Thanks so much, Jennifer for sending me the link to your lovely family' video. Much Happiness to you and yours!
LINK to GREAT VIDEO - re this couple.
Over the course of years, I've urged women to only choose CQLL mates and stressed the importance of committed, long term quality relationships/marriages. That's a value of mine because I was reared to be a long distance runner, which in this context means that since my early 20s when I began seriously thinking about marriage, I've only been interested in investing in long term relationships with members of the opposite sex. This means that any man I encountered who didn't have the right stuff for such a relationship was only a temporary distraction for me, if even that much. I didn't waste time or energy with him.
I reasoned that anyone can be a short distance runner. That type of man or woman is easy to find. And even though many folks talk about the quest for their "soul mate" and yadda yadda or about "forever and ever," I find that many people, in actuality, only want a mate for a short-distance run or until the glitter wears off.
I was speaking with one of my sons the other night about this. He told me that he has a pal from school--a young executive--who has a bunch of very precise specifications for his mate--even down to her dress and shoe size!! When he mentioned that this man is adamant that the woman who he marries must wear a size 6 shoe, I fell out laughing. That is so absurd!
My son said this guy is totally serious about this. I noticed that his pal's specifications are all focused on the superficial, and pointed out that this guy is not only going to waste a woman's life, he is going to waste much of his own life too. He has no idea that he's severely limiting himself. I don't even have to ever meet him to know that.
Anyway, I mentioned to my son once again that it may sound boring and has nothing to do with shoe size, but "friendship" is the best basis for ANY sort of quality long term relationship with any adult of quality. Speaking from experience gained from multi decades of 2 quite long, satisfying marriages, I am convinced that friendship in a man-woman relationship is a great asset. It's definitely worth the effort of women and men to spend the time and effort to cultivate the friendship as the basis for a romantic relationship because it's undeniable that most friendships last much longer than many marriages in the United States.
Included in a friendship with your mate comes kindness, compassion, considerateness, having things in common, the willingness to communicate, enjoying each other's company, the ability to apologize or behave apologetically, give on par with what is received, a critical level of trust, having and exercising a certain amount of intelligence, basic COMMON SENSE, respect, appreciation, and love.
I know this may all sound fuddy-duddyish to many younger readers, but I promise you that you won't ever attain the type of loving, long-lasting relationship with a significant other that most of y'all claim you want if you bypass this route.
Lust is plentiful due to our animal nature and the need to reproduce. It is not a prerequisite for a quality, long term relationship with a mate. Neither is what most people call "love" these days. I call that "HOLLYWOOD Love." My son said that most people in his generation will stand in line to settle for lust and the notion of Hollywood Love. Scary! This is why I've constantly pointed out that it's ALL about the messages that people are fed. When the messages change, the people change. What the American media presents these days proves that if you feed anyone poop long enough and photoshop it in just the right way, the vast majority of people will begin to not only adore poop, they will become addicted to it, salivate at the thought of it, and pay large amounts to get it. The desire to satisfy the appetite for poop results in much of the social malaise and disorder we see today.
When I cite friendship as the real star, I'm not just talking about an ideal; I'm talking about the type of relationship that some of us value to the max and are willing to work to cultivate--with a willing partner, of course. I know friendship is not always probable or even possible in some relationships/ marriages, but I just think that various models of desirable relationships need to be offered. Maybe it's the cultural anthropologist in me talking, but why is the "Hollywood Love" model the only man-woman long term relationship model offered to Americans?
Why not the "friendship first and throughout"model?
For ex, my ex-husband and I not only share children, we share a friendship. On Christmas Day 2014, Darren and I spent about 8 hours with with my ex-husband and his wife, our children, AND other family members and friends. We all sat around munching, laughing, talking, and taking lots of pics. This is because--along with other aspects of our marital relationship, my ex and I were friends throughout our marriage. Our marriage ended; the friendship didn't.
Likewise, when I was vetting Darren, I searched among his values, attitudes, behaviors, intelligence level, background, and general traits, to determine whether he had the right stuff to be my enduring friend as well as my husband. I was thrilled to find out that he had those qualifications and even more!