Update: We are out of town. Had a great day. Relaxing now before going out for the evening. Darren is trying to find a free parking space. LOL! I'll put up the Teach! Wear and Gear links by early next week.
This essay is a loooonnnng one because it's a combo "Moving On" and "Roomadoor Press" one. LOL! Moving on essays are longer and involve me urging bw to MOVE ON or I'm expounding on various aspects of a certain mindset that some bw might want to consider if they're seeking to "move on." Roomadoor Press essays are shorter and mainly about me and Darren.
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In this pic are Andrea, who was a communications major at USC in 2007, when she met Glenn, a neurologist and multimillionaire, and here's the WEBSITE showing their ultra lavish wedding that was featured on WebTV.Their wedding was shown again on WebTV on March 7th. Thanks for sending the pic, AF, and mentioning that.
I vaguely recall seeing this couple before, so I "may" have posted their pic before but thank you AF for highlighting the fact that they met on an online dating site.
Some bw STILL refuse to use online dating as a means to meet quality men, and they usually refuse for antiquated reasons, IMO. For those bw and others who'd prefer to sign up with a site that "specializes" in Interracial Dating, please see my right sidebar. Fill out the box there OR click on the pic of the IR couples.
Anyway, I appreciate that AF pointed out that Glenn was captivated by Andrea's EYES. LOL! I want to emphasize this aspect of Andrea's online profile.
AF said: "Apparently, she ONLY had a picture of her eyes on her online profile and that was enough to capture his interest."
Bw, this shows that you do NOT need to expose your body to get the attention of the right kind of men, for the purpose of meeting a man for a long-term, committed relationship or MARRIAGE. But, hopefully, you already know this. Yes, you ought to accentuate your positive attributes and you should always be well groomed with a pleasant demeanor, but you do not need to expose your flesh, unless you're peddling your flesh. And, you must totally get away from areas or men where you can't be pleasant and well groomed for fear of harassment. Men are very good at figuring out your dimensions WITHOUT you exposing your flesh or wearing latex-glovetight clothes. Obviously, some of you do not realize that and for the vast majority of heterosexual males/men, all it takes to arouse interest in you is knowing that you're anatomically female. LOL! Men are wired that way. So, you are cheapening yourself and getting the wrong kind of attention by showing your "dimensions," whether online or offline.
Bw, there are lots of bm and bm-identified bw who will try to make you believe that only an old wm, or a poor or uneducated wm or one who can't get a ww, or etc. would want you, a bw. Do NOT believe that for a second! Yes, those men are out there, but why are you some of you so willing to believe that these are the typical wm who approach bw? Some poor, uneducated bm who can't get a ww are also with bw.
ALL heterosexual men look for women at some point in their lives or are looking for women today, but thankfully all men are NOT looking for that "mixed chick" or a whiter skinned woman that many AA men, in particular, adore. Obviously, Glenn above was not looking for a white-skinned woman; he was looking for a woman who appealed to him, and he spotted Andrea's beauty and quality. Among the many wm who are seeking a mate today, many of them have Glenn's mindset.
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Okay, as I've mentioned many times, I'm a producer-entrepreneur, meaning that I usually have a hand in creating what I sell. I am offering my collection of "Teach" Wear & Gear (please keep an eye-maybe tomorrow--on my right sidebar). All of these items will have sayings or mottoes from my most important lessons that I've taught in my teaching essays. Please consider buying an item, not only for yourself, but for the many black girls and bw who don't have a clue about much of what we talk about on these BWIR/BWE sites. My "Thrive Rule #1," which is imprinted on the first series of items is MANDATORY learning, IMO, for black girls and women especially.Thrive Rule #1: "The choice of a mate is the single most important decision that any woman makes in her life, especially if there are to be children. If she chooses well, she and her children will reap many rewards, but if she chooses poorly, she has paved the way for herself to suffer and her offspring to suffer, for generations!"
If this one rule can become instilled in the brains of many young bw, this can change the reality of many of them and their children--forever.
Also, please refer my store to others. Click on any item and it'll take you to that item in my store at Cafe Press.
I advocate that many more bw should become entrepreneurs, whether you produce your own items or not. I just happen to prefer to create and produce the items I sell, but many business people sell items created and made totally by others, as you know. Same difference.
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There's a link below to an article that Lorraine sent me where a bm professor at a prominent university acknowledges bm privilege and admits that bm, as a group, oppress bw, as a group. Well, Duh! Okay, I'm mentioning this here for 2 important reasons.1) I would like for everyone to know that whereas I do want to receive BWIR pics and video links and such, I do NOT want to receive any more of this type of article (link below). I'm tired of teaching. LOL! I'll be spending most of my time in the future in "Roomadoor Press" which is the 2nd chapter of my blogging life. For those people who only recently started reading my site, "Living Well" and "Moving On" were parts of my 1st chapter. I have about 450 teaching essays that I wrote under those headings and I'm publishing some of those essays in my books. Books 1, 2, and 3 are for sale (check sidebars) and other books of mine will be forthcoming.
