The Crows--Twin Sisters married Twin Brothers SITE This is really incredible! LOL! Thanks, SJD! What are the odds of this happening--even in same race marriages??????
Bw, once again--don't be concerned with other bw not getting married, YOU just find YOUR ONE QLL man. Just ONE! But these two identical twin sisters found TWO identical twin brothers and it looks like either one of these guys would have wanted either one of these women!!!
Thanks for this video below, SB. Yes, it's mainly about common VALUES. This is the main reason why the success rate of wm-bw marriages is high. If the key values between a man and woman are more than a hair too different, they are not compatible. They will not get along.
But, just as importantly, this video shows once again that more and more (smarter) AA women are finding their ONE man--one woman at a time, and moving on!!!
[Post starts]
Okay----------This post is going to be a piece of constructive criticism about SOME AA women. However, for those bw who are already on overload or those tenderhearted bw who can't bear anything that remotely reads as criticism of bw, PLEASE don't read any further. LOL!
Thank you, AE for this latest seemingly positive ARTICLE LINK about black women's supposed prowess in the "assertive" manager realm. I love it that YOU are questioning the okey-dokeness of this article. That shows that SOME bw are not asleep at the wheel.
"Report: Black Women Make Great Leaders
A new study finds assertive black women leaders are viewed positively while just as assertive white women in the same roles are viewed negatively . . . ."
Well, the okey-dokes ARE going to become increasingly sophisticated, and they'll be coming from all directions. AA women, in aggregate, have great value and others would like to capitalize on it. That's nothing to be alarmed or angry about. AA women are too large a segment of the U.S. population and have way too much potential to ignore, so this potential needs to be channeled, if not by us, then others are guaranteed to step in to do it, or try to do it. It's up to each of you, whether you cooperate, or not. But, you don't need to tell anyone what you're going to do or not going to do. Do Not Blab!
Recent Macy's Ad--Thanks Lorraine and JF
I don't think that those at the helm of the general populace know yet what exactly to do with some of us AA women. LOL! Some of us are not predictable or so easily pigeon-holed.
Remember that if you are predictable, you are easily out-competed and filed away. But no one saw SOME of us coming. Look at luminaries like Condi Rice, Oprah, Michelle O., Mellody Hobson, Gwen (Mrs. Peter) Norton, etc., etc.
And then there are those of us who are not well known, yet we exist and are perched on the ladder in places and ways that are, frankly, shocking to some others we encounter. "How in the world were you able to get there" they wonder. LOL! Well, some of us are smart. We don't blab our plans.
So, I salute those of us who no one saw coming.
"Keep QUIET. Don't be predictable. Keep moving on." AA women need to explain that to others in their circles and then keep repeating that to each other.
Now, without any doubt, I know that when anyone thinks about the ethnicity of this particular type of "assertive" (or angry) black woman mentioned in the article, they're not thinking about the black Hispanic woman. They're also not thinking about the black African woman. No, they're thinking about the black AMERICAN woman, and similar socio-historically-situated bw. However, it's virtually entirely black AMERICAN woman, in aggregate, who are viewed as these big-mouthed, battleax, balls-busting b%tches. I'll use BBBBB's to shorten this label. LOL! This is what they're really saying here.
Some folks out there in corporate America have watched SOME of y'all AA (and similar bw) in all segments of the socio-economic ladder in action and they've decided that since so many of y'all have wrapped yourselves up in this type of "don't take no stuff off nobody" behavior and patted yourselves on the back for being "strong black women," or the baddest (most ferocious) females on the planet, they may as well capitalize on this foolishness. So, as some of you become more educated and enter the various professions, you'll become hatchet wielders, and some of you will be highly paid. You'll be the ones getting the blood on your hands, the stress and personal ruination from it, albeit in some cases, NOT well-paid.
However, as with everything else in life, there are nuances involved, which I'll talk about later.
So, the new spin is that corporate America is willing to help to give some of y'all a new image and not portray or call you the "angry bw" anymore if they can capitalize on it. SMH This spin may have just crept into the corporate sector, but it's not new in other sectors because when I was in the professional world of work outside the home, I saw for years how SOME bw ALLOW themselves to be used as the hatchet wielders in various other sectors. They are willing, and sometimes, eager accomplices!
