AGAIN--here is the VIDEO re Karyn Folan's book: "Don't Bring Home a White Boy and Other Notions that Keep Black Women from Dating Out." Karyn's book will be released by Simon and Schuster in February 2010. Please make it a MUST to buy this book and help to get the word out about it. (I'll be sticking this video about the book here several times.)
It's not enough to just "talk" about bw dating/marrying white men and other non-bm. No, it's not nearly enough to just be in the "AMEN" corner about this issue; you must DO something. It does no good for BWE/BWIR writers to write books, if you're not buying them AND circulating the word to others that you know about these books.
It won't help if BWE/BWIR playwrights write plays or screenplays and even get movies produced IF you don't make it a point to support what they do. SUPPORT, SUPPORT, SUPPORT. This usually means you must spend $$$$$$$$, but you spend money buying products from others who aren't doing anything for you, so I, for one, expect you to support those of us who are trying to lift YOU up. That's RECIPROCITY. It's money that moves the machinery of production and distribution in a capitalist system. If you're not willing to spend the money, then who else do YOU think is going to spend the money to support what we produce? I TOTALLY appreciate those who have supported me, so far, but many more of you need to be supportive of all of us--not just the minority of you.
Whereas Steve Harvey's book is gobbled up by various promoters and many bw have spent $$$$$$$$ to get his book, most thinking people know, just like I know, that his book is NOT going to cause even the tiniest of ripple of noticeable change in the social landscape for typical AA women and similarly situated bw AT ALL. Karyn Folan's book WILL change the social landscape for MANY of those bw who desire marriage and family to a quality man because she examines and rips to shreds all of those LIES, those notions that prevent bw from broadening their dating pool, of including the LARGEST group of men in this country--WHITE MEN--in their pool as prospective marriage partners.
Let me repeat: White men are the LARGEST group of eligible and marriageable men in this country for a bw or for ANY woman in this country--simply because they are the most, numerically, by far. Any American woman who does not seriously include white men in her marriage pool these days is setting herself up for failure in the marriage realm to a quality partner. She may not fail, but the probability is substantially higher. Whatever you do, please stress the importance of vetting men to younger bw, but INSIST that younger bw POSITION THEMSELVES at younger ages to broaden their dating pool in order to include non-AA men, just as young AA men are doing. The typical black teen girl needs to know that she has MANY options in men and in life BEFORE she messes up her life by making herself the private and often, experimental playground for DaShawn to play with and use as a semen dump. After all, many of the DaShawns are making it clear that they're not planning to get married. These males are saying outright that 'marriage is for white people,' so I don't know why bw don't believe them.
And speaking of black men and marriage, Halima over at Black Women's IR Circle has a post up that is REQUIRED reading for every bw. If you don't read anything else this year, please read that. Don't just read it; please circulate that info. Other bw need to know about how they've been played and are being played. Some of you will be just be way shocked. That post will show you once again how bw are duped by bm and have been getting duped for a LONG time. And if you have other names and pics to add to her list, please send them to her. Please do the research first and make sure that what you give her is factual.
There are a LOT of quality loving, loveable wm and other non-AA men who ARE interested in developing relationships that may lead to marriage with segments of bw. No, most of them are NOT interested in dating a down and out bw, but guess what, the vast majority of AA men aren't EITHER.
AA women are not going to make leaps and bounds in their social progress in this country until the THINKING of bw changes towards promoting and protecting bw's (NOT bm's) interests 'first and foremost.' One sure way of doing this is by upwardly mobile bw making it her highest PRIORITY to hitch their wagon to that of upwardly mobile men and seriously upwardly mobile men ONLY. If this means that you must almost exclusively include quality, progressive minded wm in your pool of prospective marriage mates--as numerous, typical Asian American women do, and Hispanic women do, then this is what YOU, as a bw, must do. Yep, a very large percentage of Hispanic women of ALSO marry wm. (I received stats on that recently.)
And bw, you must do this in a REALISTIC manner. Also, many of you need to change the way in which you assess non-AA men. You must NOT expect him to behave like the swaggering type of AA man, and from I often see, you shouldn't even WANT that. No way!
Also, keep in mind that you never know when you're actually meeting your husband-to-be, and you can only have ONE husband at any one time. When I first met my ex husband AND when I first met Darren, it would have been almost impossible to get me to believe that I'd be married to either of them later. LOL! I've alway been the type of woman who is receptive to a man who is respectful, but I had no idea I was meeting men who I'd eventually love and marry when I first met them.
And contrary to the LIES that many black people especially will try to get you to believe, many wm are NOT just seeking white-skinned, straight haired women. Duh! And I should know this because I'm definitely NOT white-skinned with straight hair, and when I was dating, there were more than enough wm and others (aside from Asian men) who were interested in me. But I never thought that I was unattractive, as some of you do. Some of y'all only believe that because of the way that BLACK people (mainly) or those people y'all call YOUR people (not mine) have downgraded your looks and desirability. Since I got the heck away from poisonous AAs at a relatively young age, they never got the chance to seal that poison in me.
Most intelligent, mature-minded men are seeking a GOOD (not perfect) woman. Full stop. Also, ALL men are seeking *****winnable***** women. And, it doesn't matter what stereotype you may have about a person or what they may think about you initially, that will change in a typical person who doesn't have deep-seated issues, once you get to know them and after they get to know you better. Just keep being the friendly, quality woman that you are, and if he's not interested, it's his loss.
Here's the Key and I'm just talking to SOME of you when I say this because some of you already know this. MOST men are NOT going to spend time and energy showing interest in or pursuing women who don't seem to be winnable or those who're ducking and dodging and acting odd around them. Just like typical AA men behave in a friendly, interested manner towards ww, take a page from their book and be the same around wm.
It's AA women who have positioned themselves as the most un-winnable women in this country for wm and lots of y'all have sent the message to the entire world that you are ONLY available to be won by a bm. It's way past time for those bw who are equal opportunity daters to separate themselves from those bw who are only available to bm. Those bw usually do NOT want non-bm to know that you're interested in dating out. So, they're usually very vocal about telling wm that bw only want bm.
Smh. Y'all have done yourselves a lot of damage by ALLOWING that type of bw to speak for all of you. And now, that many bm see that some of you have set yourselves up as their private property, they're using y'all and tossing you away like wet toilet paper. It's very common to hear a bm say, "It's easy to get a different bw every day of the week." SMH
And since someone had written to ask me what the acronym "DBR" stands for, bm like that remind me exactly of what that means: DAMAGED BEYOND REPAIR.
Bw have got to send the message to ALL men that if he's a quality man and approaches you in the right manner, you're interested in at least chatting with him to see what may develop. It doesn't hurt to chat with any man who appears to be of quality and who approaches you respectfully because you never know when you're meeting a good contact, friend, or your husband-to-be.
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