Black Female Interracial Marriage Ezine

Roomadoor Press: "Teach" Wear & Gear, Get Yourself an Uplifting Motto, NPR Article on BM Privilege, Darren and Me-Our Getaway

Update: We are out of town. Had a great day. Relaxing now before going out for the evening. Darren is trying to find a free parking space. LOL!  I'll put up the Teach! Wear and Gear links by early next week.

This essay is a loooonnnng one because it's a combo "Moving On" and "Roomadoor Press" one. LOL! Moving on essays are longer and involve me urging bw to MOVE ON or I'm expounding on various aspects of a certain mindset that some bw might want to consider if they're seeking to "move on."  Roomadoor Press essays are shorter and mainly about me and Darren.

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In this pic are Andrea, who was a communications major at USC in 2007, when she met Glenn,  a neurologist and multimillionaire, and here's the WEBSITE showing their ultra lavish wedding that was featured on WebTV.Their wedding was shown again on WebTV on March 7th. Thanks for sending the pic, AF, and mentioning that.

 I vaguely recall seeing this couple before, so I "may" have posted their pic before but thank you AF for highlighting the fact that they met on an online dating site.

Some bw STILL refuse to use online dating as a means to meet quality men, and they usually refuse for antiquated reasons, IMO. For those bw and others who'd prefer to sign up with a site that "specializes" in Interracial Dating, please see my right sidebar. Fill out the box there OR click on the pic of the IR couples.

Anyway, I appreciate that AF pointed out that Glenn was captivated by Andrea's EYES. LOL! I want to emphasize this aspect of  Andrea's online profile.

AF said: "Apparently, she ONLY had a picture of her eyes on her online profile and that was enough to capture his interest."

Bw, this shows that you do NOT need to expose your body to get the attention of the right kind of men, for the purpose of meeting a man for a long-term, committed relationship or MARRIAGE. But, hopefully, you already know this. Yes, you ought to accentuate your positive attributes and you should always be well groomed with a pleasant demeanor, but you do not need to expose your flesh, unless you're peddling your flesh.  And, you must totally get away from areas or men where you can't be pleasant and well groomed for fear of harassment. Men are very good at figuring out your dimensions WITHOUT you exposing your flesh or wearing latex-glovetight clothes.  Obviously, some of you do not realize that and for the vast majority of heterosexual males/men, all it takes to arouse interest in you is knowing that you're anatomically female. LOL!  Men are wired that way. So, you are cheapening yourself and getting the wrong kind of attention by showing your "dimensions," whether online or offline.

Bw, there are lots of bm and bm-identified bw who will try to make you believe that only an old wm, or a poor or uneducated wm or one who can't get a ww, or etc. would want you, a bw. Do NOT believe that for a second! Yes, those men are out there, but why are you some of you so willing to believe that these are the typical wm who approach bw? Some poor, uneducated bm who can't get a ww are also with bw.

ALL heterosexual men look for women at some point in their lives or are looking for women today, but thankfully all men are NOT looking for that "mixed chick" or a whiter skinned woman that many AA men, in particular, adore. Obviously, Glenn above was not looking for a white-skinned woman; he was looking for a woman who appealed to him, and he spotted Andrea's beauty and quality. Among the many wm who are seeking a mate today, many of them have Glenn's mindset.

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Okay, as I've mentioned many times, I'm a producer-entrepreneur, meaning that I usually have a hand in creating what I sell. I am offering my collection of "Teach" Wear & Gear (please keep an eye-maybe tomorrow--on my right sidebar). All of these items will have sayings or mottoes from my most important lessons that I've taught in my teaching essays.  Please consider buying an item, not only for yourself, but for the many black girls and bw who don't have a clue about much of what we talk about on these BWIR/BWE sites. My "Thrive Rule #1," which is imprinted on the first series of items is MANDATORY learning, IMO, for black girls and women especially.

Thrive Rule #1: "The choice of a mate is the single most important decision that any woman makes in her life, especially if there are to be children.  If she chooses well, she and her children will reap many rewards, but if she chooses poorly, she has paved the way for herself to suffer and her offspring to suffer, for generations!"

If this one rule can become instilled in the brains of many young bw, this can change the reality of many of them and their children--forever.

Also, please refer my store to others. Click on any item and it'll take you to that item in my store at Cafe Press.

I advocate that many more bw should become entrepreneurs, whether you produce your own items or not. I just happen to prefer to create and produce the items I sell, but many business people sell items created and made totally by others, as you know. Same difference.

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There's a link below to an article that Lorraine sent me where a bm professor at a prominent university acknowledges bm privilege and admits that bm, as a group, oppress bw, as a group. Well, Duh! Okay, I'm mentioning this here for 2 important reasons.

1)  I would like for everyone to know that whereas I do want to receive BWIR pics and video links and such, I do NOT want to receive any more of this type of article (link below). I'm tired of teaching. LOL! I'll be spending most of my time in the future in "Roomadoor Press" which is the 2nd chapter of my blogging life. For those people who only recently started reading my site, "Living Well" and "Moving On" were parts of my 1st chapter. I have about 450 teaching essays that I wrote under those headings and I'm publishing some of those essays in my books. Books 1, 2, and 3 are for sale (check sidebars) and other books of mine will be forthcoming.

[Note to NEW readers: I'm also publishing the essays (for future purposes) as an historical account of the demise of the group of people who were called "coloreds people in the USA," Negroes in America, Black Americans, or African-Americans because all the major social indicators clearly show now that this group of people will cease to exist in the next few decades. You're free to disagree with me, but as an  ethnologist, I know this will happen because AA's never considered it important to develop a "Reasonably Uplifting Culture Of Some Sort" (RUCOSS), after the Civil Rights movement. And now, it's too late.

I've already done my grieving.  I've identified proudly in the past as a member of this group due to the way we once were. Since I'm a woman who came through other black women who I will always honor, I decided to document our last days from the viewpoint of an ordinary, typical bw. I'm doing this because I believe that we're important women in the history of this country and now, and as a black female I've always noticed that the voices, minds, and hearts of black women in this country (aside from a few) are non-existent in history books, just as virtually all women's voices are mute in the Bible.]

There are, however, several other BWIR/BWE bloggers who are still in teaching mode (some are mentioned in my left sidebar). I realize that Lorraine had good intentions for sending this piece to me, but the substance of this article is NEGATIVE as it relates to bw. I won't flood bw with negative news about their present condition because there are so many positives to focus on, instead, at least for many among the segment of bw who read my site. So everyone, please send these links to someone else, if you must send them.

Also, as I've pointed out, you can turn any negative into a positive. For ex, as a result of the horrific persecution that Jewish people have experienced historically, they have a motto/slogan "Never Again," which they embrace and actualize in all of the important areas of their lives, no matter who doesn't like it. I see other groups of embattled people doing the same thing. BLACK WOMEN must do the same, instead of wallowing in negativity. Many of you CHOOSE to focus on negativity and this is what your enemies want.

You are beautiful. You are intelligent. You are warm, loving, and generous. You are vivacious. I'm all of these and more. My husband tells me these things and more, but more importantly, he TREATS me like I'm loved and valuable to him. I've been treated like this by other men too because I choose men who know how to treat me. Remember that it doesn't matter what people say; what's critical is how they TREAT you. So, I believe that I will always be able to keep my quality mate interested in me. However, if he were to change his mind about me, I believe that I will always be able to attract a quality mate. I watch what I eat. I incorporate fitness and with-it-ness into my life. I feed my intellect and my spirit with nourishing uplifting content. I monitor what I think and feel. I am a wonderful being. I surround myself with quality others who agree with how I see myself, so I believe that anyone else who thinks differently about me is wrong. You may not understand me, but this is the world I inhabit. I carry this world around with me inside my head everywhere I go. Someone else may be able to harm my body, but they can never damage my personal world, my BELIEFS.

This is how Evia thinks. This is what I BELIEVE. I cannot be moved from my world because it's a world that's been very good to me. It's paid me major dividends. These are my BELIEFS.

I've suggested that other bw come up with their own personal view of themselves or a slogan. It doesn't have to be a group slogan. I suggested an example of my personal slogan last week (scroll down). That's just a simplified version of one that I've embraced and actualized in my life. The main motto that I use and the one that has always kept me keeping on no matter what type of adversary I face is: "I WILL NOT LET THEM WIN!" You may get me down, but you will never keep me down, and trust me--I've been tested many times in my life. This motto always re-energizes me instantly and I bounce back up like the 'Energizer bunny.' LOL! This may not work for some of the others of you, but when I say this to myself, I can feel waves of new energy and determination flooding my body.

Back to bw's choices: If you put ANY typical person in an environment around only  or mostly rotten food and/or they don't know how to identify rotten food, they ARE going to eat rotten food, no matter how many ways you blame them for eating it, and no matter how you tell them to make better choices. (I'm doing a Vetting Newsletter where I will strictly focus on this, for bw who want to learn ways to identify and choose better mates. If you're interested in subscribing, please scroll down to the post I did below for the details and contact me.)

Dating and marriage with QUALITY mates are the prime focus of my message because whereas many bw in the U.S. can figure out how to avail themselves of their options in all other areas of life, some of them bomb in the romance area due to their thinking they have to settle for the type of men in their immediate environment. The narrow-minded thinking of some of these women blinds them to the LARGEST pool of Quality men available to them: WHITE MEN. I'm VERY aware that some bw are not interested in dating wm and I'm equally aware that lots of wm are not interested in dating or marrying bw. However, many of both groups ARE interested in each other. Many quality wm are totally open to the possibility of dating, loving, and marriage to a bw, and bw, you do NOT need for tens of thousands of wm to be interested in a serious relationship with you. YOU only need a moderate number of quality interested men from whom you can choose a mate.

Because of all the bad press about how wm at ONE dating site were not receptive to dating bw, a couple of weeks ago, I updated my age on a profile I've had on a prominent site for years. I don't even have a picture there and within 2 days of my update, about 15 wm profiles popped up. I checked them out to determine whether they were open to dating bw, and ALL of them had NO preference when it came to the race or ethnicity of the woman they seek. Most of these men would be quite appealing--to me, worht checking out IF I were looking for a mate. I know they'd like to be checked out because heterosexual men like women, and bw are the least likely to give a wm the green light (due to the notions that Karyn Langhorne Folan talks about in her book--scroll down). IF I'd been looking for a mate, I would have winked at many of these males, and I believe that within a month or two, I'd have more dates than I could handle.

So based on my experience and my outlook, my observations, readings, numerous discussions about bw dating wm, the relatively low rate of bw-wm dating is MAINLY due to bw--NOT wm.

The following response is to refute a comment made in a negative note that  I just received from a bm, where he claimed to be be concerned about how wm will feel if bw make them feel like they're 2nd choice to bm, let me stress this:

***And individual White men who respect bw and are willing to treat bw well are NOT 2nd choice for most bw. I hope that no wm believes that.  White men are a pool of men that many bw have been INDOCTRINATED not to consider as dates or husbands due to the various lies told to bw about wm.  That's it. These same lies were told to me. AA women are STILL being told these lies in 2010 by black people they trust.  As a matter of fact, as more bw realize they've been lied to, more of them are going to ONLY mate and marry loving and loveable wm because wm, as a group, SHOW everyday that they're much more marriage and family oriented than bm.  White men will become the 1st choice of many bw in the next decade due to the marital and fatherhood BEHAVIOR of wm, not their white skin. Many bw can just as easily love a wm as any other men.

It is NOT in the DNA of a bw to ONLY love a bm. It's no more "normal" for a bw to love a bm than it is for her to love a wm. These skin shade labels are all CONSTRUCTED man-made differences. We're all in the same species.

And I think BWIR advocates and supporters must make this clear at every opportunity because I suspect that there is going to be an attempt to hammer this into wm--that a bw is only with them as a 2nd choice. PLEASE!

The vast majority of women of ALL groups seek marriage and would prefer to have their children inside of a marriage. Black women are not different. However, if all AA women were to wait to be married before having children, the AA population would virtually die out with this generation. Just look at the numbers.

Also, Darren continues to say that if more bw were to socialize in more scenarios where there are more wm, more wm would ask more bw out. The vast majority of wm are never going to come to the black side of town or to a black church or to an Elks club cookout, etc. Wm do not have to do anything different and they will meet lots of women.  But since your tax dollars are helping to pay for many of the amenities that whites enjoy in the so-called "white side" of town, there is nothing stopping you from going there.

When I was in college, I had girlfriends who only felt comfortable around blacks, but I also had a couple of girlfriends who felt comfortable going wherever we could meet cute guys. LOL! Therefore we went to all kinds of places and events. Trust me, when we went to dude ranches, ice skating, skiing, foreign movies, the ballet, Broadway shows, hiking, certain clubs and restaurants, etc., we met white men who certainly expressed interest in us. I do NOT believe that the world has changed that much or that male DNA has changed at all.

Mainly, I thing that many bw are going to have to change their values around which men they view men as appealing and the reasons why. I repeat: A change in values is REQUIRED and any person can RE-TRAIN themselves to think differently about anything--IF they CHOOSE to do so.

Recall that my husband, Darren, has pointed out (and I've mentioned that in several essays) that bm need to and can RE-Train themselves to see the beauty in dark skinned bw and to stop their mass rejection of quality dark-skinned women as mates. Well, bw also need to change their values to embrace ALL quality, interested men as potentially possible loving partners.

Many black women would agree totally with bm changing their colorstruck ways, however many of you bw don't want to change your VALUES around flocking towards only those swaggering, thuggy "brothas."

Recall that even Michelle Obama initially considered Barack (with his 2 degrees from Ivy League universities) as "too soft." SMH  That shows how deeply "rooted" so many AA women are in what makes a man an appealing man. That shows how so many AA women who ought to know better have adapted to desiring a low-quality or no-quality bm IF he "appears" to be hardcore, thuggy, or a "bad boy." Likewise, some men are attracted to "slutty" women, but they'll have their fling with her and that's that. Many sensible women of other groups and some AA women will have a fling with a "bad boy," but will never even think about having a future with him or allow him to impregnate them. Some women can even love a "bad boy," but still will NOT allow him to destroy their lives. There are women who can just treat sex as sex. NO more.

