Audrey Pulvar (French Journalist) and beau, Arnaud Montebourg (French presidential candidate)
She may be France's next First Lady.
Thanks for this, KM!
Wow! That would be phenomenal to have two black First Ladies of two powerful, predominantly white countries. This is why I've pointed out that the female card is the most powerful card in the deck-- when women know how to use it.
I don't know anything about politics in France, but for her to even be with him as his chosen mate/companion on his winning night raises up bw on the world stage as potential mates for powerful men everywhere. It appears from the link blurb that he is within striking distance of the French Presidency.
But this is also why some people believe we live in a post-racial world now.
Nah! I'd bet my money on the female card any day over ANY type of politics. The female card is way stronger than any -ism, any -ology or any -ocracy. LOL!
____________________
Okay, I'm going to talk about the okey-doke mentioned in the title of this post that has nothing to do with this pic, but first . . .
Thanks, Felicia for this article link and the pic. It's not exactly about bw and interracial relationships, but it does intersect with it because it talks about bw
and their marriage prospects or the lack thereof. I'll just make a few comments about some of the points in the this survey and how it all impacts a typical bw's marriage prospects. And because it's a "survey," it will used and cited by some people like the Gospel. (sigh)
Survey Paints a Portrait of Black Women in America
http://www.cdispatch.com/news/article.asp?aid=15249
I read the article. Geez! If black women just want to make sure that they wipe out the interest of all men in them for marriage or committed relationships, they need to make sure that someone keeps pumping out these types of articles. The funny thing is that I don't think the writer of the article had this intention at all, but the sum total of the article is that AA women are some really one-dimensional women. It seems that they're only or mainly interested in career progress, making money, and their church. I couldn't help but think as I read the article that the women described in the article don't seem to be the flesh and blood type bw I know. Unfortunately, so many people in other groups never get to meet the flesh and blood type bw I know who mainly want what other women want. Ot is it that so many AA women are not expressing their needs. Is this a communication issue? Or ?
It's important what's reported in surveys like this because when people read a survey like this and see AA women on TV or out in public, they think they know AA women.
Some of the results of this survey just seem weird to me. Even if bw actually thought some of this, they should not have said it because it doesn't help them on certain fronts. I don't believe that telling the truth always "sets you free." LOL! I believe that telling the truth sometimes leads to traps. Just because something is true for you doesn't mean you have to tell it or tell the whole truth. Mainly, very young children or senile older people tell the whole truth. Many others in between tell a version of the truth that supports their self-interests. So I'm not saying I advocate lying.
IMO, it is NOT good for some of this type of info to be the main info circulating about you IF you're like most women in the world who are (surprise, surprise) actually interested in finding a QLL man fairly early in life! I was like most of these other women in the world; I wanted QLL men to know they were a priority to me. Finding one for a loving and lovable partner and to father my children was near the very top of my list of priorities when I was in my mid-twenties.
I remember a Nigerian mother telling me once that she told her daughter who was in medical school that she expected her to find a husband while she was in school and not wait like an AA woman to get out of school before beginning to look for a husband. This mother was persistent about this. Well, the daughter met her husband while in medical school (he was also a doctor) and they got married right after they both graduated.
This was the expectation for me too, so I did it. I, too, placed a high premium on education, but I never saw that getting degrees cancelled out getting married--IF I mingled with compatible men who shared my values. I guess that if I were in my mid-20s now, I'd probably wait for 8-10 years too to get serious about finding a mate. I still don't understand why so many AA women think they can't do both at the same time--just like I did. I think it's mostly a matter of expectation.
