—[Readers, I dedicate some of my posts directly to Adanna, my granddaughter, sharing life lessons I’ve learned with her and her female contemporaries, so that they may spread their wings and soar, from the earliest. Her dad, my son, wants me to write all of this down so that she can read these posts when she comes of age.]
CH, thanks for this video LINK!
My Dear Adanna,
This couple is from a video LINK I received yesterday from CH, who happens to be a white man, like your granddad: Darren–who you call Babu. LOL! Btw: you call me Nnenna.
CH usually sends me video links to ads and music videos that show black women with white men in what would be considered non-stereotypical settings. These links assist my advocacy to normalize black American women taking advantage of all their options in every area of life, including their romantic options with men of various races, ethnicities, religions, nationalities, etc. throughout the global village.
At any point in time, it makes no difference what the climate is like in a girl or woman’s life, doesn’t
matter what’s going on in her family, neighborhood, or in the political, racial, financial, social or otherwise situation that may exist in her family, neighborhood, region, or country. First and foremost, it’s her life; she must position herself to soar. Positioning is critical. Just like in the real estate market, the location or position of a house determines how much interest it will attract. The same goes for women when attracting the best CQLL man.
No one ever points out this stark truth to a typical black American teen girl or woman. Or they don’t break it down in bite-size pieces what this really means. Many black women are usually not automatically in the best position socially due to a variety of factors, but what’s worse is that no one ever tells them explicitly that it’s critical for them to do everything necessary or all in their power to change their position to attract higher quality suitors. Since she doesn’t understand the direct connection between her position and her fate, a typical black American woman doesn’t feel any urgency to re-position herself. So just like a perfectly good house that doesn’t sell, mainly because it’s in a bad location, many black American women who are just as deserving as most other women, are just left sitting there. Of course, the big difference is that unlike a house, the women could change their position.
Black women are women first and foremost, and must behave as such, which means that if they want a loving mate, if they want children, they must make it a priority to position themselves in their early twenties to choose and/or be chosen by the most CQLL man possible. Any woman owes it to herself and her future offspring (if there are to be children) to put herself in the orbit of this CQLL man.
The social circle of a woman’s romantic mate can and is virtually guaranteed to drastically alter the course of her life. In the patriarchal world that all women live in, a woman position in the social hierarchy rises or falls with the man she’s chooses as a mate or the one she allows to choose her. If his social circle is a positive, uplifting one, he’s a lifter. He will have a lifting effect on her life and if he’s from a negative social circle, he’s a sinker. He will have a sinking impact on her life. If his life goes nowhere, hers won’t either. Naturally, if she has children by this man, the children will rise, sink, or go nowhere too.
Women rarely ever escape the fate of their man. Don’t let anyone convince you otherwise. It’s scary when you consider what’s at stake, but no one drills this lesson into the brain of a typical black American teenage girl, so she sees no need to vet a male, to check out whether he’s a lifter or a sinker. So many teen girls and women sink because of this one, simple missing lesson. There are other lessons that some never learn or may learn but choose to ignore, but this one is usually never drilled into them or taught. I was taught this lesson. No–this lesson was drilled into me by my grandmother and mother because the stakes were so high. It was a matter of my uplift or my downfall, so they didn’t mince words. They weren’t politically correct at all. A man was either a good catch or no good. They taught me how to tell the difference. So, I knew I couldn’t bring home any junk or allow any junk to latch onto me.
My relationships with CQLL (compatible, quality, loving, lovable) men certainly lifted my life, and with my keen eye on cultural and social relationships, I’ve observed up-close this lifting or sinking pattern in the hundreds of relationships I’ve been motivated to scrutinize. Here’s another layer. I discovered that when I began mingling with men of various ethnicities, I experienced a different, more life-enhancing lifestyle. With men from different ethnicities, I went to widely diverse places, ate varied foods, enjoyed conversations with them in which they offered refreshing, stimulating slants on issues and topics, enjoyed all types of music with them, traveled, engaged in a wide variety of activities that many black American women have told me they never experienced. Since I began this mingling with men of other ethnicities when I was 18, most of my life experiences have been enriched immeasurably.
Anyway, the black woman in this video is shown as the romantic interest of this man, and this music video has a country music flavor. It is SO important to show this because we rarely, if ever, see black women featured as the love interest in this type of video setting. Some people just can’t even imagine that these two could be extremely compatible, a good fit for each other.
It is critically important to show these images because it helps to normalize black women in yet another of the tens of thousands of settings that black women could be in, if they made the choice. I can definitely testify to that because I’ve crossed borders and entered new settings throughout my life. When any person goes into a new setting, they experience a degree of discomfort, but that lessens after a while–little by little. I’ve experienced that discomfort many times and sometimes, it has taken a while for me to become comfortable enough. However, if there was a good chance that I could benefit from remaining in the new setting, I’ve never left due to discomfort because discomfort is just a feeling. Feelings are mostly fleeting, but even if they remain with me, I don’t believe in allowing my feelings, alone, to make life-changing decisions for me that will cause me to lose. We have to look at things long range.
Mostly though, many black women self-limit and restrict themselves to a severely limited number of settings because they do not believe that it’s normal for black women to be found outside of those very few settings. Somebody, somewhere, told them that. Many black American women still believe they need permission from these people to leave these dried up, restricted settings, many of which are completely dangerous or deadly these days.
The irony is that many people who are not black American don’t realize that these women are still seeking permission to leave. When I’ve pointed this out to whites and other non-black Americans, they find that unbelievable because they find it hard to believe black American women need anyone’s permission to do anything. LOL! I think this is because some black American women are mouthy and appear to be strong. But this public demeanor doesn’t really match the makeup of who these women are, down deep inside. Big mismatch. Black American women need the same amount of love and support as any other woman. Anyway, this is why these other folks don’t understand articles like this, where I urge black American women to self-limit no more.