If a bm is not a Quality man or is a DBR, there ought to be NOTHING appealing about him to you in the serious mating department. For ex., MOST AA men who've ever approached me have never interested me because of that fake "Mr. Smooth and Cool" attitude and because they all seem to think they are penis gods. And what I find most amazing is that the bulk of them don't seem to be able to get it that lots of bw, like me who are interested in a man's substance--not a fake attitude or swagger, are not interested in them whatsoever. So, I'm personally happy that those Mr. Cool types can find non-bw who are interested because bw like me know that those men have no substance or very little substance. The good thing is that there's someone for everyone out there! So likewise, if lots of bm don't want me, then I can easily accept and even appreciate that because I don't want non-quality men or those lacking substance. You shouldn't want men like that bothering you either because when men like that bother you, there are often problems.

So for those bw who find those "Mr. Smooth and Cool "bm sexually exciting, the way my mother or grandmother broke it down to me is that if you find feces exciting, then don't complain when you (and your children) starting smelling foul.

And there is no denying that not even many among the relatively tiny pool of marriageable bm are willing to marry any woman these days. Many of these males are simply looking for semen dumps.

So, I know that there are zillions of negative events going on at all times in the world, and

2) I would hope that most bw already know that the oppression and control of bw's bodies is THE twin-prime focus of the bulk of bm since bw's bodies (and bw's resources) are the only "commodity" that AA men have ever had any control over. Despite the fact that I hear bm online and offline say that other men in the world feel "threatened" by bm, the fact is SOME bw are the only people on earth who take bm seriously.

Other men do not feel threatened by bm because other men FEED bm. People do not feel threatened by anyone who they're feeding. It's NOT actual fear--because all the feeder has to do is stop feeding that person or thing that they're supposedly threatened by, and that's the end of that. Trust me--other groups of men in the world know this. LOL! Other men who feed bm are doing it for another reason, which I won't mention here. The next time you hear a bm saying that wm are afraid of bm, just remind that silly "brotha" how ridiculous he sounds.

Other people easily manipulate and use bm because bm, as a group, do not focus hardly any of their energy on constructing and maintaining families, communities, businesses, companies, countries, etc. As near as I can tell, MOST bm seem to spend the bulk of their energy in pursuit of sexual conquests. That's it. I could be wrong, but not by much because I don't see where AA men focus energy and resources on anything else much, aside from acquiring food, clothing, and shelter. Oh, and what I find particularly disgusting about AA men is that they're constantly trying to goad bw to get out there and solve the so-called bc's problems and IF a bw is silly enough to assume a leadership position in this regard or any way aside from the kitchen or leading him to the bedroom, then those same AA men will accuse those women of being too aggressive, too masculine, and not listening to bm, and say that's why they've got to get them a ww. 

AA women, STOP falling for the same-ole okey-doke!

Notice how even the bm professor in this interview seems to be sex-focused because even though bm make more money than bw in certain jobs, what are the men doing with their mega bucks aside from buying more sex with it?  As I've stressed to my children, "It's not how much you make that counts; it's how much you KEEP."

Bm have not earned the respect of other people in the world because they don't invest in their women, children, and communities. They are "other-focused." Therefore, not only the DBRs, but even many of these so-called other-focused "good" bm will continue to do all they can to maintain control of bw's bodies and to do that they have to continue to try to convince bw that other men will not love them or marry them. Their other main tactic is that they will appeal to your "BLACK"ness. You can nip this last tactic in the bud by tearing up your "black" card.

As long as you're identifying as a "black" woman, these males and many bm-identified bw are going to be trying to exploit you and use you by reminding you and pressuring you that since you're a "black" woman, you're supposed to be doing yadda-yadda for bm or the bc. Naturally, these same folks never pressure bm or the bc to do diddly for you. No reciprocity or barely any. So, you will always lose with that "black" card, if you're a black female. It will only attract leeches.

Black women, I, Evia, have ripped up my "black" card because I clearly saw that it's actually not worth anything to me as a so-called bw. I would advise y'all to do the same. If the BLACK woman card is worth something these days, I would like for someone to write me and explain it in detail. However, my WOMAN card is highly valuable since it was given to me by my Creator. The BLACK label was assigned to me by racist white people.

Other than these two tactics, bm have NO POWER to stop any bw from being with the man of her choice. And please point out and remind other gullible, magical thinking bw that the masses of AA men do not love bw and obviously increasingly don't marry bw. But GEEZ, these bm have a zillion and one reasons why they can't love or marry you and your daughters. LOL! They say these things because they believe that YOU believe them. 

Notice how this professor "appears" to be on the side of bw.  That's so unique these days until he's on NPR. LOL! It shows that others are very aware of how so many bm devalue bw.

Many AA women will "give" this man high praise for speaking out against bm oppression and exploitation of bw. He will be considered one of those "GOOD" bm. Easily-duped bw who hunger for a friendly-sounding bm would think that this man is their friend, but what exactly is he giving up? He's actually benefiting from being the "good" or "friendly" bm. I hope I'm wrong, but I suspect that if there's even a minimum amount of serious opposition from other bm to his message, he'll change his tune.

Here what key:  It's his role as a MAN (since he identifies as a "man") to defend and protect black women simply because he identifies as a black man--just like it's my role as a parent to protect my children! I don't need to or want to be praised for performing my ROLE. That's actually an insult to me!

So when any bw praises a bm for performing his ROLE, they're actually saying that they've subscribed to the notion of low expectations for bm.  There is NOTHING stopping lots and lots of AA men these days from performing their role, so I, for one, will never applaud them for doing it when they do because even my father and grandfather who both lived their lives under Jim Crow performed THEIR ROLE.

So it's NOT about bm not making enough money. Please point that out at every opportunity. That's not the reason most bm are not marrying. That old lie is just used to jack whites up for more money or make them feel guilty. 

Also, bw, as more bm make more money and get more education or otherwise move on up, it'll only marginally benefit bw because increasingly bm (those who have a wider choice in women) are showing that they're not interested in dating bw (aside from sex), or marrying bw and making families with bw. However, if you resemble a "mixed chick" or are whiter-skinned, your chances are higher of bagging a typical bm, and the "Yellamon87" character in the post below explains why.

With that in mind, YOU have to decide what you want to do with your time, money, other resources, energy, including your sexual energy. Do not expect for other bw in your family or your girlfriends, or the "system" to be the surrogate "father" for your children, as so many bw now do. I know that every single bw reading this knows of several cases where bw  (mothers, grandmothers, aunts, sisters, female cousins, girlfriends, etc.) are performing the role or a big chunk of the baby-daddy in a black child's life.

I've noticed this pattern for years. A black woman associate of mine recently became annoyed with me when I refused to help her out financially with an expense for her sons. Why should I do that when the children's father is laying up with another woman, giving that woman money???? I'm not the father of these children! It would be different if the father, through no fault of his own, became unable, but why should I have to help support his children, while he spends his money the way he wants?

I expect for a man of any group to perform his role or else I'm not going to regard him as a man. It won't matter that he's anatomically male or how deep his voice is or what he claims to be.

SMH  Bw, I would hope that y'all remember as you read this article and similar others that oppressors--whether sexist or raicsts NEVER give up easily. Oppressors are not FAIR. Bm sexist-oppressors are not going to walk away from the only commodity they even have a semblance of control over. So, it's guaranteed that they'll keep trying with various tactics to keep you asleep, lull you to sleep, or get you to sleep--AGAIN.

Look at all men as INDIVIDUALS and vet them as such. Do NOT downgrade them or upgrade them based on surface characteristics. Base your regard for ANY man on the way he TREATS you.

Okay, without further adieu, here's the link to the ARTICLE and the audio on NPR. LOL!

To summarize, PLEASE do not send me any more of these negative or horror articles.

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Darren and Me:

We're planning a short getaway starting tomorrow and through the weekend. Under Roomadoor Press, I'll jot down some of what we do/did during the trip (since we'll take a laptop) or I'll write about it when we get back.

BFIM Gazette: Karyn Langhorne Folan's TV Interview with "Russia Today," Support & Reciprocity, Must-Read Vintage Essay

**Update: I've posted a Vintage essay below from my BOOK 3. Black women: This is MUST-Reading for any bw who comes into contact with "typical"AA men/males. Bw, please read this essay and pass it on because most of y'all are caught up in the midst of a gigantic HOAX. I'm posting this essay as a freebie because I'm getting "vetting" questions from bw and some of these young bw have already been victimized by this HOAX. SMH For your daughter's sake and that of other bw you love, you need to read this essay.

Here is another interview with Author, Karyn Langhorne Folan on "RUSSIA TODAY." Karyn is the author of the MUST-READ book, "Don't Bring Home A White Boy And Other Notions That Keep Black Women From Dating Out." Karyn has done a LOT of interviews by now on radio and TV and it is, of course, only a matter of time before  she will be on the  BIG shows on major networks. That's in the works. Anyway, here's Karyn representin'.  FANTASTIC JOB, as usual, Karyn!!

As you know by now,  I hope, by now, that everyone reading this has their copy of her book.  Remember, SUPPORT! SUPPORT! SUPPORT!  That's a critical plank in the BWIR-BWE platform. This is one KEY way that others show you they are valuable to you--by supporting you. It's also the key way you show others that you are valuable to them--by supporting them.  Support those who support you (Reciprocity)!  With enough support, bw can get through ANYTHING and we can accomplish anything. Remember my motto: Let others whine; I Achieve and Excel.

Karyn is doing a wonderful job of educating people on an international basis with these interviews regarding a key issue facing AA and similarly-situated black women. She's classy, eloquent, thorough. And Karyn is beautiful without having 15 professional makeup artists work on her for hours, as is often the case with women in the media who lots of people consider beautiful. Karyn provides a WONDERFUL image of the casual beauty of black women!  Don't y'all want to look like Karyn and be classy like her when y'all grow up? I know I do!

She's providing a very valuable type of support for AA/black women because when anyone represents YOU well, that's worth its weight in gold in a world where perception becomes reality!!  So, make sure you get her book. Please click on it in my left sidebar to order it from Amazon. I've seen the book on bookshelves in major bookstores in large cities, so  you can also check with Barnes and Noble and Borders near you. If they're sold out, they'll certainly order it for you. The more you buy the book, the more they will order--since bookstores are in business to make money.

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VINTAGE Essay:

The HOAX! Against Black Women: THREE

 

 June 22, 2007

 [Picture: Dawn Simpson (daughter of BET's Donnie Simpson) and fiancé, Dan Falls (Real Estate Developer) (To see this couple, please visit the “Celebrity BW-IR-Married Picture Gallery” at blackfemaleinterracialmarriage.com)]

 Please read HOAX parts ONE and TWO before reading this entry.

  Bw, after reading this, if you don't understand the whole story of this hoax, you're hopeless. We should be so thankful for the anonymity of the internet because most of us will never meet a black man who'll lay out the whole truth as 'Yellamon87' does below. Remember, these guys change their names on the internet, but their argument is almost always the same.

 This faceless black man explains some of the most critical reasons why 70% of bw are single, and we all know that many of those women would prefer to be married to a loving and loveable man. After reading the “Hoax” series, particularly parts 2 and 3, you'll be better able to determine your chances of getting a 'black prince' if that’s your preference. If you determine that your chances are slim, it would be the smartest decision you could ever make to take concrete steps toward taking advantage of ALL of your dating and marriage options. NOW. Don’t wait any longer—whatever you have to do. Don't wait until it too late and have regrets.

 After reading this exchange between ‘Yellamon87,’ and me please e-mail these entries to a black woman who you care about. Reading these entries may hurt her, but it also will hopefully free her from the shackles of loyalty that bind her to the DBRbm. You'll be doing her the greatest favor ever!

 Also, after reading this, you’ll better understand why I don’t engage in these debates with these bm who accuse me of not wanting to debate with them. I can rip their arguments to shreds because I already know what their arguments are. There’s nothing new in their arguments. I know all of their talking points and the only reason they want to talk to me is because they want attention and they want to deflect my focus. They crave attention! They’ll do anything to get attention and this is why they’re all over the internet with foul Youtube videos denigrating and defiling bw.

 They keep using the same baseless arguments because the same arguments have worked so well to misdirect and manipulate bw for so long. Any bw should be able to rip these characters lame points to pieces by now. If they want me to continue to debate with them, they’ll have to come up with something creative and new.

 Anyway, he kept writing me—just had to discuss this with me, to explain to me why bm seek out lighter-whiter women as mates,  so I engaged in this debate with him behind the scenes.

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 Evia:

 And as for bm wanting ww because there is something lacking in bw, it has nothing to do with white women, as a group, having any particular quality that black women don’t have because there is no essential difference between "races" of people. There are differences between individuals, not entire groups.

 Yellamon87:

 There are differences between cultures and ethnicities and the truth is that white women tend to have more appealing attitudes, are less hostile, are more open minded, have more energy, are more affectionate, take better care of themselves, and have more zest for life. I'm sure that you can make similar comparisons between black and white men, but for one gender of the black race to point the finger at the other is pure hypocrisy.

Evia:

 There are many bw who take good care of themselves, and are still rejected by bm if they’re not light or Euro enough in looks. Bw, as a group, could take better care of themselves if they weren’t the sole caretakers of their children that have been abandoned by bm. And this is called 'the grass always looks greener.' Bw rarely discriminate against bm on the basis of skin shade to get a non-black man—and even more rarely only for skin shade. This is racial discrimination, which is the very same discrimination that the Dbrbm’s favorite scapegoat, ‘de evil white man,’ perpetrates against blacks, based on skin shade. It is no less terrible when bm do it to bw!

 Some wm say that bw have more appealing attitudes than ww and consider bw to be very warm, loving, supportive, spunky, less manipulative, less devious, more understanding, more generous, less materialistic, and less selfish than ww. But once again, these are individual traits experienced by individual men.