Honestly, while reading this, I kept asking myself--"Have I ever met any of these types of AA women?" I'm serious because I'm beginning to question my sanity. LOL! Really, I'm beginning to question my grip on reality with this whole issue because the AA women of various ages that I meet and talk with and the numerous ones who've written me over these 5-1/2 years that I've been blogging sing a very different tune from the composite bw in the article above, for whom finding a QLL man is not a priority. And I've known many professional bw, some of whom make above 6 figures and I also know bw at the other end of the economic spectrum who get a monthly government check. I've always mixed easily with a wide variety of people, but most of the bw I've mingled with were/are professional women who make a relatively high income. The problem is that even that relatively high income does not enable them to live well because of various other factors in their lives as women.
The ho-hum attitude shown towards meeting a QLL man, as reflected in this article, definitely flies in the face of all of my experiences offline. My Gosh! Every single bw I meet offline who observes that I'm married to a QLL man asks me and even calls later to follow up with me to find out how she too can meet a man like my husband, and this is not only the case now, it was also the case when I was married before. Having a QLL man as a committed partner really, really makes a big difference in the overall quality of a woman's life and my experience is that every single bw who has observed my relationship with either man I married, wants a man of that type in her life. They can see up close what a big difference it makes in my life. Some of the things they say to me are really amazing and very poignant. One of my girlfriends told me recently that she wouldn't know what to do with herself if a man showed her the affection she saw Darren showing me, and all he was doing was putting his arm around my shoulder. Like most women, it's easy for her to get raw, mechanical sex, but that's not affection.
So, these women offline are not on the fence about it--AT ALL. They make it very clear that they want a QLL man in their lives, yet these articles paint a very different picture of bw who can take a man or leave him. I simply don't meet those kinds of women.
As a matter of fact, I've had problems with women due to my having a QLL mate (both husbands) and their not having one because their envy flairs up. This has happened 7 or 8 times in the last couple of decades that I've been married, and I'm not alone with these experiences that can range from downright gritty-ugly to at the very least, unsettling. When I've talked with other AA women who have QLL mates and even one African woman friend of mine who is dating a QLL wm now, they are having or have had similar experiences with some AA women, in particular. It's gotten to the point where I don't even like to reveal to new AA women I meet that I'm even married. LOL!
So, maybe I'm imagining things, y'all. I dunno.
______________________________-
The B-Word
Recently, I was asked by a wm blogger to comment on a bw writer's views re rapper Jay-Z putting the b-word "to rest"--since Jay-Z now has a daughter who he realizes could be defiled by that epithet. The central question was whether whites with power should step in to shut down the filth, once and for all since blacks obviously cannot or will not police other black people.
First, let me say, I'm WAY past sick and tired of the DBR antics of typical black men! Don't y'all ever get TIRED of talking about that? GEEZ!
So, at the end of last year, I asked y'all to just-leave-me-out-of-ALL-of-it re anything that erupts about them. Most of y'all have heard me and have left me alone. I really appreciate that!!
Y'all know by now how I feel about foul-mouthed rappers who denigrate bw and various other DBRs (damaged beyond repair) folks out there. So, you already know my views since I've never minced words about them.
However, as I pointed out to this wm blogger: I will not willingly step into a "cat fight" with another bw. I'm not saying that he considers it a "cat fight," but that's how it will be construed by many who'll grab their twizzlers and sit back to watch. I won't do this because there's NOTHING for me to gain from it or for other bw to gain. After all, DBRs will continue to be DBRs long after any cat fight is over and will find it a tremendous source of amusement to know that they had 2 bw fighting about them--verbally or otherwise. This is how they will construe it. Even talking about them makes them feel terrific.
But here's the thing: I believe (and hope I'm wrong) that if whites were to even begin to step in to put an end once and for all to this foul public verbiage coming from AA men at AA women, many AA women will go into "Protect the bm from de evil white folks because he didn't have a daddy" mode. Trust me--other bw protectionists will interpret what that bw writer said as "Let's circle the wagon to protect da po bm." That's how it starts.
