Thanks, so much, DM for the announcement of this couple’s marriage and their SITE link! Probably this marriage was publicized when it happened last year since he’s prominent, but I’ve just started up blogging frequently again after a quite long break. I don’t post these pics and announcements nearly as much as I used to, but there’s still a smidgeon of interest in them. LOL
Please check out this woman’s first installment in a multicultural animated TV Network on YOUTUBE. Here’s a Forbes Magazine ARTICLE about her. Let’s show her support by circulating this! When I see my grandchildren this weekend, we’ll be watching this video!
Since I advocate marriage so strongly for BAW (Black American Women) and write and podcast so often about the connection between black women marrying well, money, well being and certain privileges, I recently was notified of a black woman’s YT channel where she also puts a lot of emphasis on black women’s finances and in this case, “leveling up” and getting married. I will post the name of her site in my next post here, if it’s okay, and share the comment I made there about my marriages and my wealth status, which, of course, greatly lifts me, my children, and grandchildren.
This comes on the heels of Ciara’s “controversial” comments about the importance of more BAW (Black American women) placing a priority on marriage or getting married before having children. Whew! It’s mind-boggling that any black woman, especially in the U.S. would have any issue with what Ciara said. I wish I could give her a 24-hour standing ovation for making those common sense comments. So what if she did have a child out-of-wedlock!! She has now learned better, so she’s doing better now. And it’s so generous of her for her to put herself out there to share what she’s learned–free of charge–with many black pre-teen, teen girls and adult black women in general.
But she’s now getting boiled by certain black women?? I just don’t get black women of this type, but this is why I say I’m PAB (passing as black), and it’s why I’ve urged many of you who think similarly to me to SEPARATE from the type of black women who criticize her for her statements. ALL black women don’t need to go down under.
No woman has to have intercourse with a man and should not have it if she’s expecting marriage as a result. Besides, as creative adults, there are ways to handle those urges with each other. LOL What are mothers or older wiser women teaching younger women these days? My grandmother would never have told me certain things, but my mother definitely flat out did. LOL
A man declares by his deeds what his intentions are–and intercourse is NOT one of those deeds. If a man is interested in a woman seriously, he will invest in her. An investment of his time, money, energy, reputation, etc. is a deed, and I’m talking about a significant amount of any or all of these. His deeds are everything.
If a woman wants to have sex and does it because she wants to do it, she shouldn’t blame him IF he then doesn’t marry her. However, if a pregnancy occurs, they’re equally responsible because no one forced him into having intercourse with her. My ex-husband and I will never, ever accept it from our sons or any man that a child that he has spawned is not his responsibility and neither would I accept excuses from a woman. I might be more likely to accept excuses from a woman because a man might have raped her since we know that some women, every year, get pregnant as a result of rape. It really isn’t possible for a woman to rape a man although some men try to dodge child support and say that happened to them.
I don’t accept any woman boo-hooing that she kept having sex with a man who later refused to marry her. Marriage was never in the cards for him, no matter what he may say. UNLESS or UNTIL he makes a significant investment in her, his words are nothing. Some investments don’t cost a man money, but one well-known, common type of investment that shows a man is serious about marrying a woman is an engagement ring. Darren gave me an almost 1-carat diamond when he proposed marriage. Another investment he made was that he began taking me to gatherings with his large family and took me, after a few months of dating, to his family reunion in another state. That showed his intentions because I’m the type of woman a man must SHOW his intentions–in deeds–not words. I give a man a chance, but after that, I’m gone. As a young couple, my ex-husband invested in me by also taking me to constant gatherings with his close friends and family members and when an African man does that, that’s a serious signal to his folks that he’s planning to marry the woman. He also plunked down money for an apartment where we’d live after marriage, and he also invested time and energy in me.
But none of this is astrophysics. Why are so many women getting duped by men? Really?
Everything in life is a gamble. I want my granddaughters to know they should ruthlessly vet a man in the first place because this is the foundation. Show NO compassion because too much is at stake for the woman. If he doesn’t have what it takes or isn’t making the effort to show his seriousness about marriage, through his deeds, she should get away from him, like yesterday. She cannot afford to do otherwise. I’ve been married twice. Obviously, I was in relationships with both of my husbands prior to marriage, but I had vetted them. I KNEW they were marriage-minded men. I knew this from their backgrounds, their DEEDS, things that they did for me, ways they invested in me. Human beings don’t willingly walk away from their significant investments. Are women who say that the men they’re having sex with are refusing to marry them having these men INVEST time, energy, money, reputation, etc. in them?