[Note to NEW readers: I'm also publishing the essays (for future purposes) as an historical account of the demise of the group of people who were called "coloreds people in the USA," Negroes in America, Black Americans, or African-Americans because all the major social indicators clearly show now that this group of people will cease to exist in the next few decades. You're free to disagree with me, but as an ethnologist, I know this will happen because AA's never considered it important to develop a "Reasonably Uplifting Culture Of Some Sort" (RUCOSS), after the Civil Rights movement. And now, it's too late.
I've already done my grieving. I've identified proudly in the past as a member of this group due to the way we once were. Since I'm a woman who came through other black women who I will always honor, I decided to document our last days from the viewpoint of an ordinary, typical bw. I'm doing this because I believe that we're important women in the history of this country and now, and as a black female I've always noticed that the voices, minds, and hearts of black women in this country (aside from a few) are non-existent in history books, just as virtually all women's voices are mute in the Bible.]
There are, however, several other BWIR/BWE bloggers who are still in teaching mode (some are mentioned in my left sidebar). I realize that Lorraine had good intentions for sending this piece to me, but the substance of this article is NEGATIVE as it relates to bw. I won't flood bw with negative news about their present condition because there are so many positives to focus on, instead, at least for many among the segment of bw who read my site. So everyone, please send these links to someone else, if you must send them.Also, as I've pointed out, you can turn any negative into a positive. For ex, as a result of the horrific persecution that Jewish people have experienced historically, they have a motto/slogan "Never Again," which they embrace and actualize in all of the important areas of their lives, no matter who doesn't like it. I see other groups of embattled people doing the same thing. BLACK WOMEN must do the same, instead of wallowing in negativity. Many of you CHOOSE to focus on negativity and this is what your enemies want.
You are beautiful. You are intelligent. You are warm, loving, and generous. You are vivacious. I'm all of these and more. My husband tells me these things and more, but more importantly, he TREATS me like I'm loved and valuable to him. I've been treated like this by other men too because I choose men who know how to treat me. Remember that it doesn't matter what people say; what's critical is how they TREAT you. So, I believe that I will always be able to keep my quality mate interested in me. However, if he were to change his mind about me, I believe that I will always be able to attract a quality mate. I watch what I eat. I incorporate fitness and with-it-ness into my life. I feed my intellect and my spirit with nourishing uplifting content. I monitor what I think and feel. I am a wonderful being. I surround myself with quality others who agree with how I see myself, so I believe that anyone else who thinks differently about me is wrong. You may not understand me, but this is the world I inhabit. I carry this world around with me inside my head everywhere I go. Someone else may be able to harm my body, but they can never damage my personal world, my BELIEFS.
This is how Evia thinks. This is what I BELIEVE. I cannot be moved from my world because it's a world that's been very good to me. It's paid me major dividends. These are my BELIEFS.
I've suggested that other bw come up with their own personal view of themselves or a slogan. It doesn't have to be a group slogan. I suggested an example of my personal slogan last week (scroll down). That's just a simplified version of one that I've embraced and actualized in my life. The main motto that I use and the one that has always kept me keeping on no matter what type of adversary I face is: "I WILL NOT LET THEM WIN!" You may get me down, but you will never keep me down, and trust me--I've been tested many times in my life. This motto always re-energizes me instantly and I bounce back up like the 'Energizer bunny.' LOL! This may not work for some of the others of you, but when I say this to myself, I can feel waves of new energy and determination flooding my body.
Back to bw's choices: If you put ANY typical person in an environment around only or mostly rotten food and/or they don't know how to identify rotten food, they ARE going to eat rotten food, no matter how many ways you blame them for eating it, and no matter how you tell them to make better choices. (I'm doing a Vetting Newsletter where I will strictly focus on this, for bw who want to learn ways to identify and choose better mates. If you're interested in subscribing, please scroll down to the post I did below for the details and contact me.)
Dating and marriage with QUALITY mates are the prime focus of my message because whereas many bw in the U.S. can figure out how to avail themselves of their options in all other areas of life, some of them bomb in the romance area due to their thinking they have to settle for the type of men in their immediate environment. The narrow-minded thinking of some of these women blinds them to the LARGEST pool of Quality men available to them: WHITE MEN. I'm VERY aware that some bw are not interested in dating wm and I'm equally aware that lots of wm are not interested in dating or marrying bw. However, many of both groups ARE interested in each other. Many quality wm are totally open to the possibility of dating, loving, and marriage to a bw, and bw, you do NOT need for tens of thousands of wm to be interested in a serious relationship with you. YOU only need a moderate number of quality interested men from whom you can choose a mate.