 Pursuing a woman, simply because of her light-white skin shade is racial discrimination. Subscribing to the notion that lighter-whiter skin is prettier or somehow more appealing and that lighter-whiter people are more intelligent and more pleasant to be around simply because they’re lighter and whiter is the notion at the foundation and core of racism or white supremacy. You’re supporting racism to the max when you, as a bm, subscribe to that notion.

 Yellamon87:

 Same for pursuing a man for the same reason. The funny thing is that you would have no complaint about a black man who only dates dark skinned women or only dates black women in general, yet this is a person who is limiting his dating based on skin shade. Hypocrisy at its best.

 Evia:

I agree that whenever ANY person attributes all good traits to one race and all the bad ones to another, that is racism, whoever does it. This is why many bw are still determined to find a “good” bm despite the numbers and the odds, because they believe they can still find individual bm with positive traits.

However, you just tried to misdirect and deflect this conversation. LOL! I want you to know that I know that.

The foundation of racism was not based on the supremacy of dark skin; it was based on the totally constructed notion of the supremacy of white skin and white people. Racial discrimination is based on discriminating against dark-skinned people. I’m saying that bm should choose an appealing woman based on her qualities and traits. Period. It should have nothing to do with her skin shade. The inference in what you’re saying is that dark-skinned women are just not appealing or lack appealing qualities and traits. That’s the same racism practiced by white supremacists. You’re not going to succeed at misdirecting me.

 I abhor the discrimination that bm perpetrate against dark-skinned bw. Those men are being hypocritical and racist because bm have the power, in this case, to act or not to act on their prejudice. It's the same thing that racist white people do to black people. They discriminate on the basis of skin shade. So why is it okay for bm to discriminate against bw who have tightly coiled hair, dark skin, and broader features when it's not okay for white folks to discriminate against those same bm based on bm’s skin shade? All of those traits are African-inherited traits.

Yellamon87 said:

 Wouldn't you say that creating a blog begging black women to date white men is an abnormality? You hardly promote black women dating Asian or Latino men.

 Evia responds:

 Oh, so now you’ve changed the subject. LOL! More deflecting. Your type would love it if I encouraged bw to seek to date the relative handful of Asian and Hispanic men compared to wm because of the much greater numbers of wm in every part of this country versus the much smaller numbers of Asian men and Hispanic men. You cannot argue with numbers. Numbers are critical to this discussion. Due to those much higher numbers of wm, you know that many of those bw have a much greater chance of finding a wm who will commit to them than an Hispanic or Asian. The numbers increase the probability of that astronomically.

 Then too, many Hispanic men also discriminate against the darker women in their own group. I know Hispanic women who complain about that. Asian men even tend to discriminate against the Asian women who are mixed with white, let alone a black woman or a black woman mixed with Asian. Their preference is for a "pure" Asian woman. It's interesting that those same dark Hispanic women who are 2nd choice to some lighter Hispanic men are pursued by a typical AA man. Of course, all non-bw women know they can easily get a bm.

 Another key aspect of slanting bw’s focus towards wm is that a typical white man who dates black women appreciates a much wider range of black women’s beauty than do bm, Asian men, and as I said, even Hispanic men. When dating wm, the dark skinned bw is rarely penalized for being "too dark" because many wm who date bw do not discriminate nearly to the extent that bm and other nonwhite men do. All bw are dark(er)-skinned to a typical wm. Also, to a wm, mostly all bw have non-Euro hair and mostly all bw have less-Euro noses than a typical Euro woman. So typical wm who date bw are not out there with a microscope dissecting a bw’s West African inherited racial traits and ruling out those bw who have more of those traits, the way many AA men do these days.

Yellamon87:

 But white men who date black women are rare. The vast, vast, vast majority of black men date black women and the percentage of black men who appreciate a wide range of black beauty is far greater than the percentage of white men who date black women.

 Evia:

 Yes, but the percentage of wm who are dating bw is increasing every day and you know that. LOL! This is because many bw who’ve been indoctrinated not to date wm are no longer excluding wm from their dating pool. So the wm who want to date bw, the ones who are presently dating bw, and those who will begin to date bw are on the rise. Lots of bm know that. If you didn’t believe it’s happening and is going to continue to happen, you would just dismiss my blog because according to you, wm are not, or rarely, going to date and marry bw anyway. Hmmmmm?  LOL! Why get your testicles all twisted about things that [according to you] are not going to happen? Hmmmmmmmm?

  You might fool some, but you can’t fool me. I know this is why some bm are now trying so hard to smear bw, to make us seem as undesirable as possible to other men and simultaneously, these bm are trying to cover up their own racially discriminatory attitudes towards bw’s beauty and desirability as mates. Bm want to have bw as a money and sex safety net, just in case other women and other things don’t work out. A large slice of y’all don’t value bw because of your dislike of your OWN selves due to your own defeated status when compared to other men in the world. This is why many of you don’t respect bw, don’t elevate us, and don’t treat us right. You look at us and see your reflection, so you don’t like us either.

 Let me give you some advice. Y’all need to be focusing all of your energy toward trying to change your status in a normal way [the way other men have increased their status] instead of trying to debase bw. Meanwhile, I’m urging upwardly mobile bw to cut the cord on defeated-minded men and hitch their wagon to men of all skin shades who are thriving in the world. Black women have the ‘female card’—a very valuable card. I urge each bw to polish her card in all kinds of ways and play that card in a shrewd way.

 So I know that some in the black and white media would have us believe that wm aren’t interested in bw, and this is the main reason why I post the pictures of these bw-wm couples—to disprove the lie that bw and wm dating is not happening in much greater numbers than many people even want to think. And many of these couples are getting married because the bulk of bw and white people, in general, still believe in getting married.

 Some bw actually believe what you say when you tell them that few men want them. Therefore, they remain focused on “only a bm,” which is what most AA men want, despite the costs to bw.

I'm a typical looking bw, who "looks" like I'm of West African descent. I don't look Euro, and I had proportionally more wm who were seriously interested in me than AA men once I started letting wm know I was receptive. So I know it's a myth that ‘wm don't want bw’ or only ‘want bw for sex’ because I have experienced their interest level myself. Many bw are/have been "stuck in the past" and are just not receptive to wm and some don’t even know how to be. Even I wasn't receptive to wm for a period of my life—during my thankfully short-lived ‘power to the people’ days, and wm didn't approach me then. You just wait until lots of bw decide to open up to wm.

 Once again, bw would have to be having a mass hallucination to be wrong about the disproportionate numbers of bm who date according to their preference for light skin and more Euro traits. Don't even think you can get me to believe that they don’t. With the surplus of bw available these days, it’s often easy for bm to pick and choose those lighter women. And increasingly white is the new light. Light-skin is no longer light enough for some bm, now that a bm can get a ww without getting hanged.

 And you know about this pattern of discrimination. Stop pretending you don’t. You know that a typical “brotha” actively discriminates against darker women with broad features and instead moves directly towards lighter-whiter and/or Euro-featured women.

 Yellamon87:

 This is a false statement and you have nothing to back it up, save for your own flawed perception. Now there may be an advantage for women who have Euro features, but then again, some of the black women considered most attractive are black women mixed with Asian.  No Euro-features there. But understand that black women who are mixed are considered by most black men to be more physically attractive than pure white women. Most black men view the typical black woman as more attractive than the typical pure white woman.

 Evia:

 LOL! I’m thinking of a dark-skinned bw right now from Panama who has typical Asian looks because she’s “mixed with Asian,” but she also has broader features. She has barely gotten any interest from bm. This shows that there are some typical ‘mixed with Asian’ bw who many typical Euro-idolizing bm do not prefer—especially if her West-African inherited traits (dark skin, nose, etc.) are prominent, like the woman I mentioned. So you're glossing over this because you know that typical bm do not prefer those West African inherited traits.

 (Smh) So we’re back to the rejection of a lot of typical bw based on West African inherited racial traits. You know that most AA women don't look like they're mixed with Asian or heavily mixed at all. So we’re back to bm hunting and pecking for looks that only a tiny percentage of AA women may have. That, in itself, is mass rejection of AA women. And what if bw preferred to support, defend, be loyal to, and love only AA men who seemed to be mixed with Asian or mixed, period? Almost all of y’all would be dead by now because we would have gotten rid of you at birth.

 See, this is one reason why I call y’all ‘damaged beyond repair.’ Mentally healthy men who have pride in their group do not go around hunting and pecking for “mixed” women in their group and put the beauty of the mixed woman on a pedestal. The overwhelming majority of white, Asian, Indian, etc. men tend to adore the pure looks of their own women, no matter what. A typical wm, for example, may agree that Garcelle, Halle, or Alicia is much prettier than Paris, for ex. but that doesn't mean he'll reject Paris to get any one of those women, or even all 3 of them. The bulk of mentally healthy men of other groups don't pick through their women looking for "mixed" women or choose women on the basis of simply cute "looks" at the expense of quality. This is definitely one of the reasons why you don’t find that 70% of ww are unmarried.

  And this is just another reason why the many broader-minded wm are a more sensible, much larger pool of men for bw to look to for mates. Their idea of beauty extends far beyond a woman's face, complexion, hair length/texture or whether she is “mixed.” This is true for wm and for the bulk of men from other groups. My Nigerian ex-husband said that a Nigerian man may think that a Nigerian woman is beautiful, but that's not nearly enough to base a decision to choose her as a mate because a "cute" face does not last forever, whereas certain qualities like kindness, intelligence, creativity, warmth, etc. are permanent qualities. If we live long enough, all of us are going to get old and ugly. Pretty sensible thinking. Right?  But just try getting a typical AA man to accept that type of common sense.

So what you're describing here is exactly the thinking and behavior of DBRbm and thank you for that because now you should be able to better understand what I've been talking about and about why some bw are not interested in any of you who think the way you do. Yes, white people may consider a mixed person to be cute, but it is not a standard practice (as it is among DBRbm) to sift through and discard wonderful ww as he looks for the ‘mixed chick.’ 

 This is all the more ironic when I hear embittered AA men vent about how a ‘foine’ bw didn’t want them for some reason. Well, heck, these bm don’t usually want a typical bw who looks like his own sister or mother, either! For example, I had a lot of respect for the bm actor, Yaphet Kotto, until I heard him actually COMPLAIN that when he was younger and before he became famous, none of the light-skinned bw wanted to date him. This guy (of Cameroonian descent) is very dark-skinned and has the broad typical facial features of some West African men. So, the first thing that jumped into my mind was, did he want to date bw who looked like his sister? [You can just figure out the types of women he married when he became famous: a German, a Filipina, and another woman.  What do you want to bet that his 3rd wife was NOT dark-skinned.  I'll bet he didn't have a hands-off policy towards 'sexing' dark-skinned women though. LOL!]

 Yellamon87:

 Just as the typical white man views the typical white woman as most attractive, the true looks advantage goes to black women who are mixed whether they are mixed with white, Indian, Asian, or Hispanic. But this doesn't mean that black men don't appreciate black women who are not mixed or are less mixed.

 Evia:

 Again, thanks for proving my point for me. J You’ve just admitted that AA men discriminate against the bulk of AA women because the bulk of AA women do not have that ‘looks advantage.” The bulk of us do not appear mixed with white, Indian, Asian or Hispanic. So, bw are NOT having that mass hallucination, after all.

Yellamon87:

 Heck, the people I know who generally state how “pretty” mixed people are are white.

Evia:

 You’re running and dodging all over the place now. It’s not relevant whether that’s true because white men don't (make it a practice to) reject the pure ww in favor of the ‘mixed chick.’

 Yellamon87:

 Okay, so you’re right. Black men are not marrying white women for their physical beauty. They are doing it for white women's attitudes and dispositions and maybe some perception of having a white wife as a status symbol.

 Evia:

SMH. Yet, many "brothas" are out there screaming about how fat and unattractive bw are. Even if ww were just as overweight and started wearing "weaves" and some do, bm still will reject more beautiful and slimmer bw in favor of those ww.

  In other words, to a typical DBRbm, as long as a ww has white skin and seems to have a mild manner, she is a typical bm’s dream woman. I hope lots of ww are reading this.

But the absolute gem that’s come from our discussion and has made all of this worthwhile to the max is that a bm like you (who obviously thinks the same as a large slice of AA men) is stating clearly that bw are not lacking in the beauty department. Hallelujah! I want millions of bw to read just that and drink it in because many of them are convinced that y’all step on them on the way to a white woman simply due to the ww’s looks.

 There are plenty of mild-mannered, loveable AA women with sweet dispositions who want to get married, but they don’t look “mixed.” And you know what? As more bw begin mating with quality men who appreciate them and treat them right, those so-called “bad attitudes” are going to drop by the wayside. Little black baby girls are not born with bad attitudes. Those attitudes are acquired as a result of an environment that constantly devalues them, just as you did here when you tried to paint the whole group of bw as having bad attitudes and negative dispositions and rating bw as less desirable than ww.

 I’m happy my husband wasn’t looking for a “mixed chick,” and he certainly doesn’t think I have a bad attitude or negative disposition just because I’m black, but I guarantee you that if I spent any time around you or men like you, I’d develop a hardcore, nasty attitude because they’d devalue me and other typical looking bw like me, just as you’ve done here. Bw fight back verbally because that’s usually all they have to keep their spirits from being crushed totally. Treat us right, and no man can find a more loving, supportive, nurturing woman than a typical AA woman. My husband and many other wm, and other men‒including those bm who are not damaged beyond repair‒with black wives can vouch for that.

   I’ve experienced and heard of some bm who become very interested in bw only after they see bw with a wm. That’s mimicking wm. And we’ve heard from bw in certain public social venues who say that bm will “trample them to get to a blond or any ww.” This is a prime example of bm mimicking wm. They want what they “think” wm want. Some of these bm will say bw weren't interested in any of them, when in actuality, a bm who may have been suitable and compatible for a typical IR-dating bw didn't want her, until he saw her with a wm. Meanwhile, he overlooked the bw to get a ww because as you say, the bm is seeking status and any ww will get him that status when he is with her. 