Seems that a lot of younger women are somehow “desperate” for male validation, want males to show them sexual interest these days? Maybe I’m reading this the wrong way, but this desperation seems pervasive–in magazines, the internet, movies, etc. There’s something about that that I’m not getting.
All women and men want validation from each other. That’s normal, but things have tilted in a weird way. When I was in my 20s and 30s, things definitely didn’t play out this way. It was more like just the opposite for many women.
So here’s my #Metoo story that’s somewhat related to this.
Between the ages of 10 years old and my first marriage, I was shown too much sexual interest by males. Males/men were usually trying to get at me–touch, grab, grope, say sexually repugnant things to me, etc. in some way, get my attention. This ranged from young guys in the backwoods farming community where I grew up to middle age and old men who’d be slyly trying to touch different parts of my anatomy or worse. For ex., when I was twelve, 2 boys who were the grandsons of my grandmother’s good friend ganged up on me in the barn and I engaged in a fierce fight with them to save my virginity. They were determined but I was ready to die, if necessary. They apparently didn’t want to kill me; they just wanted what they wanted. After they’d bruised me up pretty badly, and they saw that I was willing to fight back forever, one of them got tired. The other one gave up too. So, they left me alone. I endured all kinds of violations like that as a teen girl. The school bus driver, a man who was a senior citizen and highly respected in our community, constantly tried to grope me as I’d get off the bus every day. I was the last child on the bus, so I’d be in a panic everyday, constantly dodging his hands. I never told anybody because not only would I have been embarrassed to death, I would have been punished for “enticing” him. I also never told that my “nice” guy prom date tried to rape me on the night of junior prom. In those days, the girl or woman was ALWAYS blamed for any sexual or sexually-related behavior/violation of ANY male. This happened to mostly all the girls and women I knew. We never told. We were too scared. So getting someone sexually interested or sexual validation was never an issue. Things have tilted.
How did I handle premarital sex? Well, here’s my personal policy during my time leading up to marriage. Not saying this should be your policy–unless you’re my granddaughter. LOL But I made sure that ANY man I dated for more than a minute was quality. I easily found these men because I dated the rainbow. I mentally put ALL men I met in categories. If he was merely a fun guy, I would go out with him but put him in the “fun guy” category and didn’t take anything he said seriously. I dated 2-3 men at a time and I’ve always advocated that single woman do that if she’s interested in marriage because in their prime years, women do NOT have time to date sequentially. I didn’t come right out and tell any of the men I dated that I was dating other men. Not their business, but I wouldn’t have lied about it if they’d asked me because I wasn’t married to any of them. If they did ask, I’d keep saying something like: “I’m single and like going out and doing different things.” If they didn’t like my answer, it didn’t matter to me, because we weren’t married. If a man really liked me, I noticed that he’d always do something to impress me, in order to stand out from the other guys in some way, or show me–by his deeds–that he was serious. If he didn’t show by his “deeds” that he wasn’t trying to stand out, I would slide him into the dismissal category and not be available afterwards. This is how I met and got proposed to by 3 men. I married 2 of them.
I also assumed these men were dating or trying to date other women, whether they said they were or not. I knew that 99.99999% of heterosexual men are always checking for or at least are interested in other women (it’s a man’s nature) until they’re committed to one woman and most men are still checking for other women even after they’re committed. LOL That’s why I’ve always advocated that a woman should keep her parachute ready–just in case a man forgets he’s committed to the woman. By this, I mean a woman should ALWAYS keep herself fit physically, emotionally, mentally, financially, etc. to get in the parachute and jump, if necessary. A man instinctively knows whether a woman’s parachute is ready. I love Darren intensely and love him even more with each passing day since he treats me like I deserve to be treated, but I would never allow him to mistreat me.
BTW, for all who are interested, drop by my YT channel, take a peek and have a listen. LIKE, SHARE, SUBSCRIBE. I’ll soon make it my routine to make more vlogcasts, provide more detailed thoughts about some of my articles here because that’s the purpose of my UpCulture: Hidden Lessons in Your Pocket series over there. They’re in your pocket. You can listen while doing other things.