Dan Hennessey and fiancé Wendy Joseph are proof a healthy lifestyle can go a long, long way . . . .
Thanks, CH for this ARTICLE! It does seem that this couple has aged backwards.!! LOL
It also brings this question to the forefront again: Do black women in interracial relationships with white men experience significantly less stressful lives, that promote their health? I believe that in general, they do, and I can certainly talk about my personal experiences and up-close observations of other bw-wm couples I personally know. I even made a lengthy, detailed podcast years ago about how I share various privileges that Darren receives as a white man. If some of you recall, I included this podcast in my Vetting Men 101 Series.
Omg, that podcast stirred up such a hornest’s nest! It provoked really visceral reactions! One black woman friend of mine actually started boo-hooing. It was surreal and disturbing to me.
I’ve never done any formal research regarding this question, but any honest person with common sense in the U.S. knows the answer, if they’re really honest. Not saying that every black woman with a white boyfriend or husband has absolutely less stress in her life. There are absolutes in only a few areas of life, but I would bet serious money that most black women who engage in long term relationships/marriage with quality white men do experience less stressful lives. This is by virtue of the fact that white men tend to enjoy more privileges than other men in American society. Naturally and by default, he shares these privileges with his wife, his long-term girlfriend, or any woman he dates.
I could talk about this in comparative detail because over the course of the decades of my dating and married life–from age 18–I did not restrict myself to any one race or ethnicity of men. I’m also a comparative Anthropology buff. In my periods of singlehood, I dated men (black and non-black) from a wide variety of backgrounds, from practically every part of the world, except certain Asians (Japanese, Chinese). That’s because no Asian man of those nationalities ever asked me out.
Not bragging here, but I’ve always maintained my streamlined figure due to my activity level and food choices. I have a pleasant personality; and in enough cases, guys thought I was “cute.” Diminished vision, huh? LOL Males from all of these backgrounds have told me that I project a “classy” persona. A black American man told me that a man can figure out quickly that I’m not the type of woman who will tolerate less-than-quality treatment. He wanted a long term relationship with me and he was quite accomplished but he had a very stressful life. I said, “No thanks” because I knew I couldn’t tolerate the stress or aggravation in his life. It mostly came from other blacks who he allowed to take advantage of him.
I wish I could be more patient with people, but I’m just not wired that way. That’s definitely a weakness in me. Or I should say I can’t tolerate more than a tad of aggravation from an adult–man or woman. However, I have endless patience with children, and nothing a child does bothers me much. Crying children makes me mushy inside and bring out all of my maternal instincts. I just want to grab them and kiss them forever. LOL But with a sword in my hands, I could quickly behead most adults who aggravate me. Not good, I know, so I avoid this type of adult–like the plague.
Anyway, I remember that a Middle Eastern man I dated during college told me that he was surprised that I’m the kind of quality-centric woman I am. LOL! His views were due to the centuries-old stereotypes of black American women, of course. He was the first man who proposed marriage to me, but I knew it wouldn’t work because he wanted me to go back to his country with him. That would have been WAY too repressive and stressful for me too, so I said, “No thanks.”
I notice that many black American women still can’t bring themselves to talk honestly about how their relationships with non-black men open up new vistas and are usually less stressful, but I’ve always been flat out honest about this because I want my granddaughters, other black females in my lineage, and like-minded other black women to live elevated lives–the type I’ve lived. This means they must have relatively less stressful lives. I’m also NOT saying that black women can only have less stressful lives with non-black men because my first husband (a Nigerian man) did his very best to lessen stress in all areas of my life. And he was usually successful in doing this.
The main point here is that, no matter what, a black woman absolutely must do all she can to increase the probability of positive outcomes in her life and the lives of her children. This is what black American women, in particular, must do to break the cycle of lack, struggle, and suffering, for now and generations to come.
None of this means that any black woman should worship white men or ANY group of men. So embarrassing!
But it’s normal for a woman to love and appreciate any individual man who shows her that he loves, cherishes and adores her. Shows is the key word here. It’s an action word that means something is ongoing. Some people get annoyed at me for doing this, but this is why I continue to talk about my Nigerian ex-husband (who I would walk on hot coals for, any day) and it’s why I continue to talk about Darren. I would do the same for him. BOTH have shown me over the years how they feel about me, by their treatment of me, my children, and now, my grandchildren–my minis. LOL
So the correct stance for black American women to take, insofar as white men are concerned, is to be somewhere in the middle, IMO. Appreciate what a vetted white man brings or is willing to bring to the table, but know this and act on it quietly. Get this knowledge and apply it in a low-key way like many in other groups of non-white women do. More black American women need to be way more DISCREET in words and behavior.
Being in a relationship with a white man usually has certain, different challenges, but in my experience and in the 3 other bw-wm relationships (friends and family) that I’ve observed closely on a daily/weekly basis, for years now, the rewards have greatly outweighed the challenges.
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