 Don’t get me wrong. As I’ve said before, none of this is directed at any non-bw. I’ve always campaigned on my blog for bw not to show animosity toward ww or any non-bw who have bm partners. No bw with any self-esteem and common sense should want an insecure, self-hating man like that to father her children anyway because he will pass on that damaged mindset to his children. He usually lacks pride in his heritage and/or the appearance of his black female ancestors. It would just be awful for his daughter by a ww if the child turned out dark-skinned, with non-Euro features, or if she looked clearly nonwhite.

 AA women really have to just ignore y’all as you continue to hunt, peck, and magnify all the things that are supposedly “wrong” about AA women in order to keep people fooled about the real reasons behind this stampede of upwardly mobile or better-positioned bm towards non-bw. You bm simply want to be wm.

 Oh yeah, about the "disposition” thing. Because so many AA men have had damaged role models or none at all, you desperately need to talk a lot more with real men from other groups. Many men from other groups would point out that there are many women in their group who have vile dispositions and these women are not rejected by and large by their men in favor of out-group women. Men of other groups don’t wholesale reject their women for ANY reasons.

 Anyway, this is why I urge bw not to support or defend bm who think like you in any way. Bm with your mindset should get their support and defense from elsewhere. Or else, you’re on your own.

Yellamon87:

 The notion of being damaged due to your preference in women is ignorant. The most destructive black men out there (criminals, gang leaders, drug pushers, thugs, etc.) practically always date black women. Do you consider them not damaged? You consider Frederick Douglas to be damaged?

[Reader, please note the way this guy tried to misdirect this argument. NO, a man is not likely damaged just because of his preference in women, but considering the history of racism in this country, when a black man exclusively discriminates against darker more West African appearing women on the basis of her dark skin shade and other specific  West African phenotypical racial traits, he IS badly damaged. This bm is RACIALLY discriminating.]

 Evia:

I’m not pushing criminals and low-lifes out the DBR category; I’m just adding your ilk to it.

 Yellamon87:

 What you should do is address black women's greater tendency to love bad boys.

 Evia:

 I agree with you here, but bm like you are also ‘bad’ boys because you’re quite damaged and therefore ‘unsuitable’ as mate material. I think that too many bw are way too softhearted and loyal to bm, and get no reciprocity. Left up to me, a very large chunk of y’all—from professional AA men on down to the gangbangers—would be on the Untouchables list just as y’all put a lot of bw on your Untouchables list, except for sex and other favors. Some bw tend to love all of y'all, no matter how much y'all use, abuse, and abandon them and your children. The so-called 'bad boys' are NOT the only ones who use and abuse bw and abandon black children. Bw don't discriminate nearly enough among y'all, so I think we really need to take a few pages from the book of the DBRs in that area.

 Yellowman87:

 Black men were forbidden from being with white women for hundreds of years.

 Evia:

 Stop trying to beg me to understand your damaged mind! Keep in mind that openly loving wm-bw relationships were also forbidden to black women during these ugly times of U.S. history, so why is it that bw don't see open relationships with wm as getting that 'forbidden fruit?' Or getting status?

 Yellamon87:

 But intimate contact wasn't forbidden and for a few hundred years, white male/black female intimate contact thrived while black male/white female intimate contact was basically non-existent.

 Evia:

 So you're saying this is ALL about sex. You've reduced bm to a copulating lower animals in heat here. But even lower animals have the 'back' of those others of them who’ve had their back. Graphically speaking, "there's nothing to a f$ck but a c$me." What you're essentially saying is that bm are willing to trample and abandon bw and black children just because y'all wanna sex a ww or nonblack woman. Well, any two animals can get together and f%ck! The End.

 

Note to Black Women:

 Doesn't this 'Yellamon87' character sound familiar? LOL!

Anyway, I engaged in this discussion with this guy because some of y’all have gotten angry at me for not allowing bm to comment on my blog anymore or for not wasting my time discussing this issue with bm. So I did this because I wanted y’all to see just what’s on their minds, to hopefully pull the blinders off some of you!

 This is just why I've tried to get bw to understand that a huge portion of bm are damaged beyond repair (DBR) and one of these days, most bw will realize that they've lost nothing when they see that these males left home and didn't "come back home." Y'all need to tear down the steps so that he can't ever get back in the house! It's at this point that most bw should realize that non-black women really did/are doing them a favor.

 I knew how this discussion was going to end because it always ends the same way. These bm want bw to “understand” why it’s okay for them to trample on your emotions, spirits, and bodies if it will help them to end up sexing a nonblack woman. And they want bw to be the “wind beneath their wings” to help, support, defend, and “understand” them while they work towards accomplishing that goal. That’s it.

 And the worst part about this now is that many AA women seemed emotionally paralyzed, seemingly unable to walk away from such men who devalue you, towards men of greater quality from all backgrounds who are willing to lift you up. Or maybe, it’s that some AA women don’t know how to walk away? Rest assured that what you don’t know, you can learn. And you must. Your children are counting on you.

Posted by Evia says : at 6/22/2007 12:02:00 PM 

Roomadoor Press: 2 Notes & VOTE FOR Paula! DEAS #5, Signup for IC and Vetting Newsletters, BOOK 3, My Weekend

"Let others whine; I Achieve and Excel!"--Eve Sharon Moore  [Please read my "Stick In" below]

This is Paula and her fiance, Michael   Read their so-Romantic love story in NOTE #2 below. Paula, no wonder you're smiling. LOL!  CONGRATS on your engagement!

Since this  adorable couple needs VOTES, I ask other BWIR and BWE bloggers to also ask your readers and commenters to CLICK and go to the site and vote for them. Or, here's the address:

www.ultimateweddingcontest.com/entries/27156

We have to SUPPORT our OWN (BWIR).  Let's roll out the vote!!!   We're just a bunch of talk IF we don't support our own. The ***supporting each other***plank is a part of the BWIR/BWE platform that I'm going to really push and I hope that you will TOO!  We want bw who are Like-minded with the beliefs of BWIR/BWE to ***know*** they will have ACTIVE support from the rest of us.  And we, ESPECIALLY must practice reciprocity with each other.  By doing that, we can create the type of community to which we all want to belong. Thank all of you who have already voted!

__________________________

Stick In:

Also, I've stuck in my personal credo above for how I've lived my adult life. No matter what's going on around me, I CHOSE to always move towards my goals. I don't care what people say or do;  I'm moving towards my goals of achieving and excelling in any area of my choice.

I've made it a point to surround myself with those who have my back, those who SHOW me they will practice reciprocity with me. If I can't have those reciprocating people around me, I don't want ANYONE around me at all.

And I've reached ALL of my major goals. But guess what? Virtually all of the same folks who were whining around me as I was moving towards my goals are still whining that "Life is not fair," or that  I was "lucky." LOL! 

I've shown that I'm willing to spend a second or a minute on helping those who CHOOSE to look at all the wonders of life, all the many positives--those who want to excel, but I dismiss whiners. They're merely a distraction, obviously on another journey. It's clear to me that some of us are on very different journeys.

For those of us who are Likeminded, at least, on this part of the journey, I'd suggest that you adopt a similar creed, if you haven't already. If you move inch by inch with this belief in mind, no other human being can stop you from reaching your goals. If you ***think*** that others are stopping you, that's a delusion. That only means that YOU have given them the power to stop you. If you stop giving them that power, then they won't have it.

Black WOMEN:  Keep focusing and moving towards achievement and excellence in all the areas of your CHOICE and the thriving people in the world WILL support you and embrace you!  I am just one example of the PROOF of that.

______________________________________________

Note #1 from S, a  bw of 74 years -Great wisdom in this note!!

I read the article [re Karyn Folan's book] in the Washington Post this morning.  Interesting.  I am a 74 year "Young" Black female and have recently started a relationship with a white man I met on the internet. We have many of the same interests and ideas about life, getting older (he is 70) and getting old gracefully.  It turns out that most of the interest has been from white men, many much younger.  At first I made excuses to friends about why I am seeing a white man but I now realize I do not have to make excuses.  It is my business, he treats me like a queen, which I think I deserve after being a widow for 13 years, and when I look at him or speak with him I do not see a white man but a man that treats me like a lady.  Interracial dating among older adults (widowed, divorced) could be another book.

________________________________

NOTE #2 from Paula--First, let me say again: CONGRATS on your ENGAGEMENT, Paula.  Either way, you and your fiance WIN!  Awww!!! Don't they look happy???   She and her guy met while working on a cruise ship. EVERYONE, please read Paula's note and SUPPORT, SUPPORT, SUPPORT THEM!

 Hello!

After reading your blog I was inspired to tell our story along with asking the community for a favor:)

My fiancé and I met about 6 years ago. We both worked on cruise ships and were sent to Germany for work. At the time I was dating someone already but it wasn't serious. I still remember the first time I met my Michael and I remember the thoughts that were swimming around in my head. We quickly learned that we both had so much in common and became friends. We continued to work on the same ship for 4 months, but after that we were split up by ship life. The road I went down was breaking up with my current boyfriend while the road he went down was obtaining a girlfriend! A few months later I was informed that I would be re-united with him once again. At that time I did not know that he was dating someone but found out immediately upon my arrival to the new ship. My first instincts were that he was not right for her (I knew her well and felt that I knew him too at that point) but instead of devising a master plan for their split I decided to sit back, have fun, and just be me! About 6 more months went by and we again went our separate ways!

Then...out of nowhere...I received a phone call from him. I was surprised to say the least. I did not know where he was, what he was doing and who he was with! But he was sweet and wanted to know how I was and I wanted to know how "she" was. The answer...broken up! I thought that this was my moment if only we were in the same state and working on the same ship but we weren't. So again I sat back, relaxed and had fun until I received the phone call that I was returning to the same ship that he was on. I immediately called him to tell him and could feel the excitement through the phone! When I arrived on the ship and saw him for the first time in months, the nervousness and butterflies were racing! To make a long story short, we did not hesitate this time, we began our lives together that day!

So where are we now…3 continents, 2 states and 3 1/2 years of dating...we are ENGAGED! I have never been more in love than I am now. He is my world and I wake up every morning enjoying my world! I love my life and especially love that he is in it! He is the most caring man I know. We reside in Chicago now where he proposed to me. Let me tell you about that most memorable moment.

 He was leaving for work (or so I was told) and gave me 2 Hallmark cards on his way out the door. One said open now and the other said open at 5pm. When I opened the first card it said "Go get ready, do your hair, put on something nice, a car will be here at 5pm to pick you up, and DON'T ask any questions"! (That was the hard part for me). At 5pm on the dot, a town car was at our door and I got in. The next card said "You are about to embark on a journey through my best memories…the driver will take you to 4 destinations and at each you must go in and ask for your next clue". First stop was Mirabel's, a German restaurant. The card reminisced about when we first met in Germany. He even remembered what I was wearing!

Second stop was a restaurant called "Machu Picchu" a Peruvian restaurant. Peru was where we took our very first vacation together as a couple. In the card, he wrote "It was there when I realized that you were not just my friend and girlfriend but much more."

Third stop was Roy's a Hawaiian restaurant. We spent most of our dating life in Hawaii working on the cruise ship. He wanted to remind me of all the fun times we had! The driver told me that my next destination was far so I should sit back and relax and that I did! We pulled up to a stop sign down by the lake and Michael opened my car door. I was surprised to see him! He grabbed my hand and walked me down to the water's edge and then got on one knee and said "Will you marry me?" It was amazing!

So why am I telling you all this. Because love can happen anywhere, anytime and with whomever! I look forward to a very long and happy marriage with him! My father once told me something that I think back on all the time…"Always have a smile on your face because, you never know who might be looking!"

Michael and I are paying for the wedding ourselves. We are blessed with fairly good jobs but are disappointed that we are not able to have everyone that we would like at our wedding, due to costs. (Girl, you know how BIG black families can be…mine is no exception). We recently entered a contest with Crate and Barrel to win the wedding of our dreams, a $100,000 wedding to be exact! The catch is we need people to vote for our profile. Voting only takes a minute…click on vote, enter your email and a password, then check your email to confirm your vote. Right now if you look in the Top 50 you will find the same people you see everyday (with a few exceptions) but there isn't a interracial couple in the Top 50 yet! Can you please help us get the vote out?!! And we may be the first interracial couple to win this thing!

Tell your friends and your friends, friends….

Here is our link:

www.ultimateweddingcontest.com/entries/27156

Thank you for your time and reading our story!

Paula

_________________________________

Just had to stick this video in here. THANKS, AF (aka S.)! After watching this, I'm sure y'all know which brand of Cream cheese to buy. LOL!

NOTE # 3 from Cindy--which has become DEAS Question # 5. Everyone, please contact me IF you're interested in this response (by putting $2.95 in the tip jar) and sign up for the e-newsletter but you, Cindy, get the first issue FREE.

Evia,

I am thinking of starting a family oriented meetup social group in Houston.  I am looking to find other like-minded black females who are married interracially for this group.  Do you have any ideas on how to get started? 

Cindy

This was my response to her:

Cindy, this is a FAB idea, and actually it's a part of the next phase for some of us likeminded bw who've chosen to marry IR and living an A-Level life. I'm in the process of constructing a newsletter that talks about this topic of  Intentional Communities (IC)  that you've raised and how bw who are likeminded or similarly minded enough and who have certain commonalities can come together to develop these supportive groups to enhance the quality of their relationships with each other, their spouses, families, and  the quality of their lives in general. 

Intentional communities are formed for networking, social, support etc. purposes. You do not have to live near a person to be in the same IC because lots of networking and support can be provided across vast distances. It does help, however, to live near others in your IC if you're joining mainly for socializing purposes.

There will be a modest fee for the monthly  IC newsletter of $2.95,  but Cindy,  YOU will get the first month for FREE since I will treat your request as DEAS question #5. If you've been reading my site, you know that those who ask the question get the answer for FREE (if I decide to print it), whereas others pay a modest fee of $2.95 for my response. You get my response for FREE because I believe that good questions are more important than answers.

Thank you for already seeing the value of the Intentional Community. As they say, "Like Minds think alike." LOL!  I will add you to the mailing list, and I'll broadcast your request on the Ezine. I'll ask them to contact me, but I'll forward their addys to you.  Please mention it to others so that they can contact me to sign up for the newsletter.