Even though this bw writer seems to be saying that due to white supremacy, whites should not strongarm bm to stop them or otherwise get involved in stopping the steady verbal filth (b-word, h-word, etc.) sprayed on black girls and bw from certain bm which erodes these girls and women emotionally and spiritually, robs them daily of their dignity, etc., I've pointed out that whites have always been in it---in every respect--ANYWAY. So, it puzzles me as to why she thinks they're just getting into any of this--NOW????
But I'm not seeking an answer or clarification. *Yawn* I'm really not interested in any discussion/dialoguing because talking about it is not going to stop it. Stopping it is what stops it--not mere talking about stopping it. I know the overarching white structure could stop it and I'd love it if they would just do it.
Also, while this bw writer appears to try to shame foul mouthed rappers into being the types of males/men who don't attack women and to instead respect those women who look most like their mothers, many little black girls and bw in war zones are under heavy attack during virtually all of their waking hours, like on the way to school and work, at school, after school and work, at the community center, on the street walking to the store or elsewhere, at church--being called these names and grabbed, groped, feeling stressed or fearful to leave their house, and worse, etc. or constantly insulted when they listen to these rappers (which they shouldn't ever do--sigh). ALL of these experiences take a heavy toll on the minds and spirits of these black girls and bw. Over time, it wears them down drains many of them of their dignity.
A bit of a side note that relates back to the article above: I did find it interesting that a very high percentage of bw in the survey considered themselves to have high self-esteem (which is connected to feelings of having a high degree of dignity). Hmmmmm??? Having high self-esteem means that those women believe that they are highly lovable and highly worthy and their major decisions in life reflect that. The question is whether their behavior/decisions in major areas of life match that or did the surveyors just take their word for it? Of course, in my line of professional work, I encountered many women of all types with low self esteem, but they didn't know they had low self esteem. They did not look out for their self interests and allowed others to mistreat them, but they still didn't see that they allowed that treatment because they didn't think they deserved better. They didn't think they were worthy. The fact is that some people don't know what good/high self-esteem means.
So, the bw writer (who wrote about Jay-Z and the b-word) may be able to afford to tell whites stay out of it (since I'd bet she doesn't live in a war zone) and not intervene and to just wait on all the Jay-Zs of the world to have baby girls or to become mature (most never, ever do) before they stop calling bw the B-word, but most of the black girls and bw in the war zones under attack would NOT agree--that is, if they were in their right minds. However, many of them have been so traumatized by these relentless attacks until they're not in their right minds. And some of them think it's normal and/or think the b-word is a term of endearment. Some of them actually adore hearing themselves being referred to as the b-word and h-word. That's proof right there of their trauma.
I want to bring attention to a couple of nuances here. Remember that black girls and bw are traumatized due to the usual everyday type micro-aggressions and insults due to sexism and racism, and then there is a specific set of these that come out of a racio-misogyny aimed ONLY at black girls and bw, especially those with a certain phenotype. Those are the black girls and bw who get shot at the most and with the most frequency and with the worst verbiage and/or physical attacks.
So, it's important for me to fully express how I feel about this issue and that's why I'm doing it here on my site. Some bw like me (and there are a few others aside from me) take their self-interests and protection seriously. Other bw obviously don't mind being savaged by bm or don't want whites to know about it when it occurs, and I sincerely wish there were a way to fully separate all bw like me from that other type of bw who has made a decision to remain quiet.
Let me make myself clear: If ANY person is savaging me and mine, I want ANYBODY from ANY ethnic, racial, religious, cultural or any other grouping to help me to behead that attacker, and I wouldn't care whether my attacker were even MY son because he's obviously out-of-control.
I repeat: if my son is out of control to the point where he is savaging me publicly or privately, I want somebody to hurry up and take him down. This is COMMON SENSE! He is obviously out of control, so why would I want him left alone to come to his senses on his own or in his own time because that might or might not EVER happen, and by the time it does happen (IF it happens), I may not even be alive or I could have been ground into the dirt--emotionally, spiritually, and otherwise. And more than likely, he has also attacked others
This is exactly what's happened to many AA girls and women who have been savaged by these foul mouthed creatures running amuck out there for years. This is all some young black girls and bw have known. They grew up thinking that the b-word and h-word were their first name, and I'm not exaggerating. Yet, so many traumatized AA females have tried to 'grin and bear it' because they've been indoctrinated to believe that if a black boy or bm savages you, you're supposed to be able to shrug it off because "he didn't have a daddy."
