ALL of us together have firmly established that NO AA women needs to live her life without a partner of quality IF she chooses not to do so.
This is the new reality for bw in the United States for sure. This is why I don't even post all of the pics of these couples I receive and/or I don't do it nearly as often as I used to do. It's really no longer anything out of the ordinary. Many bw who people see everyday go home to a non-black male partner.
Smarter bw are taking advantage of many of their romantic (and otherwise) CHOICES. I am thrilled to see more black women engaging in critical thinking and exploring their options. If a bw engages in critical thinking, there are ONLY certain directions she will go, meaning the overwhelming most of smarter AA women will marry men who are QUALITY men from various backgrounds. This is just ONE of the actions she will take since an averagely good marriage has proven to enhance a woman and man's life in all kinds of ways.
Of course, when we make choices, we do so with our minds first, then mainly with our ACTIONS (preparation of SELF first, then positioning, further action, tweaking, more action, more tweaking, better positioning, more action, etc.); never just thoughts and words. Recall that the subtitle of my 2nd BOOK of essays with the accompanying comments is: [The Quality of] 'Your Life Depends on Your CHOICES.' (See my sidebar--available in digital and in print.)
For ex., for breakfast this morning, I CHOSE to have black coffee, 1/2 cup of peach yogurt, one slice of multi-grain bread, a tablespoon of cashews and a few pecans. I won't feel hungry again until around 1 p.m., at which time, I'll probably have some dried fruit, a few more nuts, fruit juice, small salad from veggies from the garden. Darren's tomatoes are so delicious! He sometimes has a tomato sandwich--thick hunks of tomato between 2 slices of multi-grain bread. I usually eat my tomato sandwich with only 1 slice of bread--halved. I never eat meaty sandwiches anymore because I've mostly stopped eating meat. I've influenced him to greatly reduce his meat intake and he' influenced me to stop putting sugar in my coffee and to stop eating chips and other junk. He buys large amount of dried fruits and nuts which are very nutritious, of course. As a result of these dietary choices and our very active lives that include inline skating, biking, walking, gym regimen, his constant working in his garden and arboretum which is spread out over acreage, he's very slim and wiry and I am slim(mer). Lol!
These are our CHOICES.
The point here is that we choose what we eat or not; we choose who we associate with or not; we choose whether we keep our bodies active or not, we choose how we behave or not; we choose how to spend our money, we choose whether to escape (physically, mentally, emotionally, etc.) or stay on the path to the nearest physical, mental, or emotional cliff.
And at my old site, I was on the internet back in 2008, urging AA women to grab what they could and run for the hills--in other words: ESCAPE physically NOW from detrimental persons and places.
Okay, I know by now that there's been a brouhaha in Missouri. I was one of the latest-comers or latest-hearers. LOL! I didn't find out about any of the details until on Sat., Aug. 16 when one of my readers sent me emails containing much of the unfolded horror story. I know she had good intentions, but I've literally BEGGED y'all not to send me horror stories.
Besides, ALL of that is deja vu to me.
(John is Arab-American)
I've mentioned, I don't watch "The Evening News." Most of the time, I live on a somewhat isolated farm where we only have limited cable TV, which I rarely watch. I also don't read the newspaper and I ignore the news captions on the internet. I can literally block out most of the world virtually all of the time. But even when I'm not on the farm, I never watch "the news" since it's made up of one horror story after another designed to keep people glued for the sake of advertisers. I learned some time ago that the REAL "news" will never be televised or if so, not until much later.
That being said, I still know way more than ENOUGH of what's going on and don't need to watch it or be brought up to date. I know that human beings have not changed since I last watched "the news" and write this down: Nothing is going to change unless something apocalytic occurs, similar to how the dinosaurs disappeared after an apocalyse of some sort.
AGAIN: What happened in Missouri was all deja vu to me--except for this ONE disturbing wrinkle. In the pictures I saw, I noticed so many AA/black females (or seemingly females) posing as frontline aggressive MALES or the potential "GRUNTS" (first casualties of warfare who are so named because the "grunt" is the only sound they usually make as the bullets and bombs shatter their flesh).
So, when I looked at the Missouri pictures, I saw a bunch of bw or solitary bw on the front lines as the "grunts." I did wonder whether those were women OR men posing as women. It's confusing to many. Even I can't be sure and this accounts to some extent why the police these days will sometimes handle bw the same way they handle men. A woman who sees herself as a woman will NEVER put herself in the position of engaging in combat with ARMED MEN (sometimes even when her life is in danger). Women who act like warriors as they stand up to armed men--see themselves as something else or some sort of SHEMALE creature and any male is going to deal with her as a shemale or some other oddity.
The fact is that a bw cannot be a frontline warrior today and tomorrow expect to be perceived or treated like a 'damsel in distress.' That is MAGICAL THINKING.
Here is BWE writer KHADIJA's (MUST-READING) take on the behavior of these shemales!