Another separate newsletter that I'll be doing is a VETTING newsletter. Keep in mind that the newsletters may be audio,  or a combo of audio and print.

To readers: If you're in the Houston area and would like to be a part of a group of interracially married bw and their families, please contact me.  Also, no matter where you are, if you're interested in my Intentional Community (IC) newsletter, please contact me (with IC in the subject line) to get on the mailing list. The fee is $2.95 for one issue per month. I will provide a discount rate for multi-month subscriptions after I hear from enough of you. Please contact me soon regarding this newsletter.

Also,  as I said above, I'm offering a VETTING newsletter with 2 issues (twice)  per month for $3.95 per month. Contact me if you want to sign up for the VETTING newsletter by putting the word "vetting" in the subject line. You can pay for both newsletters by clicking on my tip jar above (upper left sidebar).

You can get these 3 issues of BOTH (vetting AND IC) newsletters monthly for a total of $5.95. That's a total of 3 issues of these 2 different newsletters for $5.95. Subscribe today by clicking on my tip jar, or send me your name, and get on the mailing list as soon as possible. The first issue of each newsletter will be available on March 15, 2010. I will contact you if you're subscribed by that time.

Keep in mind that I EXPECT for you to support me because I'm supporting you. And I believe strongly in RECIPROCITY.

_______________________________

My BOOK 3--

I think that my  BOOK 3 (at the top of my left sidebar) is an EXCELLENT book, if I have to say so, myself! LOL!  Every teen and older bw need to read essays 7, 8, and 12 in this book. BOOK 3 is a TOTAL workout!! It'll have every movable part of your body moving because it'll stimulate you to that extent. LOL! It has the following essays in it:

1. Yes, But Why Did You Marry a White Man? (5pps)

2. Black Women, White Men, the Mystique--the Real Deal (53 pps)

3. It Pays to Question What You Hear(5 pps)

4.A White Woman's View (11 pps)

5.White Man's Family Rejects Black Wife (7 pps)

6  The Hoax Against Black Women: ONE (8 pps)

7. The Hoax Against Black Women: TWO (13 pps)

{Features my dialogue with the vile DBR character who calls himself Yellamon 87]

8. The Hoax Against Black Women: THREE (19 pps)

{The dialogue continues. After reading these 2 essays, you'll understand why I don't dialogue with DBRs (damaged beyond repair) men!}

9.  Me and Him (13 pps)

10. Fear of White Men (16 pps)

11. Colorism and Hair-'ism'--A White Man's View (9 pps)

12. Black Men, White Women--White Men, Black Women (40 pps) {Another dialogue with a notorious DBRbm character]

***Please note that you can purchase ANY of these individual essays--along  WITH the comments for $2.95, or 2 for $3.95, or 3 for $4.95, or 4 for $5.95.  I'll email you the essay(s) since I CONTROL the content of my books. (I'm the publisher.) If you want to buy more than 4 of the essays, it would be more economical to click on the book above (upper left sidebar) and buy the entire book. You can pay me for the essays by clicking my Tip Jar through PayPal at the top of the upper left sidebar and SPECIFY the names of the essays in an email to me.

Thanks to all of those who have supported the DEAS. Without support, nothing is going to last for long. Likewise, I thank those of you in advance who plan to sign up for the newsletter(s). If you have specific vetting questions, please contact me. Many other women are also interested in YOUR question and my response.

____________________________

My Weekend---

Friday:  Darren and I had plans to go into the city on Friday night to another jazz venue. It was a great group performing, but the weather was really bad, so he called me to say that it was best that we cancel those plans. YUK! I was so looking forward to that because I have a pronounced case of cabin fever. LOL! Anyway staying at home was a lot better than sliding off the slippery road, so I picked him up at the station and we stayed at home on Friday.

Saturday: Darren drove into the city because he had his last session on the interview team. He came home about 5 and said they will probably hire 2 people.

Anyway, I could have gone into the city with him, but there was nothing to do since the weather was too messy and cold.

So I stayed at home and ended up cooking dried beans for dinner. Darren LOVES for me to cook dried beans and peas. He was like a little boy when he got home, waiting for them to finish cooking. LOL!

Later in the evening, he and I discussed how I could spend more time in the city during the week. As usual, he helped me to figure out the logistics of how I could do it. This is one of the reasons that I appreciate this man! He doesn't just want me in his life to just "be there" for him; he wants me to be equally fulfilled. He shows me that my satisfaction in what I'm doing is of great importance to him. He also shows me that  he knows that a woman who feels satisfied and fulfilled is a much better mate to her man and a better mother to her children.

Sunday: We didn't go to church today. We ended up going to the movies to see "Shutter Island." We really enjoyed it. We came home and he ate beans again; I ate pasta.

Let me point out here that Darren is simply a quality man. He is willing to do what he needs to do to keep me feeling fulfilled and satisfied, and in turn, I'm willing to do the same for him. We have RECIPROCITY in our relationship. He and I both reciprocate.  I'm not interested in any relationship with a man in which there isn't enough reciprocity. With me, a man can't just do **his best** to reciprocate; he actually has to deliver.  I've been married twice. BOTH of my husbands reciprocated, but I made sure, during the vetting process, that they had the "right stuff" to  be able to reciprocate and  I knew there was an extremely high probability that they would reciprocate since they came from that type of background. As I mentioned in an essay last week or so, IF you vet properly, you can eliminate approx. 90% of the problems in a typical relationship.

Quality men are out there, and in my Vetting Newsletter, I'll be talking more about the specifics of vetting men from different backgrounds.

BFIM Gazette: Washington Post Interviews Author, Karyn Langhorne Folan & A Note from Soledad O'Brien

Karyn Langhorne Folan and husband, Kevin Folan

There is a Top News-Must Read ARTICLE in the Washington Post this morning (February 25, 2010) featuring author, Karyn Langhorne Folan  (left) who wrote the book: "Don't Bring Home A White Boy and Other Notions that Keep Black Women From Dating Out" (My left-hand sidebar).

Karyn thoroughly covers the topic of the various sabotaging notions that prevent many black women from being receptive to even the idea of dating white men. PLEASE:

1. Read this Washington Post interview,

2. Buy Karyn's book (click on it in my sidebar), and

3. CIRCULATE, CIRCULATE, CIRCULATE this info to as many other bw and even preteen black girls as you possibly can. Don't wait for those cute little black girls you see every day to become the next generation of negative statistics.

Give them a fighting chance by at least exposing them to the knowledge about ALL of their dating and mating options. Remember that as more bw know more about ALL of their choices in all realms of life, they will make better choices. It's not enough to simply talk about this issue. You've got to SHOW your SUPPORT, SUPPORT, SUPPORT by your actions.

__________________________________

And here's a note from a Soledad Obrien Producer.  Please help her if you can.  If you can't help, please refer this note to someone else. Don't wait until some other combo is chosen and then say that the Bw-Wm relationship combo was overlooked.  Also, white men readers, please help out!

Hello,

 I work with Soledad OBrien on her Black in America Documentaries at CNN.  We are doing another BIA documentary on black faith in July and I’m looking for a interracial couple who might be willing to share their marriage plans with us (Story would focus around faith choices – will they attend a ‘black’ church or a ‘white’ church or an interracial church?  In which church will they marry? How do their families feel with the choice, etc).  If you have any thoughts on how I could outreach to interracial couples who might be willing to share their stories with us, let me know.

 Thanks,

Michelle

 Michelle Rozsa| CNN In America: Sr. Producer | michelle.rozsa@turner.com | 

Roomadoor Press: Chapter 2-Page 2: My Weekend, DEAS Question #4 from N

 Keke Palmer & S.O.

Thanks for the pic, AF, who said, "Please post this pic [she copied pic from a black celebrity site] if you will. It's so funny how they mentioned how nice KeKe looked. But when the next picture showed her date - it was all crickets. . . . It's HILARIOUSLY OBVIOUS to ME!!!!!

_______________

NOTE: I decided I'd call this part of my blogging odyssey: Chapter  2.  You never know when you start an open-ended project where it may lead. I allowed the Chapter 1 episode of my blogging journey to actually lead me and it was a great adventure as I followed it.

But here I am again. I won't be nearly as flexible in Chapter 2 as I was the first time around. I'll do a lot of steering, but I won't be totally rigid either because all of my chapters or rooms are in the same house. There will be common points sometimes because I believe that everything in the universe is connected.

_______________

Keke talks about her Valentine's Night Plans-- Thanks, Felicia!

Keke Palmer with S.O.

 Entry:

 I went into the city on Friday with Darren for some fun and frolicking. He had to be there on Saturday because he was on the interview team on Saturday at his job. They're hiring a few folks, Yeh! for those folks, I guess. But for the kind of credentials and experience they're asking for, whoever gets the jobs will be paid peanuts!

He loves his job, his work and he told me that he'll do it until he's at least 93-- LOL!--or until they carry him out, whichever comes first. I like the fact that my husband loves his job because that means that he's not stressed about his work. Well, every job has  a certain amount of stress involved, but his enjoyment in his work way more than compensates for the stress.

So he doesn't plan to retire from the world of work early as some folks have done, as I have done.  I prefer to call what I did "transitioning," --LOL!--because I still work everyday. I'm now just mainly doing what I choose and what I enjoy, and with virtually no stress. That's the best part.

We could travel a lot more than we do because he does get plenty of time away from work since he can do some of his work wherever he is. But I don't necessarily like to just visit places for a few days. I like to stay for weeks or maybe even a month or more and right now, that can cause a conflict . So, instead, we take short getaways to interesting places. I look forward to getting out of the country each summer for a few weeks, which I'm trying to stretch into a month or more. LOL!

When I left my professional job, I looked forward to having plenty of time to contemplate life. And  out here on the farm is an ideal place for that. It's so peaceful and quiet. For ex., I haven't seen anyone all day long and I've heard absolutely no noise aside from the wind blowing the tree branches. Think I'll go to the gym and grab a late lunch.

So "contemplating life" was my plan.  But I then stepped into blogging, and WOW! Well, you know the rest of that part of Chapter 1. But now, I'm back on the track that I wanted to pursue when I began blogging before.

But I've digressed. I want to talk about Friday night, Saturday and one little irksome experience yesterday at church.

Friday Night:   We went to this great Jazz venue, but by the time we got there, the place was already swarming with folks. There were no seats left, so we had to stand up, holding our coats.  We were, however, near enough to the stage to see the musicians from the side and then we moved around to their front to see them better. The music was great!! I don't like all kinds of jazz, but this group was FAB. So, we stood there kinda  bopping to the music. It was a very upscale type of place where you have to bop in an upscale way. LOL!  So everyone was kinda sorta moving their heads and shoulders in an understated way to the music.

However, I knew that Darren would find us GOOD seats. He always does--no matter how late we get to a place and no matter how crowded it is. LOL!  Friday night was no exception.  I don't know how he did it, but he spotted something and said, "Let's go" and zoomed away fast.  I was like, "Huh?" I looked ahead to see where he was going and I saw him talking to a woman near the stage. Then he looked toward me and beckoned me to come.  Pretty soon, we had the best seats in the house. Since it was a slightly raised floor-level stage, we were sitting close enough to see the hairs on the saxophonist's fingers!

From that point onward, it was as if we were being personally serenaded because when the performers saw how we were grooving to the music,one of the guitarists came a few times to stand near our table and looked at us as he played. It was so much fun. It was like being a college student again and going to one of those wild concerts with my girlfriends and acting crazy.

So Darren ordered a  light meal because he hadn't gotten a chance to eat earlier. It's the kind of place that serves a lil bit of "artsy" food on large plates on white table-cloth covered tables, where the food has to have enough space around it to look stylish on the plate. LOL! I ordered a beer and nibbled from his plate. We had planned on going out for a full  dinner at our favorite restaurant later, so that was enough.  We stayed until the very last note of the very last song, so by the time it was all over,  it was so late until we were too tired to walk across town to the restaurant. We regretted that we had parked the car in his workplace's parking garage and had walked to the venue. So we slowly walked home and raided the refrigerator at our apartment.

Saturday:  One of the things I really liked about Darren from the start of our relationship is that if I said "Let's," he'd say "GO."  I loved the fact that he's not the type of man who likes to sit around like a couch potato. We're both active at home also. Likewise, when we're away from home, we're super active. Anyway, while in the city this weekend, we planned to check out a new ethnic restaurant after he finished with the interviews. So while he was at work, I went to a used book store, strolled around for hours doing window shopping mostly, then stopped in a coffee shop and lingered over a cappuccino. I had brought my mini-laptop along, so I flipped it open and checked emails and such, just dawdling. Then, I went back to the apartment. He came in minutes later and I could see he'd been wiped out by the interviews, so we decided to put the new restaurant on hold and check it out this coming weekend. We'll also check out another entertainment venue that we heard about. Anyway, we got on the expressway and drove home.

Sunday: We went to church. As usual, Darren put his arm along the top of the pew seat near my shoulders as we sat in the pew. He's an affectionate man, and as to be expected, he likes being near me, and I, him. Anyway, his affectionate behavior towards me was even discussed in a positive way by the church's women's group last year,  and a few of the women in the group said they wished some of the men at the church would take a page from Darren's book and be more affectionate towards their wives or the women these men are shacking up with or their baby mamas. The men very rarely show the women any public affection and the women in the group said they would love that. I mean, there is no hand-holding or anything like that, whereas Darren holds my hand as we walk down the sidewalk towards the church entrance and this gets even more attention because he's a wm and I'm a bw. The fact is that even when we walk around here on the grounds at the farm, Darren holds my hand.  He holds my hand in private and in public. He's done this from the very beginning of our relationship because he's a romantic man.  This is the nature and behavior of a romantic man. I'm so used to this now until I don't even think about it anymore.

However, it  apparently does get noticed. I see others giving me the side eye sometimes, but I'm not going to EVER tell my husband not to express public affection towards me. Knowing Darren, he wouldn't listen to me anyway. LOL!  And that's another thing I LOVE about him; he's a strong-minded man and to me, that's where strength is the most CRITICALLY important in a man--IN HIS MIND. That's a major turn-on for me. I totally adore a strong-minded man who can stand up to other men MENTALLY. Physical muscles are nothing for a man to have in the world today unless he's is going to compete in the Olympics or in a boxing ring because the most important aspects or challenges in life are faced and dealt with on the mental front in everyday life.