Here's the thing. Wm already mostly have a bad image as hatchetmen or 'de evil wm' and in other countries were once known as the "ugly American." And if you've noticed, many men of all races and ethnicities (including most bm) will fight to keep the general image of white women and Asian women as clean and feminine--no matter what. And to their credit, ww and Asian women shy away from the "strong" role or as being viewed as obvious hatchet wielders even when they actually ARE strong BBBBBs. They don't want to be viewed in that way because they know that "others" them and prevents them from maneuvering successfully. That does NOT ultimately promote or protect their interests 'first and foremost' even if they are highly paid in the short term. The goodies in life fall into the laps of women who are long-termers and their children--not the short-termers. The other thing is that both wm and ww have enough positives associated with them to balance out all of the negatives. Bw don't have that.
AA women must ALWAYS think, think, think LONG-term. In other words: "What is good for me and mine--in the LONG term?" "Mine" in this case refers SOMETIMES to the aggregate because we are each viewed as a member of an aggregate.
ANY TIME, you accept as any part of your identity a type of behavior that deviates from the norm of the overwhelming majority of other females on the planet, you are "othering" yourself as a female. You ARE a deviant female and you ARE and will be recognized and treated as such. You have chosen to deviate, and this gets you and any other female who might be associated with you--closer and closer to extinction.
[post break]
SUPPORT! SUPPORT! Here's a clip from PARENTHOOD final episode of the season. Thanks for this, CQ, who says this episode needs YOUR support.
http://www.spoilertv.com/2012/02/parenthood-episode-317-remember-me-im_17.html
CQ said: "Toward the end of last season Crosby and Jasmine had a fierce argument and he subsequently cheated on her in an ONS, Crosby was very repentant because he realised what a huge maistake he made, he tried eveything to get Jasmine back and went as far as buying her a house. However, Jasmine was understandably angry and hurt and did not take him back. When this season began in September 2011, they were in a co-parenting arrangement and Jasmine was trying to move on. They both started dating other people, and it seemed like Jasmine had found her ideal man, an accomplished, overly sweet and thoughtful handsome black doctor, and Crosby it would seem, had also found his ideal woman in a beautiful, accomplished cellist.
But as the season draws to a close (only 2 more shows) it is becoming more apparent that Crosby and Jasmine are still in love with each other and will move toward reconciliation in episode 17, which airs on Tuesday 21st February, at 10pm. Even better than this, they are going to be married( i am almost sure) in the final episode on on Tuesday 28th February at 10pm. I do not think there is another BW/WM married couple on primetime TV right now, so this couple needs to be supported. Here is a sneak peak of them in episode 17."
[post resumes]
This is proven by looking at nature. Human females are simply another female that exists in nature. Billions of plants and animals did and do deviate in nature due to various circumstances, but only a tiny portion of those deviations survived. That's what evolution is all about. Only the strongest which means those most-uniquely equipped to mesh with a set of circumstances, will survive and thrive. The rest will perish. We see this everyday in nature because many plants and animals have life spans much shorter than humans. But humans are no different.
In other words, IF you choose to be a BBBBB, you had better really be ready to be the baddest (BEST-equipped) female on the planet for that role and its consequences, which means that you have got to have ALL of your bases covered. Other than that, you and similarly-behaving women in your aggregate WILL be taken out (eliminated as females).
This, too, is deja vu for me. No, I haven't seen this exact situation, but the circumstances of human beings don't vary much--no matter the era or the scenario. Human behavior is much the same in most scenarios. There really isn't anything new under the sun. The differences are tiny, if any.
So, I saw how in various school settings where I worked, the black teachers were given the worst-behaving students and in the mental health realm, the bw therapists were assigned the most maladjusted or emotionally disturbed cases. These were ALL professional bw who made very good salaries. They almost always had seniority and didn't have to accept these assignments in the overwhelming most of the cases, but they DID. We all had to handle some of these patients, but none of us had to accept more than our share.
I noticed though that too many AA women took pride in taking on these most difficult assignments because they believed that they were strong (their indoctrination) and that the white therapists and teachers were too weak and couldn't handle the most problematic students or patients. Mind you, these bw did NOT get hazard pay or perks for this extra burden or for dealing with the risks involved. These bw seemed to feel they had something to prove, which was in essence to send the message that they were the baddest b%tches on the planet. They welcomed these most difficult patients because they felt that finally someone was recognizing their prowess and praising them for something, anything.
The problem is that there is much, much, much more stress, risk, and work involved when dealing with the most damaged members of society, but as many of y'all know by now, bw are indoctrinated to have more compassion for the most damaged and to believe that they have been gifted with the unique ability to reform them. LOL! Also, when you work with or associate with the most damaged, YOU have to really take very good care of yourself--like a fitness regimen, eat healthfully, a varied social life, and various types of pampering on a regular basis. You MUST have a well-balanced life, in other regards, which means love, family, support network. Do you think that most of those bw had that???? No, they did NOT.