Because of all the bad press about how wm at ONE dating site were not receptive to dating bw, a couple of weeks ago, I updated my age on a profile I've had on a prominent site for years. I don't even have a picture there and within 2 days of my update, about 15 wm profiles popped up. I checked them out to determine whether they were open to dating bw, and ALL of them had NO preference when it came to the race or ethnicity of the woman they seek. Most of these men would be quite appealing--to me, worht checking out IF I were looking for a mate. I know they'd like to be checked out because heterosexual men like women, and bw are the least likely to give a wm the green light (due to the notions that Karyn Langhorne Folan talks about in her book--scroll down). IF I'd been looking for a mate, I would have winked at many of these males, and I believe that within a month or two, I'd have more dates than I could handle.
So based on my experience and my outlook, my observations, readings, numerous discussions about bw dating wm, the relatively low rate of bw-wm dating is MAINLY due to bw--NOT wm.
The following response is to refute a comment made in a negative note that I just received from a bm, where he claimed to be be concerned about how wm will feel if bw make them feel like they're 2nd choice to bm, let me stress this:
***And individual White men who respect bw and are willing to treat bw well are NOT 2nd choice for most bw. I hope that no wm believes that. White men are a pool of men that many bw have been INDOCTRINATED not to consider as dates or husbands due to the various lies told to bw about wm. That's it. These same lies were told to me. AA women are STILL being told these lies in 2010 by black people they trust. As a matter of fact, as more bw realize they've been lied to, more of them are going to ONLY mate and marry loving and loveable wm because wm, as a group, SHOW everyday that they're much more marriage and family oriented than bm. White men will become the 1st choice of many bw in the next decade due to the marital and fatherhood BEHAVIOR of wm, not their white skin. Many bw can just as easily love a wm as any other men.
It is NOT in the DNA of a bw to ONLY love a bm. It's no more "normal" for a bw to love a bm than it is for her to love a wm. These skin shade labels are all CONSTRUCTED man-made differences. We're all in the same species.
And I think BWIR advocates and supporters must make this clear at every opportunity because I suspect that there is going to be an attempt to hammer this into wm--that a bw is only with them as a 2nd choice. PLEASE!
The vast majority of women of ALL groups seek marriage and would prefer to have their children inside of a marriage. Black women are not different. However, if all AA women were to wait to be married before having children, the AA population would virtually die out with this generation. Just look at the numbers.
Also, Darren continues to say that if more bw were to socialize in more scenarios where there are more wm, more wm would ask more bw out. The vast majority of wm are never going to come to the black side of town or to a black church or to an Elks club cookout, etc. Wm do not have to do anything different and they will meet lots of women. But since your tax dollars are helping to pay for many of the amenities that whites enjoy in the so-called "white side" of town, there is nothing stopping you from going there.
When I was in college, I had girlfriends who only felt comfortable around blacks, but I also had a couple of girlfriends who felt comfortable going wherever we could meet cute guys. LOL! Therefore we went to all kinds of places and events. Trust me, when we went to dude ranches, ice skating, skiing, foreign movies, the ballet, Broadway shows, hiking, certain clubs and restaurants, etc., we met white men who certainly expressed interest in us. I do NOT believe that the world has changed that much or that male DNA has changed at all.Mainly, I thing that many bw are going to have to change their values around which men they view men as appealing and the reasons why. I repeat: A change in values is REQUIRED and any person can RE-TRAIN themselves to think differently about anything--IF they CHOOSE to do so.
Recall that my husband, Darren, has pointed out (and I've mentioned that in several essays) that bm need to and can RE-Train themselves to see the beauty in dark skinned bw and to stop their mass rejection of quality dark-skinned women as mates. Well, bw also need to change their values to embrace ALL quality, interested men as potentially possible loving partners.
Many black women would agree totally with bm changing their colorstruck ways, however many of you bw don't want to change your VALUES around flocking towards only those swaggering, thuggy "brothas."
Recall that even Michelle Obama initially considered Barack (with his 2 degrees from Ivy League universities) as "too soft." SMH That shows how deeply "rooted" so many AA women are in what makes a man an appealing man. That shows how so many AA women who ought to know better have adapted to desiring a low-quality or no-quality bm IF he "appears" to be hardcore, thuggy, or a "bad boy." Likewise, some men are attracted to "slutty" women, but they'll have their fling with her and that's that. Many sensible women of other groups and some AA women will have a fling with a "bad boy," but will never even think about having a future with him or allow him to impregnate them. Some women can even love a "bad boy," but still will NOT allow him to destroy their lives. There are women who can just treat sex as sex. NO more.