While I was going to college and grad school, I was called the b-word just walking down the streets in NYC,(as many other women were and are) and it always occurred when a bm couldn't get the type of response he wanted from me. Fortunately, for me, I didn't grow up in that urban environment and knew those males were DBRs and knew they were ill. So of course, I never accepted that the b-word or h-word was my name, so it never became a normal part of life for me or an endearment. And I was able to get away from that type of savage environment within a few years.
I remember that I once dated a higher-income AA man who called me the b-word when I decided to go to see the Alvin Ailey Dancers in DC with my cousin instead of waiting for him to decide whether he was going to buy the tickets to take me. We all know that the really good seats get sold out fast, so, I went ahead and bought the tickets for myself and my bm cousin and we went. When this guy found out, he called me the b-word, and that was the end of the relationship as far as I was concerned. He called every day during the following weeks to apologize, saying he didn't mean it and that he was just mad at me. And yeah, he used the "I didn't have a daddy, so I never saw bm treating bw the way you expect to be treated," excuse too. In general, he thought I was an "uppity" bw and had accused me several times prior to this of "trying to act like a white woman." He'd even told me once: "You're a bw; you know you're not used to being taken out to dinner." He couldn't believe that I have always had a good standard of living. He still wanted me--"uppity" or not.
I'm just trying to explain some instances where some AA women get called the "b-word." The list of reasons is exhaustive though. These have been some of my experiences. This may not be typical, but this happened to me.
To whites and other non-AAs reading this, you can't imagine how many times I've heard the "he didn't have a daddy" song, when I've questioned other AAs about bm's foul behavior. This song is sung to excuse practically anything and everything a black boy or bm does to a black female. However, if or when a black boy or bm attacks another black male verbally or otherwise, I've noticed that the tune changes abruptly. The tune changes to "Beatdown Time." LOL! It also changes when bm attack ww or wm because bm know that when they even think about savaging whites, whites do not care about whether there was a daddy. Also most AA women will go into war mode to retaliate when other bw attack them. The only time bw accept the excuses, reasons, explanations, etc. is when bm attack them--BECAUSE "he didn't have a daddy."
So the "he didn't have a daddy" excuse is really an okey-doke aimed almost entirely at AA women because AA women are the only ones who pay attention to that nonsense for more than a minute or accept it and remain quiet about their assaults.
When C. Dolores Tucker, who was an old-school bw like me, denounced foul mouthed rappers and tried to get them squelched, the black community trashed and dismissed her as being anti-bm or "out of touch." Whenever, a bw denounces bm for foul behavior of any type, this is what happens to her. The same thing happened to Alice Walker when she wrote about bm's violent behavior towards bw. So, I realize that people will accuse me of hating bm simply because I talk about or "out" the behavior of far too many bm towards bw.
But what a lot of non-AAs don't understand is exactly WHY do so many AA women outright or even seemingly try to protect bm or minimize their offenses--even when bw are their only target!!!! For ex., are bm publicly calling ww, Asian women, and Hispanic women the b-word? Can someone send me a link to an account where this has ever occurred. And if so, how frequent is it? When bm argue about their "right" to call bw the "b-word," does this "right" extend to non-bw?
Non-AAs simply can't understand why so many AA women who don't have, to are willing to take all of this off AA males/men. This is one key reason why even highly educated, accomplished AA women are viewed as not being smart by some non-AAs--including other black ethnics-- as indicated in the article above. I've talked about this many times. These AA women are saying that some people don't treat them like they're smart. LOL! I don't exactly know what that mean.