And I do understand their concern about their sons or other bm they love because I have 2 black MEN sons who I fiercely love. No woman could love her son more than I love mine. But neither my sons nor their father would EVER allow me to go on the front lines and face armed men in tanks and automatic weapons for them. LOL! Come on y'all! I want my sons to never forget they are MEN; I don't want them hiding behind women's skirts. EVER. No woman respects a "normal" ADULT male who hides behind a woman's skirts. And real MEN do not want women to fight for them and have disdain for women who do that because those males know that those women don't consider them as competent MEN.
Unlike during the Civil Rights protests of the 60s and 70s when AA women STRATEGICALLY occupied front line positions AFTER much conferencing about who was going to stand where and for how long, and why, I highly doubt that there were any conferences between black males and females in this situation as to who was going to stand where and for how long and for what purpose.
"Patrica is a great-granddaughter of President William Howard Taft and a granddaughter of Senator Robert A. Taft Sr., Republican of Ohio, who was in office from 1939 to 1953."
Thanks, FELICIA! I certainly didn't know that President Taft had a black great-granddaughter. Betcha lots of other folks don't either. Who woulda thunk it? LOL!
I'm going to say some things here that some black readers will HATE for any AA to say publicly, but I'm going to say them because I am AA and I HAVE PAID MY DUES unlike many of y'all who are keyboard warriors.
If necessary, I can PROVE that I've paid my dues, so I'm just tired of the nonsense!
I am blessed to be old enough to have an inside scoop on what happened in the demonstrations of the late 60s and 70s Down South because I was one of the handful of black children CHOSEN (by my elders in the community) to integrate the local "white" high school in Southwestern Alabama and I can recall the meetings and the amount of discussion that went on among the black adults in my community, along with white federal officers sent from Washington to keep blacks from being annihilated by the good white citizens of Alabama. The point is that my going to that school which was actually a terrorist camp for white preteens and teenagers every day, was NOT a will-nilly, knee-jerk decision of my own or on my family's part. It was well-thought out--with strategy and rehearsed tactics. I was NOT sent there to be a "grunt." I was mentally trained (as much as a pre-teen child can be trained) on how to behave in various violent hellhole scenarios and I had lots of support behind me then and afterwards. Actually, I was nervous some of the time, but I didn't get scared until I got grown and realized how close I came to the end of my life many days at that school.
I could never understand what my white tormentors thought I had done to them and since I knew I hadn't done anything to them, I could never grasp the hate they had for me. So, I never got properly scared of them. The way my family explained it to me was: "It's just the way white folks are." That's all they said and children didn't question adults in those days. LOL!
Thanks CH!-- for these YT commercials featuring BWIR! These are important because they are seen by a LOT of people and therefore go a long way toward normalizing these couples.
Commercial 1- IHOP
Commercial 2--Amazon Fire Phone & there also appears to be a bw in the following Samsung Galaxy commercial
To this day--when I go home to Alabama--the folks in that community remember the sacrifice I made or the "investment" I made for US, because they thought we were on the road toward AA general uplift. They are still proud of me because they realize I risked my life everyday for months as I sat on those "white" schoolbuses or in those "white" classrooms. I could have easily become another dead-civil-rights- worker child on the school bus filled with white children terrorists because the bus driver, a trembling white man, wouldn't have turned around to witness or stop anything from happening to me. The other black student on the bus, a younger girl, sat next to me on the bus and cried all the way to school and all the way home. I sometimes wonder what ever happened to her.
Unfortunately, I have to say that in hindsight, going into that daily terror zone was NOT a good investment. It was a bad one, considering how the vast bulk of AAs (by their actions) have peed on my investment and that of the numerous other unsung SHEroes, and/or are so ready to give the best returns away.
And OMG, it's so disheartening to read sites where so many AAs are now BEGGING non-AAs for inclusion or to BE FAIR to them, instead of AAs making it a priority to marry and create strong families and communities THEMSELVES, instead of AAs placing a HIGH value on education and making it their responsibility to educate their children well THEMSELVES, instead of AAs instilling sound values & morals in their children and teaching their children how to behave well THEMSELVES, instead of AAs blaming the teachers and/or TV and raising their children to be productive members of ANY society. AAs need to take responsibility THEMSELVES to LEARN and PRACTICE spending their money wisely, for ex. LIVE BELOW THEIR MEANS instead of trying to buy everything they think they can buy or that the media tells them to buy. Where are their brains, their critical thinking????????
I believe that when you create something of value, others WILL flock to you.
AAs need to learn that it's not their choice whether to support quality black businesses; they should feel OBLIGATED and PROUD to do so and demand that black businesses be quality establishments that employ other blacks since ALL other groups ALWAYS employ a high percentage of their own, etc.
Instead, I read where so many younger AAs continue with the hype that we just can't do any of that because "DE EVIL WHITE FOLKS WON'T LET US."
Khadija often has pointed out how the overwhelming most of AAs make it a point to BOYCOTT all black businesses and black professionals (lawyers, doctors, etc.) and are instead proud to say they shop at the priciest stores owned by NON-blacks.