Anyway, yesterday at a certain point in the service, the minister asked everyone to get up and hug others. So we all got up and Darren and I must have hugged about 10 other people each before we sat down. In total, we must have hugged about 20 others. Pretty soon, the minister, who was hugging others also, came over to us and Darren stood up to hug him and sat down again afterwards. But as I stood up to hug the minister, he said directly to me in a chastising tone, "Instead of you sitting here all hugged up with him, you need to get up and hug other folks." I, of course, quickly told him we'd both hugged a whole bunch of others and that he apparently hadn't been looking.

But this did irk me! I wondered whether he'd chastised others in this way, and it's all the more interesting that he was commenting about my HUSBAND being affectionate towards me by merely putting his arm on the pew along the top of my shoulders. Of all of the things that go on in that church, that ought to hog the minister's attention, why is he noticing my husband's affection towards me???? What's wrong with that? 

We are MARRIED!!!  It's not our fault that NONE of those other men in the church display public affection towards their wives, girlfriends, and babymamas the way Darren does.  And let me repeat that the women very definitely want that affection.  It's not our fault that most of those men are NOT married to those women or don't behave like good family men. Most of the men connected with those women don't even come to church in the first place, and the few who are there are apparently not the romantic, affectionate type, or at least not in public. SMH

Anyway, that was my weekend, for the most part. My life never ceases to be verrrrry interesting. LOL!

____________________________________

Here is DEAS Question: #4 from N

Dear Evia,

 I was wondering if you could shed some light on how to deal with a sudden break up. I  know your blog  supports long distance dating.

I was seeing a guy from North Carolina. We met online. I live in Denver. We started talking on the phone in  October. We would talk every night for a least an hour at a time.

 Well, we had our first "real" date in November when I went down to Virginia to see my family. When I came home from that trip, we talked on the phone still every night. I went down to see him again in December. We had a wonderful time and talked a lot about our futures. We talked about me moving down  to North Carolina to be closer to each other.

Then in the second week of January, things started changing. He stopped calling me. Then one day he said he was confused. I was shocked to say the least! I was so surprised how could this happen? I wonder what made him change over night? I have decided to give him "space". Do you think long distance relationships can work? Would you suggest that we should go after them? I also wanted  to know if you had any advice on how to get over a sudden break up?

Thank you so much,
N

_______________________________

I've already sent N the response to this DEAS question. If you would like to receive the response, please scroll down a few posts and read about this advice system and about how you can get this response and others.

Roomadoor Press: Specializing in the Q-U-A-L-I-T-Y & A-Level Side of Life LOL!

(Left) Nikki Micheaux, (actress) the mother on the series "Lincoln Heights," with Husband  and Daughter. This couple also has a son.t

Entry

Valentine's Day and night were a sublime experience for me and reinforced the strong desire in me to go through a quite new doorway with my writing, with the blog and with some of my activities online and offline. I've been doing some of that for a while and I've been mentioning here for a while that I will do more of that. 

I and many other bw have been BLESSED with tremendous wealth! I don't want to downgrade that blessing by continuing to focus on what AA women don't have. Bw have a LOT; they're just not focusing on their wealth and some are too cowardly to focus on it and use it. With others, it will take time.

Courage is not the absence of fear; it means to go ahead and do things even when you're afraid. Courage is acquired by practicing it bit by bit. No one can give another person courage. Each bw has to work towards getting it on her own. Support from others can be super helpful, as always.

I make it a point to cautiously do things even when I'm afraid and I've been afraid a lot in my life. I just have a thing about fear though. I cannot allow fear to rule my life, and especially when I'm trying to do something good for me and mine. That's just me.

Many bw have been taught to look away from their wealth, not develop it, taught that it's selfish to keep it if they do develop it, taught not use it to benefit themselves, etc. Still, bw and their daughters DO have the wealth.  This type of wealth is not like oil or land. This type of wealth is an asset that is an intrinsic part of a person. It cannot be taken or not taken easily.  For ex., talent, intelligence, skill, DNA inheritance of valuable physical and mental traits are forms of wealth.

That's the best part; it's not easy to get it from a person unless the person gives it up easily. In order for someone to get it from you, you mostly have to  cooperate to give it away. That too is a choice.

As I've said before and said to the point of sheer exhaustion: if a bw doesn't have the life she wants, it's mainly and mostly because she's made a CHOICE to ALLOW other folks' and their opinions to control her wealth and force her to make poor choices with it, when she could have CHOSEN to use her wealth to acquire a Living Well life. And practically at any age and station in life, you can dare to have the life you want IF you strongly desire it and move towards it, inch by inch, if necessary. That's not just a cutesy saying. You can actually do it if you remain focused and determined.

Let me just give some of you a last bit of advise  (waving at y'all) before I enter my new doorway :  When you get truly tired of letting other peoples' opinions rule your life or waiting for their permission to live the life you want, and get tired of being terrified of other powerless, conquered and defeatist-minded people, we will all know it because you will minimize  or blot out the noise in your head that these others are making and go on to claim the life that's waiting for you around the corner, across town, in another state, on another level, or somewhere else in the global village. You won't find reasons why you can't do something. You'll realize that you can use that same energy planning how you're going to do it.

Back to my new doorway, I'm still in the same house--just entering a new room, y'all. LOL! I will continue to publish my essays in the books, post pics of BWIR couples, links, (if others continue to send them) and offer specific advise through the DEAS system (see the description below) because that helps specific women who need specific, timely advice. I thank those of you who help to support that system.

In line with the my new doorway, this essay is about me and Darren. From now on, you'll be reading hot off the press tidbits about us AND other appropriate material for this room. Thus the hokey name Roomadoor Press. LOL!

More and more lately, I've just wanted to talk about some of the things that are going on in MY LIFE or with me and Darren, my partner in this "interracial" marriage. From the outside, our partnership is viewed as "interracial" whereas on the inside, we just view each other as INDIVIDUALS who we happen to appreciate and adore. He is just a terrific, loving, and lovable Q-u-a-l-i-t-y partner to me, and he grows dearer to me everyday or the more I get to know him. But don't think we don't butt heads sometimes. We had one of those head-butting episodes the other night when we got into a shouting match about John Edwards, the NC senator who is a baby-daddy. Well, there we were exchanging barbs and pretty soon, we were shouting at each other. Each of us was making profound points, of course, (LOL!) and then he said it. He actually said it.  He yelled, "I don't care about your opinion! You're just wrong!" Well, I told him I didn't give a blip about his opinion either, and that I can play the rude game too. So he apologized, hugged me, and made a wisecrack about something silly; we both laughed and that was that. Pretty soon, we were yapping about something else. That's usually how our tiffs or arguments are handled because they're never serious anymore. We've already covered all of the serious stuff.  Nowadays, we talk; we disagree, we yell (because he gets very emotional and always starts the yelling), but we usually end up joking about something and there are no hard feelings. There's a lot of humor, silliness, and fun in our relationship now.

 I'm often reminded of what a special guy he is when I'm with him, and last night at our Valentine's night dinner, he overwhelmed me with things he said and did. Mushy, huh? I almost started blubbering at the dinner table because Darren was being 'so Darren.' LOL! Few other people see this side of him.  While we were eating dinner and while my adorable husband was being himself, it was running on another track in my brain that for some reason, I've been able to acquire a code  of sorts for having an A-Level life.

I've thought of this many times in my life.

See, I was married before to a Q-u-a-l-i-t-y Nigerian man. And I just want to give you an example of the impact that a well-vetted person can have on your life--now and later. Mind you, I've always put a lot of emphasis on vetting, and I vetted my first husband in my very early twenties. The overarching lesson I'd like for y'all to pull from this next blurb about him is: the importance of careful vetting, choosing and marrying a quality man.

My ex-husband is a man with great drive, and a highly educated, wise man with MUCH common sense.  He is the typical Alpha type man in terms of his personality, his drive and his impact on other people. He has a doctorate degree from an Ivy League university, and he's been quite successful in this country.

Years ago during our marriage, he specifically put my name as co-owner on some investments that he'd purchased. I was his wife, but he didn't have to list me as the co-owner. He didn't have to list me at all or he could have listed anyone on this particular investment. He could have hidden this investment and I would never have known about it. Time passed, things happened in the marriage, and we parted as husband and wife, but we've remained friends. When we divorced, I didn't ask him for any money because he'd always taken good care of me throughout the marriage, and I'd worked as a professional woman, so I was already doing fine. I remarried. So did he, to a woman who I think is better for him than I was because she too is a Nigerian. They have a business and residences on both continents. She, of course, completely understands his culture.

Anyway, he told me about 5 years ago (years after our divorce) that he still wanted me to have those investments that he'd purchased! I was flabberghasted! I asked him whether he was sure about that. He explained that those were mine because he'd bought them with me in mind, so he wanted me to be the exclusive owner of them. That just blew me away. He said he'd send me the paperwork involved in doing the transfer since we'd both remarried and it would be best if we made the change legally, to avoid any dispute.  I felt overwhelmed and thanked him, but when I received the papers, I put the forms in a box under the dresser in the guest room. I honestly didn't know what to do. There really was quite a chunk of money involved and I realized I was silly not to jump at it, but I was paralyzed.

I didn't touch the papers for over 4 years. Every time I talked with him, he reminded me to go ahead and get it done. I think now I was hoping he'd change his mind and say he wanted to keep the money for himself. I think I was hoping his new wife would grab and claim the investments. I think I wanted him to be sure as to whether he really wanted to give that amount of money to me. Finally, last November, I had the papers processed.

See, he's a man of integrity. What an INDIVIDUAL human being! But I knew that on a certain level before I married him. He's a wonderful specimen of a human being, across the board and I've found that Darren is also another wonderful specimen of human being. These guys are high Q-u-a-l-i-t-y INDIVIDUAL human beings, first and foremost.

So, I KNEW before I married either of these men that there were plenty of Q-U-A-L-I-T-Y men out there who'd appreciate a regular bw like me.  AND there are more where they came from. There is nothing special about me. I found two of these guys in a relatively short amount of time because I allowed myself to find them and I allowed them to find me. Those were CHOICES. When people accuse me of hyping interracial and intercultural marriage and say that bw can't find those types of men OR that those men don't want an AA woman like me and yadda-yadda, I just chuckle.  I believe that if I could find or be found by them twice, I believe that you can find or be found by them now.

In addition to many bw being scared to death of what other blacks will say about them, the main reason why many bw are not finding those men is due to the way these women unfortunately THINK. I know, I've been saying that like forever! LOL!

I see men as being human beings FIRST and as INDIVIDUAL human beings. I don't view or evaluate men superficially (based on stupid stuff like swagger, skin shade, clothing, hair or no hair, etc.) and on the romantic front, I don't evaluate them as black, white, or whatever because those are superficial, political LABELS. Why would I choke off some possibly wonderful men due to somebody else's politics?  I've always given a man a chance to be his INDIVIDUAL best towards me, as I try to be my INDIVIDUAL best with him. I realize that some men are racists, color-struck, sexists, DBRs, etc. BUT there are many other men out there of Q-U-AL-I-T-Y, who no one would be able to successfully attach such labels too,  and I've make it a point to "specialize" in quality men ONLY, which I've advised you to do countless times because when a quality man loves a woman, he will do his best to be the wind beneath her wings. Both of my husbands made it clear to me that it would give them great pleasure to be the wind beneath my wings. And Darren shows me that he means that every day.

The fact is that I'm an AA woman who's living a superb life. I have a wonderful q-u-a-l-i-t-y man for a husband who happens to be a white man. Sorry to disappoint some of y'all who think that ALL AA women are suffering or are supposed to suffer. Nope, not me.

My sisterfriend tells me often that I MUST share my life, my knowledge with other AA women who don't have the "code," so that they can catch a clue. She and I actually have our little arguments about that. She's a wise woman, who comes from another slice of life. She said that if she'd had my code early in her life, she would never have made many of the mistakes she made. I don't mind sharing the "code," and I've done that for years here. And my books are always available to anyone really interested, and my books will contain the complete code, stated in all kinds of ways. 

Lately though, I've pointed out to her that I'm tired of rehashing the code.  I prefer to take a more middle road and just be around other folks who are Like Minded or no one at all. I have plenty of people who I can yak with and mingle with, but what's really hard is meeting people who have the vision, drive, and  are in the position to go beyond "what is" to what "could be." Most people are stuck in "what is" and aren't able or have no desire or lack the vision to go beyond that.

However, my sisterfriend, a devout woman, says that's cheating other black women who might benefit from the code if I continue to share it. LOL! She feels I should just keep telling other bw what to do, even if their fangs come out--even if they  spit, bite and claw at me. LOL! She feels I should just fight back and keep sharing the "code" and stuff it down their throats, if necessary, because she believes I've been given the code in order to share it.  And so far, I haven't been able to convince her to back off. She and I will continue to have our little tiffs about that because, as I pointed out to her, maybe we're not all supposed to have the same "code." 

Anyway, back to dinner last night.

So Wow!  I sat  there misty-eyed and feeling overwhelmed at times during our Valentine's Day dinner. But, let me back up here. Darren and I had a lovely yesterday morning lounging and exchanging gifts. Mid afternoon, we had another rendezvous where I gave him a trim and we watched the Olympics on TV.