That type of work took its toll on them emotionally, mentally, and physically. One of them, out of the eleven I knew and worked with in different locations, is dead now and at a young age. One had a stroke and is on disability. One had serious back issues, several operations and walks with a cane. She was tripped by a patient, and is in pain constantly these days. One was constantly involved in car accidents. Most of them are overweight. Most of them had less-than close relationships in their lives although they generously gave and supported mooching others with their higher than average salaries. Only 3 of us had loving men in our lives and men who were loving fathers to their children and 2 of those were the oldest of the 11 in the group. The other ones never married or are divorced, still struggling with their children, all alone. Yet, most of the younger ones prided themselves on being the baddest females on the planet.
Of course, I NEVER took on more than my share of the difficult cases, so I was viewed as being different. I was NOT a BBBBB and didn't want anyone to mistake me for one. That's why I say I've always been PAB--even before I officially gave myself that label.
To younger bw out there: YOU must think about every step you take and ask yourself who is defining the path? WHO is defining you? How are they defining you? What's the process? This article is a way of defining bw and MANY AA women, for sure, will leap at this seemingly positive news and wrap themselves up in the cloak of "assertive" managers. AA women don't typically recognize the process or these various okey-dokes and only find out later they've been duped again. I've warned y'all that the okey dokes will become more and more sophisticated. I'm so happy that this bw recognized this as a possible okey doke, and I didn't have time today to write about it, but decided it was important.
Are you allowing any sector of this society or any person in your social circle to define any aspect of you? Have you thought about the long term impact of that definition? Does it promote or protect YOUR interests? WHY would you play along with this when you should already KNOW that no one has your best interests at heart unless they've proven it already.
No one else HAS TO make your best interests their priority. YOU are an adult with free will. YOU are not a child. YOU should never expect or depend on others to look out for YOUR best interests unless they have PROVEN that they have a vested interest in YOUR well-being!!! Will they sink if you sink?
This is not a reason to be angry at anyone because other people are ALWAYS going to have their own best interests as their priority. NOT yours. That is normal. That's called 'self preservation' and self includes offspring in the case of most normal, undamaged people. I expect others to protect their interests. I only have a problem with others who don't expect me to protect mine.
(Sigh) This article presents yet another layer of the IDENTITY issue that SOME AA women have. We will see, however, whether enough AA women have learned their lesson yet. Unfortunately, some AA women, so desperate for attention and acceptance, continue to accept these destructive layers of identity and definition from others. Remember that: "It's not what people call you; it's what YOU answer to that counts." Use COMMON SENSE as your guide and if most AA women did that, they wouldn't want to be viewed differently than the overwhelming majority of women on earth. Here's the proof for that:
Being viewed as the "strong bw" has served to turn more and more of you into unprotected, unloved, alone and struggling MULES.
A word of advice: Never, ever follow trends in the media and never base anything important in your personal life on anything there. Stick to what has worked for women throughout all times. This is common sense.
So if some ww and other women are fighting for excess weight (fat) acceptance, don't YOU do that because excess weight is almost always less healthy, no matter the race or ethnicity.
If some ww and other women are fighting for acceptance/validation to never marry and have their children OOW, don't YOU do that because these are trends.
And look at it this way, there are QLL men right now who prefer slim to average weight women and some of these men are seeking a compatible marriage partner, right now. So, this gives you bw who are slim and marriage interested a great advantage right now over women who are fat and don't want marriage.
So back to the article. As with anything else in life, NUANCES are critically important because life is rarely, if ever, a matter of black or white. It is possible to be an assertive (angry bw) manager of the BBBBB type and still be a woman regarded as a feminine, desirable woman, just as it is possible to jump out of a plane with a parachute and survive. But if you don't know how to do it, and it's clear to me that the overwhelming most AA women don't know how to do it and/or don't have the support network (meaning male backers/protectors) to do it, then you should NOT do it.
The subtext in this article is that wm in the upper echelons of corporate America don't even want ww to even try to learn to be BBBBBs and will reward them instead (salary wise and in other ways) to take on other roles. This is largely because these days, typical ww don't pride themselves on being "strong" and if they have, have never projected that image of themselves. Wm, at all levels, don't want ww to assume that type of persona because they know the consequences that will cause.
And I want all of you AA women who will ignore what I say to remember that NO ONE is forcing any of you to take this new role in corporate America. I don't want to hear the whining later on, blaming this on 'de evil wm or ww.' This is YOUR choice.