~~~~~~So, they will RUN past my online shop to get to Macys or Barneys to buy a similar item to what I'm selling, YET, when some of these SAME AAs (and yes, I'm talking about you--IF you do this) are the target of a racial incident, they will ALWAYS expect ME or another black person who might be selling a similar product to take their side and support them in one way or another! Why should I or any black person do that when you didn't support me or that person? Where's the RECIPROCITY? ~~~~~~
NO-NO-NO! You take yourself over to Macy's, Nordstrom's, or Barney's or whichever other non-black business you supported and ask them for support or reciprocity. Go now.
And OMG--over the decades, I've also heard Africans blame former white colonialists for "forcing" them to engage in the corruption that has destroyed THEIR faith in THEIR societies, which in turn has fostered the fleeing of many of the most educated and skilled Africans from their countries.
I have had many heated debates with many Africans about this because I CANNOT figure out how ANY white person is making an African take a bribe that he/she knows will work to undermine the functioning of the country that is his/her children's birthright. I personally believe that the next black person from anywhere who says anything like that needs to be lined up for a public whipping. This type of blaming is extremely harmful because it TEACHES and soothes other blacks into thinking they can do whatever they want and then blame it on someone else.
But I was raised differently, so I have a different mindset--a mindset that is distinctly in the minority. As a child, I was punished if I tried to blame other children for what I did wrong, and I NEVER allowed my sons to blame anyone else for their misdeeds or failures.
[This Rhode Island couple is NOW married. BEAUTIFUL wedding pics! Thanks PK]
I'm NOT saying that life would approach perfection for AAs if they accepted full responsibilty for any of this or put all of this advise into practice; I'm saying they would be a LOT better off and this is what our AA ancestors aimed for: for each generation to be better off than the previous one. That's always what I had in mind when we were raising our sons. I don't know about the rest of y'all in my generation, but I was determined that I was NOT going to drop the ball. And I didn't. It was WAY beyond hard at times, but I did MY part.
But I realize I'm not saying anything new. For decades, I've been hearing numerous others give AAs the same advice in books, TV shows (like PBS "Tony Brown's Journal") at least for the last 35 years and things have gotten MUCH worse among AAs. And I loved the Bev Smith Show. She was indeed the "Queen of Information" at a time when the bulk of AA women still had pride in themselves. This was before bw started swooning over (c)Rappers. I NEVER missed her show. I couldn't wait until Sunday mornings to watch her show and would be so disappointed when it went off. I can still remember that. LOL! Her intelligence, her charm, her wit, beauty, and warmth fed my spirit. Any woman could get a charm class from just watching the way Bev Smith interacted with her guests!
But these days, young women have reality show stars and "Queen Bey" (Beyonce), Nicky Minaj, and Rihanna feeding their spirit. So, there's a different type of woman that results from that feeding because what goes in must come out.
Bear in mind that I'm NOT criticizing these entertainers. They do what they do very well: ENTERTAIN. And I'm happy for their success. However, they have clearly shown by the company they keep that they are NOT leaders that point the way for any sort of thriving-oriented LIFESTYLE for younger women of any group. When I was a younger woman, I loved and watched certain entertainers, but I was never confused about the difference between an entertainer and a woman whose lead I should follow. These days, apparently there is mass confusion about that.
Anyway, ALL of the elders left that I've spoken with sorely regret that AAs ever did any protesting for Civil Rights. They say it was premature and that it would have been best for AAs to remain on those plantations until they actually got themselves prepared mentally to leave because at least AAs had their self-respect in those days--IF nothing else.
So, I'll say this again: AAs need to re-learn and/or reclaim culture or an uplifting CULTURE of some sort. No other group has made any progress without a portion of them learning and practicing a common culture, as our renowned scholar-ancestor Dr. Barbara Sizemore has taught/reminded some of us. Please listen.
And Yay!--the BWE/Common Sense culture is typical of an uplifting mentality/socio-cultural mindset.
It's your right to disagree with the elders or with me if you wish about any of this, but there's no denying that AAs have greatly regressed at break-neck speed, and I know where all of this is headed--if left unchecked. So, despite anyone's good intentions, I don't need to be kept up-to-date.
In other words, PLEASE everyone--do NOT send me horror stories about anything.
Besides, the knowledge is already out there. AA women must simply act on it. But many AA women are apparently hardheaded. Many won't listen; they just start screaming for help when their butts are ablaze. If they don't learn the lesson: THEY WILL REPEAT IT UNTIL THEY LEARN IT. I've said that many times here but some of you think I'm just saying things. I'm not. This is the cycle of life. I'm trying to put some of y'all in touch with REALITY. Reality is what it is and it's never been pretty, but it's REAL.
Yes, not being aware of details or my "ignorance [about the details of what's going on in 'the news'] IS bliss," but I've spent the last 8 years warning bw to get out before they're trapped behind the lines with their predators. I've done all I can because I knew things were going to heat up. This was apparent.
So, remember I've already paid my dues.
Meanwhile, I've created the MICOMSA Network for likeminded ones of us to connect and network with each other online and offline for social connections and enhanced lifestyle support. However, we do NOT spend time dwelling on the various horror stories. We've already learned the lessons, so we instead focus on betterment information, strategies, activities, and lifestyle. If interested in an application, please write: firstname.lastname@example.org