And then, evening came. He'd made reservations for 8:45 at a Zagat-rated restaurant that was serving a 7-course Valentine's dinner.  So, I dressed up a bit and he did too. He looked very handsome with his new shave and in his yellow sweater (one of his favorite gifts from me). BTW, let me mention that Darren is quite an appealing man, to me. Some women wouldn't be interested in him, just like I wouldn't be interested in their guy, but he's just my type. He's slim and dark, a few inches taller than me, with a wiry muscularity.  He has collar length dark (mixed with some gray now) hair and he has a lot of it, which he wears like a musician/artist. He apparently inherited most of the hair in the family. LOL! He's very intellectual, scientifically-bent, technically savvy, artistic, brainy, intensely romantic (LOL!), and IMO, a very EFFECTIVE man. I haven't discovered anything within the normal range, that he cannot do and do it WELL. I think it's partly due to his rural upbringing. Apparently, the men in his family were expected by their Dad and other men in the community to be self-reliant and to find a way to get things done. So, he's very resourceful. I grew up in a very similar way, only in a different part of the country. So, that's just one of the things we have in common--getting thing done. Both of us also have a lot of respect for the land/soil, nature, animals, etc. We love naturalness and there are a host of qualities and traits or VALUES that go along with that mindset that we both share.

So, as I said, I was going to talk about my personal views on relationships in this new room, and this essay is going to be the entrance to the room where I return to what I'd wanted my blog/site to be about initially. When I started blogging, I began talking about my interracial marriage because that's the type I was and am in. I know quite a lot about interracial marriage and also intercultural relationships and marriage dynamics from lots of experiences,  observations, living this life, readings, listening and because I have a degree and a lifelong interest in ethnology (comparative cultures). I'd written about my experiences married to an African man, so I likewise wanted to write about my current marriage.

This just happens to be MY life that I began writing about in this blog. It was at that juncture that others took a great interest in my life  for some reason, and began writing to me, and some of the women made it plain that they wanted to meet with and mate with men of quality of the type who became my partners.

So that's a bit of the history of this site. We're now however in the present. As I mentioned to my sisterfriend, I would like to communicate with Like Minded others who are either experiencing or are aware, as I am, that there's a life of Q-U-A-L-I-T-Y to be lived beyond the current insanity of the media and mainstream American life, which seems often to just be about 98% superficiality and impoverishment of the human spirit and potential.

I realize that this transition is a bit raggedy, but I've talked about it for some time now.  Even the posting of some of the pics I post here has become sheer entertainment for some of my readers because we've PROVEN that lots of wm and other non-bm are interested in love and marriage with bw and are marrying or are married to a wide cross-section of women of obvious African descent, which was my reason for posting the pics. That's been proven and I will continue to post any pics I post, for that reason  along with their newworthiness-not for entertainment value.

If that makes any sense at all to you, I'm leaving the comments section open to hear from you. There are enough places on the internet now for all of us to find a place where we can hang out with Like Minded others. So, let's see what happens. But one thing I'm not going to allow to happen is for ANYONE to bring contents that belong in that other room into this room. If there are like-minded others who care to comment, then I'd love to hear from you. If in doubt as to what to say, it's probably not something appropriate for this room.  LOL! So, you might want to check out one of the sites in my left sidebar.

So let's see what will happen. If no one wants to comment, that's not a problem. As Darren sometimes says, I don't need another person to have a conversation. LOL! Either way, I will still have succeeded in going into that other room.

Remember: For specific advice, I WILL post your note, but will respond to it privately as I've been doing. (See DEAS System described in one of the posts below.)

BFIM Gazette:Happy Valentine's Day!!-Images of Lovers and Love

I know that Darren is planning some sort of surprise for me for Valentine's Day. I can tell by the way he's going out and coming back in--repeatedly. He's usually a very active man, but there's a difference in his activity pattern since yesterday, so something is up. LOL! I'll have to get out this afternoon and get him some of his sinfully rich chocolates because he's a chocoholic. He doesn't keep any weight on though because he's super-active.

Since my pic file is over-stuffed, my Valentine's offering to you is Images of  Lovers and Love--Thank you to Felicia, EL,  PVW,&  CB who sent me these pics, links, and stories of these lovers.

Pic#1--LOL!   Valerie and Archie

And I got this note from EL who sent this pic.

There is a bit of buzz in the comic world about an issue of Archie that's coming out in a few months. On the cover, Archie is seen kissing a black girl named Valerie Brown, who is also in Josie and the Pussycats. I think this is pretty cool and will probably pick up a copy myself. Just ran across this and thought you'd might want to share with your readers.--A big fan, EL

Yep! Comic book readers and fans of Archie, make sure you add this one to your collection. And this type of comic book is right at the checkout counter in stores like Walmart. So, lot of young guys of all groups will see it, and it will imprint on their brain. This image will help a lot to spread Pearl, Jr's message or the title of her book: "Black Women Need Love Too." Well, DUH!

I used to LOVE reading comic books when I was a girl. I had to sneak to read them, since my family didn't approve. But I was a resourceful child. I always found a way to read what I wanted to read. I even read "Lady Chatterley's Lover" when I was around 8 or 9. OMG, if my family had found out!!!! Whew!

Pic #2--Judith and Robert Hosang

 

A Bit of Paris in a Brooklyn Bedroom

Judith and Robert HoSang had made a series of attempts to fix up the bedroom in their Ditmas Park, Brooklyn, home. None were too successful, and the HoSangs grew frustrated. The New York Times asked John Loecke (pronounced “lucky") and Jason Oliver Nixon, a couple who run the John Loecke Inc. design firm in Brooklyn, to redecorate the space, in which Ms. HoSang wanted to create the feel of a Parisian apartment. They had $1,500 to spend.

Thanks, Felicia!

ARTICLE about this couple's experience in creating the perfect nest.

Pic #3--Alishan and Mike-- Married June 14, 2008

Hey y’all! I’m Alishan and on June 14th, 2008 I had the joy of marrying the coolest kid I know, Michael. Why should you care about that...I hope you care but not because I married Mike, but because I took 20 months to plan what I believe was the perfect wedding from Atlanta, GA.  I will be sharing with you all that I learned throughout the process, the good, bad, ugly and downright humorous, at least to Team Alishan. That is what I dubbed those that assisted me on my journey to the big day. It’s a pretty elite team J. But before I go there, let me fill you in on the story of Mike + Alishan. It’s a good one if I do say so myself.
 
While both of us grew up in Grand Rapids, Mike and I met when working at a restaurant together back in the Spring of 2003. He was a cook (and still does most of the cooking) and I was a waitress. It was love over pasta. He is a school teacher and wanted to experience life outside of Grand Rapids, so he got a job teaching in the Boogie down Bronx, in August ’03, loved it and stayed there for four years. I on the other hand was born to live in NYC and moved to Manhattan to live life in the big city and moved (note: I did not move for Mike. It was merely a coincidence) in May of 2004.  We broke up for a while and reunited while in NYC.  Living in my favorite city with the man of my dreams was a dream come true. In May 2006, I realized that we couldn’t live a truly “adult” life (with a savings account and everything!) in the city and decided to move to Atlanta, and Mike decided to follow.  On October 1st on top of Stone Mountain, he popped the question with the most beautiful ring, I jumped up and down screaming, and the planning began.

Pic#4--Kara Young (A-list Hi-Fashion model of the 1990s) and husband, Peter Georgiopoulos Greek Billionaire shipping tycoon--Thanks, CB for this one. Kara and Peter live in NYC with their two children.

 

Pic # 5--Jennifer and Dennis--An innovative husband and wife fitness trainer team who came up with a NEW concept in fitness for "making workouts sensual." LOL!

Personal trainers Jennifer Hunter, 33, and Dennis Marshall, 28, have recently settled in Colorado after several years in New York. Both graduates of colleges on the East Coast, they met at the New York Sports Club in Manhattan and fell in love "over dumbbells, crunches and push-ups." Now, in the spirit of Valentine's Day, they are sharing with other couples what their joint workouts have taught them about communication and teamwork.

This couple was on the Kelly and Regis show yesterday morning. GREAT exposure!!

Read more: http://www.denverpost.com/fitness/ci_5151922#ixzz0fRJapCvV

THANK YOU, PVW!

Black women--Most of these couples got married in the last few years since I started blogging. Yes, I want you to read my essays but don't spend much time reading. Life is to be LIVED and it's about balance--not just to be read about.

If you want to meet your Mr. Right, there are plenty of possible and interested quality Mr. Rights out there for you, but you've got to make them aware that you exist. If you're in the position where you can't meet men the way the bw above have met their Mr. Right, sign up with an interracial dating site online like the ones in my right sidebar. They specialize in INTERRACIAL DATING and have tens, if not hundreds of thousands of potentially interested men in their database. If you're open to meeting men from other races, it's smart to sign up with a site that specializes in that area - in addition to being signed up with other sites. 

Karyn Langhorne Folan (her book can be bought NOW) in the video below met her husband through an online site, and many other women, including many bw, have also. They're finding online meetings the absolute best way to meet a wide variety  and cross section of upwardly mobile and fascinating men. So stop doing the predictable. Vet, vet, vet and find your guy!  Happy Valentine's Day!!!!!

BFIM Gazette: When White Men Multi-Millionaires Marry BW, Vetting Again, Older Men

  Shelley and Bizzy Williams  THANKS, Felicia for sending the pics and links.

Shelley and Bizzy Williams got married in 2007. This is his second marriage.  

Their fleet of companies: WILLIAMS INDUSTRIES

WEBSITE of  one of this multimillionaire Barbadian Couple's companies: PLATINUM SERVICES, LTD.

Shelley is the General Manager/Director of this one.

Welcome to the world of Luxurious Living, Compliments Platinum Services Ltd.

Imagine if you will a company located in Barbados, whose main focus circles around Meet & Assist and Luxury private jet charters. Imagine a company that cares for its customers and always strive for excellence. You are envisioning Platinum Services Ltd, leaders in VIP FastTrack®, Meet & Assist, Concierge services and Luxury private jet charters in Barbados since 1999.

Platinum Services Ltd promises nothing but the highest quality effort. Looking for Protocol Meet & Assist in the Barbados? Interested in Luxury private jet charters? Feel free to give us a call, for we would appreciate an opportunity to answer any questions you may have. Platinum Services Ltd is the epitome of Luxurious living, Platinum Services exists because we understand that our clients have earned the right to be treated differently. Your status is hard earned so why shouldn't it carry certain privileges.

At Platinum Services Ltd we have accumulated a number of testimonials from satisfied clients. Moreover, we have a diverse portfolio which chronicles our previous work in VIP Meet & Assist, Concierge services and Luxury private jet charters in Barbados.  Platinum Services Ltd is the leader in its field in Barbados & St Lucia. So feel free to give us a call, whether you have a question or comment. We are at your service. 
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Another ARTICLE about more property that their company is interested in acquiring.

BTW, the above clipping is from a Black Barbadian newspaper.

(Sigh) If you're interested in reading some of the flack aka hate that multimillionaire Bizzy caught for his plans to marry Shelley prior to their marriage, go HERE. And yes, Felicia, Bizzy did get busy there "Sho Nuff" in the comments section and told them where to go when he said,

"Time to clear the air. Shelley is a very capable entrepreneur who was her own boss when I met her and she still is. Her personality is magnetic and she can socialize with every strata of society and be comfortable anywhere. I enjoy her company immensely. We are going to be married and there will be no prenup.

And to answer the question about my business outside Barbados, check the records and you will see that Williams Industries companies have won Exporter of the Year awards more often than any other group I know of. We have also been involved in projects that have been the biggest foreign exchange earners for Barbados and have repatriated many millions in foreign exchange from our businesses outside of Barbados.

Having said that let us focus on the harm that is being done to the nation of Barbados by those who are so filled with hate and jealousy that they use this forum to publish lies  . . . ."

Well, he told them off, but I'm sure he practiced a LOT of restraint. LOL!  He doesn't need to explain to po-azzed folks why he planned to marry his wife but he did it due to good public relations, I'd say!!!

And naturally the black haters bashed Shelley. Some of those same blacks who are bashing and trashing her about marrying him will be sure to come BEGGING her for a job. Whether they can stand it or not, she is part owner of all of these companies. When you have your OWN successful company, you can then talk smack about a multimillionairess. Until then, you need to keep your mouth shut because somebody else is signing your paycheck and feeding you.

I wonder whether Elin Woods and other white women get this kind of negativity from other whites about marrying rich BLACK men??????  NO! This is because whites think that ww are supposed to LIVE WELL. Some of us black folks like me think that black women are supposed to LIVE WELL too. I'd bet my house that Elin Woods got a LOT of silent applause initially, from the vast bulk of whites when she married Tiger.

And ask yourself whether Rupert Murdoch's young Asian wife got this kind of bashing from her community for marrying octogenarian Rupert.  Nope, I read where her ethnic Asian community was thrilled. And did Larry King's  much younger wife get bashed?

I hear of naysaying black people telling AA women not to date or marry older wm,  but just think about that. Those same folks would be just as much against you dating and marrying a young white man too. LOL!  You've got to learn to focus on what is the most crucial thing that a person is saying or not saying at any time. The most crucial thing these blacks don't say is that they're NOT saying anything about introducing you to ANY quality man to marry. NONE! ZERO! ZILCH!

That's why I advise you to pay NO attention to them. If they're not introducing you to a few suitable quality suitors, then tell them nicely or not so nicely to save their hot air for themselves. I would give them a choice real fast: either Put up or Shut up!

Marrying older men is and has been a common practice among ALL other groups of women for centuries. Let me repeat that most women in the world are raised to "marry up" or marry "well." This is still going on bigtime among other groups. At the very least, you should marry a man on your level. 'Even water seeks its own level.'  You have a right to expect to at least  be equally yoked. ALL women tend to be security-oriented. Women have always traded youth and beauty for security.  And there is deep love in the cases of many of these couples. If a man TREATS you well, that's a good reason to fall in love with him because you ought to be fond of anyone who TREATS you well. As I usually say, it doesn't matter what a persons says, it's how they TREAT you that counts. All the rest is just a distraction. Apparently, these two people respect and adore each other.

It's  up to YOU, as an adult bw, to determine whether a man is suitable and compatible for YOU because YOU're the one who'll be living with him.

Bw, if Bizzy had been interested in dating YOU, would YOU have dated him or would you have allowed tongue-lashing, jealous other blacks to prevent you from going out with him ? Or if you did start dating him, would you have caved into pressure to break up with that "old" man?

When other blacks tried to sabotage the relationship (and some would have definitely tried), what would YOU have done? OR would you have SELF-sabotaged the relationship in order to keep your "black" card?