Yes, AA women have typically had to project that "strong bw" persona historically for protection and survival, but none of YOU have to do that anymore. You absolutely do NOT. You can learn a different way of presenting yourself IF you choose. You can choose where you live and with whom you associate although I know it's extremely easy and much more comfortable to just stick with the same-ole, same-ole.
And keep in mind that QLL men DO want women who they view as "feminine." Mind you, a woman may not actually BE feminine or may actually not have any feminine qualities, as long as she projects that feminine image. LOL!
One of the most fascinating aspects of my life is that I'm able to move easily between several major cultures on a daily or weekly basis. I get to view women of other cultures up close. I interact with them. I see how it is that women in these other cultures don't actually have the monopoly on the so-called feminine qualities of being nurturing, loving, most forgiving, most generous, compassionate, kind, loyal to a fault, not demanding much or just accepting the man as he is, etc. even nearly to the extent that most AA women have, YET these other women are viewed as more feminine. I marvel at this sometimes. If femininity were measured objectively by possessing those qualities, AA women would be the QUEENS of femininity and be considered the most loved and most lovable females of all of these other groups that I'm often intermingling with. But as I've said many times: Life is mostly a mental experience. Life is mostly about PERCEPTION; it's not about what is actually REAL because all "real" is relative anyway.
These upwardly mobile women in other groups DEMAND much more from men, and the men in their lives either meet those demands or there is trouble in paradise! LOL! Trust me--there is NO other group of women I've encountered who exemplify those qualities and traits I mentioned more than AA women and I've not just saying that because I'm an AA woman. And I'll let y'all in on a secret here: if I were tested, I wouldn't score highly in some of those areas. I would totally bomb in others of them. LOL! Yet, I've always had a QLL man by my side.
This is what I mean by NUANCES. Understanding them and incorporating them into your usual behavior is so valuable. There are many nuances that I was fortunate to have mastered and many (not all) of these women in these other groups have mastered that many AA women have not learned--YET. So, it's not a matter of never being a BBBBB or always being the opposite of one. Those are EXTREMES. Living well involves mastering and implementing certain key nuances that lie between these two extremes. Unfortunately, due to identity issues, many AA women will grasp the image of the extreme and become a caricature of it.
So YOU need to define yourself in a way that will enable YOU and yours to live well in the long term.
And I want to make something clear re being a PAB. No, I do not want YOU to be PAB because that may not be the identity that will enable YOU to live well. YOU must self-define in a way that is best for YOU. We don't all come from the same background and haven't had even close to the same life experiences. I've always been PAB, so it's easy for me; that's what I am, so I've of late officially announced it. Even as a bw who is PAB, I still have many commonalities and share some interests with some of you, so we can still connect around those commonalities. I will always support my interests and if some of those interests are yours, then Yes, I'll also support your interests too. In other words, we don't have to define ourselves exactly alike in order for us to support those interests we have in common. Remember that even IF we all define ourselves the exact same way, we are STILL different, so nothing has changed. LOL! This, too, is a matter of perception.
YOU have the right to self-define as YOU see fit. So, IF you choose to become a BBBBB (albeit, maybe not a highly paid one), you must also accept the consequences because that choice will set into motion a set of consequences that you will not be able to control. For ex., no one could have forseen at the advent of the HIP HOP era that it would cause or worsen some of the devastating effects/consequences it has: lack of respect/value for bw, for marriage, for children, for education, for community, for life itself. So, yeah, some bm made a LOT of money, but look at the devastastion. NO ONE forced those bm to take the money, just like NO ONE forces anyone to take drugs.
Now, I know some of y'all are probably calling me all kinds of names for saying some of this, but I'm an old school bw. I was NEVER allowed to blame others for my stupid choices. I was punished for that if I tried to do that when I was a child. That was one of the best lessons I learned as a child--to be ACCOUNTABLE for my own decisions.
So, as some of y'all undoubtedly sit there feeling like spitting bullets at me, remember I gave you fair warning about reading this. LOL! But while you spit those bullets, just check out this video. Thanks, AN, for this Skin Deep: Black Women Venturing Out Documentary video. There is so much in it to chew on! It PROVES that smart bw are going to choose to LIVE well rather than remain struggling alone or become extinct.
Some of the women in the video are still concerned about what their Momma wants and what others think, (smh) but as they get older and get closer to extinction, MOSTLY all of them will regret that decision because other black folks will have no sympathy for them and to make matter worse, they will then blame THEM for chasing all the "good bm" away. LOL!
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