I can't personally say I've ever felt that I was being treated like I'm not smart. I mean I've never felt "not smart" even though others may very well have thought that about me. LOL! So, as long as I don't think it, it doesn't matter to me.
I do know that some people in other groups (including other black ethnics) do wonder about the intelligence level of AA women. It's because too many AA women have too much that is out of balance in their PERSONAL lives which is due in many cases to their sad/sick relationships with men.
For ex., why would SO MANY "smart" women have such tawdry relationships with men? It's not the fact that there are some of these tawdry relationships because a certain number of bad relationships exist in every group; it's the high percentage of them or the lack of relationships period which keeps people focused on AA women's romantic lives. I mean, even Gayle King (Oprah's girlfriend) claims that she can't get a date! Can anyone name a ww, Asian woman, or Hispanic woman on that level who complains that she can't get a date. Please send me the link. And if Gayle actually can't get a date, why does she broadcast it? Can someone explain why to me? Is it sympathy she wants or is she asking for a man in the viewing audience to come and date her or is this her gimmick? For ex. there used to be a wm comedian whose gimmick was: "I can't get respect," and he'd say that with such a forlorn face until everyone would fall out laughing.
So, I realize that this is why I was pulled into this discussion by the wm blogger about this "b-word" nonsense, but this is exactly why I've written over and over that any typical AA woman you encounter is likely to have been indoctrinated to be a bm protectionist. My position is that these males only target bw for their insults because they know that bw have no defense and will actually accept and find excuses for them peeing on them and otherwise traumatizing them. A larger number of bw than you might think will protect these males from anyone who gets involved to stop them just like some battered women will not press charges against their battering boyfriend or husband or will actually try to fight the police officer who may come to arrest the man.
However, I'm not a typical bw; I am PAB.
As many of us say repeatedly, AA women are not a monolith. Some of us are VERY different than the others. I respect many AA women and love some of them (and have encouraged like-minded ones of them to support each other, especially when they're uplifting bw), but I realized that AA women ARE often their own worst enemy and they can therefore easily become MY worst enemy--if I allow it. I say that because if a bw doesn't care whether a bm destroys her and those bw she may love, then she DEFINITELY doesn't care if he destroys me and mine. Many bw will deny this, but I believe that many ARE willing to sacrifice a lot and in some cases their very lives fighting to protect practically ANY bm--not just their boyfriend or a husband. That's indoctrination. That's why I wrote a few essays a few years ago where I referred to typical AA women as "suicide bombers." Trust me. I know a lot of bw suicide bombers right now.
So, whereas I'm ready to figuratively behead a bm who calls me or another bw the "b-word," I know that at this point, many of those same bw would try to hurt me first. This is one of the main reasons why I've pretty much washed my hands of AA women and their issues with AA men. They'll just have to fight it out or die trying or just become extinct, which is rapidly happening. No one wants to come out and say it, but that's exactly what's happening, daily.
But personally speaking, YES, I most definitely want ANYONE to intervene and totally stop attackers from attacking me.
And while I'm on the subject, I feel the exact same way about the use of the N-word. I would walk out of any room where ANY black person tried to argue that it's okay to use the N-word in any context. I refuse to be around people of that type. I actually cut off my relationship with a bw professional who tried to explain to me during a phone conversation that it's okay for blacks to use that among "us." I told her, "I'm not one of YOU! Goodbye!"
It saddens me to say that I think that indoctrinated AA women have become some of the most cowardly women on earth--at this point. I guess their cowardice is a by-product of the indoctrination and the trauma, so even when they're under attack, they refuse to fight back like they mean it. I'm not from that camp. If I want someone to stop attacking me, I'm willing to do whatever it takes to stop them. I don't care whether the attacker had a daddy or a mommy or anything else, and I would love it if someone else intervenes to stop them. It simply doesn't matter because this is how humans learn NOT to attack others. CONSEQUENCES. Anything else is hot air. Period.
Comments