Bw, if you VET well, you can date and marry ANY quality, loving and loveable man of any age from any group. It's the careful vetting at the beginning of a relationship that prevents you from being used and abused and vetting is the most crucial factor in whether you will Live Well with your husband. The very beginning of a relationship will often foreshadow the rest of the relationship. Make sure you begin well. There are always going to be problems, challenges, and issues in any relationship between a man and woman, but if you vet well, you can virtually always eliminate the BIGGIE-type problems from the getgo.

Some of y'all  don't believe it when I say that lots of BLACK people cannot stand the thought of a black woman Living Well--ESPECIALLY a typical darker-skinned black woman. Or they think she should be grateful that a man chose her. That's damaged beyond repair thinking to the max!! I think their worse fear is that this will give ideas to all of the other dark-skinned bw that they, too, can "Escape." LOL!!  I've noticed this, that if the woman is a light-white skinned bw or white, black folks don't have nearly as much of a problem or ANY problem with her marrying well or living well, but if she's darker-skinned, the hate squad goes on a rampage. 

Felicia, I also agree with your comments about this publicity picture for their company when you said:

"Now you KNOW that if your average [colorstruck] BM were running this operation there wouldn't be any sistas that looked like these beautiful dark-skinned BW below [in the company's PR pictures], OR Shelly. . . .  NO.  I give a high five to 'Bizzy' and this smart BW who married him."  

Yep, I have to keep telling bw all the time that heterosexual men are interested in women--period-- and that they're not primarily interested in "BLACK" women. LOL! They ARE very interested in WOMEN. Yes, many wm love our brown skin, but "black" is a political term.

 STOP waving a banner to announce yourself as a "BLACK" woman when you meet men of other races! Just play your female card. You are already who you are. They know you are black. You don't need to wave the BLACK flag.

Again, you don't need to go around announcing that you are a "BLACK" woman, unless you're trying to tell him something???? I personally think that some bw do this in order to self-sabotage their IR relationship. No man is interested in dating or loving your entire group. He's interested in YOU, and he shouldn't have to love your entire group to get a date with you, and you shouldn't have to love his entire group either. Respect and courtesy shown towards each others' racial/ethnic group, is IMO, enough.

ITEM #2:   

The Interracial Romance Book Club for Black women  located at http://interracialbookclub.ning.com/  is now getting ready to begin reading the book: THE BLACKER THE BERRY by Lena Matthews.  Do drop in.

ITEM #3:  Thanks a  BIG BUNCH to all of you who have been supportive of the Dear Evia Advice System (DEAS--described in essay below). It's been great to know that many of you find it to be of value and it helps me to tailor my essays. You are helping to make this resource available to many bw because some bw don't have anyone to get specific advice from about certain situations. We ALL need advice sometimes. Thank You!

BFIM Gazette: The Edelmans, Kola Boof, Join IR Romance Book Club, Halima's Post, Dear Evia Question #3

It's in keeping with February as Black History Month that my headline picture for this page is "Marian Wright Edelman, a lifelong advocate for dis-advantaged Americans and is the President of the Children's Defense Fund (CDF). Under her leadership, CDF has become the nation's strongest voice for children and families.  Marian Wright Edelman-a truly monumental woman, seen here with her husband Prof. Peter Edelman.

Thanks, Felicia for digging out this pic! Here are the site links for both of these highly accomplished people. 

Marian Wright Edelman

Peter Edelman

Notice that she says in the "Remembering Mildred Loving" ARTICLE, "my husband Peter and I were the first interracial couple to be married in Virginia after the Supreme Court decision—40 years ago—in July 1968." Thanks for highlighting that, Felicia.

Also, I must just say about "Black History" month that learning history is very important and it's YOUR responsibility to learn YOUR history. It would be nice and "fair" if someone would teach it to you, but if they don't, and they most probably won't, it's STILL your responsibility to dig it out and learn it. I dug out my history and learned it. We've taught our children their history on both sides. But we've also taught them that its' THEIR responsibility to learn more and more and more on their own. I get so annoyed at people who keep blaming educators for not teaching EVERYTHING. People need to get up off their behinds, turn off the TV, and learn things ON THEIR OWN because everybody has the same number of hours in a day. 

If some of you don't know what you're responsible for, well I don't mind telling you. You don't have to listen, but I can easily tell you. LOL!  If you don't know your history, you don't know who you are or what you are. You'd be surprised at how unshakeable you can be IF you know your history. Your history is not buried deep. It's in books, magazines, in libraries, online, etc. After I posted the two essays containing all of the pics of IR-married bw from the 1950s (and I didn't even post all of the pics Lorraine sent me), I got quite a few emails from bw thanking me and they all said, "I had no idea" that bw were openly marrying wm in the 1950s or that JET magazine would even publish stories about them.

Yep, that is kinda, sorta remarkable because I don't know of a single black publication TODAY that would do a whole spread on black women who are married to white men. They'd be too skeeeered. LOL!

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Item #2   REGARDING KOLA BOOF

A Reading/Discussion of Kola Boof's work on Feb. 5th at the Whitmore

Theate in Hollywood.

 

It is FREE admission with FREE Parking. Starts at 7 pm-9 pm

 

DETAILS:

 

THE WHITEMORE THEATRE
Hollywood, California

Friday, Feb. 5th at 7 P.M.

KOLA BOOF at "THE WHITMORE THEATRE"
in Hollywood Feb. 5th at 7 pm
11006 Magnolia Blvd. N.H. 91601

(Reading, speaking, singing...)

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ITEM: #3- C-A-L-L-I-N-G Everybody come on over and join in the stimulating, titillating IR Romance Book Discussion Club at  http://interracialbookclub.ning.com/  There's a time to be serious and then there's a time to play, so come on over and let's have fun. Hope to see you there!

___________________________________

Item #4 Rich White businessman husband-to-be of black woman telling others to shove it when they start mouthing off about the black woman he's planning to marry. PLEASE stay tuned for this story. There are a bunch of pics that go with this story, so I'll stick them all in in the next essay and the story.

"Time to clear the air. _______________ [black wife's name] is a very capable entrepreneur who was her own boss when I met her and she still is. Her personality is magnetic and she can socialize with every strata of society and be comfortable anywhere. I enjoy her company immensely. We are going to be married and there will be no prenup. .  .  .
Having said that let us focus on the harm that is being done to this nation by those who are so filled with hate and jealousy that they use this forum to publish lies."

What is the world coming to when folks start trying to tell wm who are at the top of the pyramid who they should NOT marry. Obviously, folks will try it when a rich wm is planning to marry a bw.  Well, he did tell them where to go, and I'm happy to report that this couple DID get married and he and his black wife are LIVING WELL. And bw, let me tell ya, once you're living well, all of those flapping lips do NOT matter, and I can testify to that! LOL! Can I get a witness? LOL!!!!

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ITEM #5--PLEASE, PLEASE, do not forget to read Halima's current post exposing so-called Black nationalists and Pan-Africanist leaders  (yeah, right!) at the Black Women's IR Circle. And don't forget to circulate, circulate, circulate the info there. It will go a long way towards de-programming many bw. I promise you that.

_________________________________________

ITEM #6 Dear Evia Letter # 3 from ML--Please see note below about the Dear Evia Advice System (DEAS). I've already answered ML. If you want to receive the response I sent her, please read about this advice system below and contact me, and ask for DEAS #3 response.

Dear Evia,
 
I discovered your site a couple of months ago and I have to say I enjoy reading your articles. It's nice to find websites out there that not only up-lift black women but also encourage them to broaden their horizons and to not stick to the status quo.

I'm a young black-American woman who has spent a majority of my life growing up in the south, and I am writing because I have always been interested in non-black men. The thing is, I never worked up the courage to date them. Part of the issue is because of family and that I rarely get approached by non-black men (which can be frustrating). But really the reason is I feel it is "because I am a black woman," that a non-black man would never take interest in me.

And I know you spoke of this before on your site, but I'm just speaking from experience with some of the few (negative) interactions that I actually had with non-black men/males. The most recent was a couple of years ago with a wm. Even though I was generally interested in him, he told me the only reason he showed interest in me was because he wanted to see what it was like to be with a "black girl."

Now, I understand that not all wm/non black-men are like this, but after that it left me wondering whether or not a non black-man would ever see me as an individual or just a "sexual" conquest. But when I look back at that experience, I could have easily avoided that type of guy; I should have done my homework on him and paid closer attention to the red flags. So far, the only men I have dated have been black men due to the fact that's who I mostly get approached by. I don't have a problem dating black men, its just sometimes I think the only reason I do it is because its the "safe" option. Meaning its easier for me to date within my own ethnic group than having to deal with pressure from family and the community as a whole. But that all sounds like "settling" to me. And the last thing I want to do is "settle" in a relationship... I would just be unhappy. I'm still attracted to non-black men, but whenever I speak to my parents about my preference, they tell me it would be a lot better if I had a relationship with/married a black man basically because they do not want to see me get hurt or my spouse would not have an understanding of "black" culture etc. I do respect their opinions, but I have to disagree when they tell me that a black man is the "best" thing for me.

Since I have been back home, I have wanted to expand my dating options and come out of my shell. But I'm finding out that it is not so easy, especially here in the south. I guess what I am trying to say is as a black woman who is interested in IR dating/relationship, how should I approach a non-black man? Where does one go if they are interested in IR dating in the south? And also, how do you deal with the pressure from family/the "black community" to stick within your own ethnic group?
Thank you for taking time to read my letter, I hope to hear back from you soon.
 
Sincerely,
 

ML

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Dear Evia Advice System (DEAS)

This is how DEAS works. If you would like for me to advise you about any relationship issue and if I think your question may be relevant to the lives of other bw, write to me with "Dear Evia," in the subject line. I will post your question here, give it a number, and respond to it in an in-depth, common sense way for FREE, AS TIME PERMITS, (as I've done now for over 3 years here). The difference is that from now on, the response will be sent to you privately and for others, they must elect to buy it if they choose.

Get ready because the advice will be uncensored. LOL!  If others want access to the response, there will be a charge of $2.95 via Paypal which they can access by clicking on the tipjar in my upper left sidebar.  You can expect for your question to appear in a "Dear Evia" type book, so your question and my response will become copyrighted material.  If you do not want your question published in the book, DO NOT send it to me.

So, I thank you, in advance for your question because my response to it will undoubtedly help many other AA women and those in similar situations. Your questions will give me the opportunity to continue to teach what you actually want to learn and respond PRECISELY to what you need help with the most.

But as you know, I'm a strong believer in reciprocity. I will not do this any longer for FREE. You are giving of yourself by providing the question. I am giving of myself by responding, and others who pay for the response are giving by helping themselves and helping to make this system available and supporting this advice SYSTEM for bw in general.  THANK YOU in advance for donating to or otherwise supporting DEAS.

BFIM Gazette: Happy Anniversary to US! The Intertwining of Souls

This morning early, Darren got up in our darkened bedroom, and I heard him fooling around with electrical cords. I lay  there wondering why was he doing that at dawn? Well, a few minutes later, something started flashing from on top of the dresser. I pulled myself up to look at it and there it was! The digitized picture frame that I had been admiring at several stores sat on the dresser flashing pictures of me and Darren in scenes from our travels. The headline atop some of the pictures was HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!

Duh! My darling husband is always full of surprises. LOL! He laughed at me as I pulled my head from beneath the quilt and gawked at the frame. It's a beautiful gift and just what I've been wanting, but I hadn't been able to justify spending the money for it.

I never seem to remember the exact date of our anniversary. All I know is that it's in  early February. I could check the marriage certificate, but who cares about such exactness; the man I married is, of course, the most important part of all of this. The more time we spend together, the more our souls intertwine.

And that's what our union is all about: the union of souls--not "race," skin shade, hair texture or other superficial aspects of a person. I'm so drawn to the Bahai philosophy because their philosophy is (and the Bahai folks I know LIVE their creed) that there is 'unity in diversity' or 'oneness.' I wish that folks in other religions could catch a clue about that.

My gift to mon cher? Well,  I gave him a gift I'd been working on for several weeks: a luscious, 100% alpaca scarf in a divine cranberry tweed color that I knitted in a gorgeous cable design. I knew he'd love the color and the intricate textured cable design. He's wearing it now. He loves it when I make things for him.

I've had my share of challenges, but I choose to focus on the fact that I have been blessed to be on the receiving end of much good fortune in life and much of it comes via the quality men I have CHOSEN or ALLOW to surround me in this patriarchal world. And this includes my quality male relatives. This is why VETTING is so critical. VETTING is 80%. If you vet well--especially the men that you ALLOW into your social environment--you'll be walking on easy or easier street in much of the other aspects of your life--because these men will provide and protect. This is important because ALL women are born into a patriarchal world, and a woman's position in a community, society, world, etc. is closely aligned with the men in her surroundings. Many of you wonder why certain women in the world seem to be on a pedestal and adored by all. Well, it's because of their men. Some of you wonder why some women seem to be in the dumps in the world? Well, it's because of their men or the men they allow into their social, emotional, and mental sphere.

If you vet well, and align yourself with ONLY men of quality, I promise you that you will change your life and the lives of your children (if there are any) for the better now, and for generations to come.

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And with that said, I WILL get back to more lighthearted topics here about MY life and the life I have with my loving partner. That's what my blog was originally about--before I began to discuss many of the problems that other bw are having finding or not finding their "Mr. Right." I know that many of you just won't accept this but the ONLY reason why you continue to have problems with men is because you CHOOSE to have problems with these men by choosing men who are chin-hairline deep in problems or limitations. Many of you then try to pretend that the man doesn't have a problem or only a tiny one.  LOL! I KNOW you don't think it's that simple, BUT it is. I never had and still don't have problems with men because I don't CHOOSE to have those problems. Always remember the subtitle of my BOOK 2:" YOUR LIFE DEPENDS ON YOUR CHOICES."

Say  "NO," absolutely "NO" and Hell "NO" to problem men, and you will NOT have those issues in your life.

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And in case, you haven't read my post beneath this one, Please do so. LOL!