If a bm is not a Quality man or is a DBR, there ought to be NOTHING appealing about him to you in the serious mating department. For ex., MOST AA men who've ever approached me have never interested me because of that fake "Mr. Smooth and Cool" attitude and because they all seem to think they are penis gods. And what I find most amazing is that the bulk of them don't seem to be able to get it that lots of bw, like me who are interested in a man's substance--not a fake attitude or swagger, are not interested in them whatsoever. So, I'm personally happy that those Mr. Cool types can find non-bw who are interested because bw like me know that those men have no substance or very little substance. The good thing is that there's someone for everyone out there! So likewise, if lots of bm don't want me, then I can easily accept and even appreciate that because I don't want non-quality men or those lacking substance. You shouldn't want men like that bothering you either because when men like that bother you, there are often problems.
So for those bw who find those "Mr. Smooth and Cool "bm sexually exciting, the way my mother or grandmother broke it down to me is that if you find feces exciting, then don't complain when you (and your children) starting smelling foul.
And there is no denying that not even many among the relatively tiny pool of marriageable bm are willing to marry any woman these days. Many of these males are simply looking for semen dumps.
So, I know that there are zillions of negative events going on at all times in the world, and
2) I would hope that most bw already know that the oppression and control of bw's bodies is THE twin-prime focus of the bulk of bm since bw's bodies (and bw's resources) are the only "commodity" that AA men have ever had any control over. Despite the fact that I hear bm online and offline say that other men in the world feel "threatened" by bm, the fact is SOME bw are the only people on earth who take bm seriously.
Other men do not feel threatened by bm because other men FEED bm. People do not feel threatened by anyone who they're feeding. It's NOT actual fear--because all the feeder has to do is stop feeding that person or thing that they're supposedly threatened by, and that's the end of that. Trust me--other groups of men in the world know this. LOL! Other men who feed bm are doing it for another reason, which I won't mention here. The next time you hear a bm saying that wm are afraid of bm, just remind that silly "brotha" how ridiculous he sounds.
Other people easily manipulate and use bm because bm, as a group, do not focus hardly any of their energy on constructing and maintaining families, communities, businesses, companies, countries, etc. As near as I can tell, MOST bm seem to spend the bulk of their energy in pursuit of sexual conquests. That's it. I could be wrong, but not by much because I don't see where AA men focus energy and resources on anything else much, aside from acquiring food, clothing, and shelter. Oh, and what I find particularly disgusting about AA men is that they're constantly trying to goad bw to get out there and solve the so-called bc's problems and IF a bw is silly enough to assume a leadership position in this regard or any way aside from the kitchen or leading him to the bedroom, then those same AA men will accuse those women of being too aggressive, too masculine, and not listening to bm, and say that's why they've got to get them a ww.
AA women, STOP falling for the same-ole okey-doke!
Notice how even the bm professor in this interview seems to be sex-focused because even though bm make more money than bw in certain jobs, what are the men doing with their mega bucks aside from buying more sex with it? As I've stressed to my children, "It's not how much you make that counts; it's how much you KEEP."
Bm have not earned the respect of other people in the world because they don't invest in their women, children, and communities. They are "other-focused." Therefore, not only the DBRs, but even many of these so-called other-focused "good" bm will continue to do all they can to maintain control of bw's bodies and to do that they have to continue to try to convince bw that other men will not love them or marry them. Their other main tactic is that they will appeal to your "BLACK"ness. You can nip this last tactic in the bud by tearing up your "black" card.
As long as you're identifying as a "black" woman, these males and many bm-identified bw are going to be trying to exploit you and use you by reminding you and pressuring you that since you're a "black" woman, you're supposed to be doing yadda-yadda for bm or the bc. Naturally, these same folks never pressure bm or the bc to do diddly for you. No reciprocity or barely any. So, you will always lose with that "black" card, if you're a black female. It will only attract leeches.
Black women, I, Evia, have ripped up my "black" card because I clearly saw that it's actually not worth anything to me as a so-called bw. I would advise y'all to do the same. If the BLACK woman card is worth something these days, I would like for someone to write me and explain it in detail. However, my WOMAN card is highly valuable since it was given to me by my Creator. The BLACK label was assigned to me by racist white people.
Other than these two tactics, bm have NO POWER to stop any bw from being with the man of her choice. And please point out and remind other gullible, magical thinking bw that the masses of AA men do not love bw and obviously increasingly don't marry bw. But GEEZ, these bm have a zillion and one reasons why they can't love or marry you and your daughters. LOL! They say these things because they believe that YOU believe them.
Notice how this professor "appears" to be on the side of bw. That's so unique these days until he's on NPR. LOL! It shows that others are very aware of how so many bm devalue bw.
Many AA women will "give" this man high praise for speaking out against bm oppression and exploitation of bw. He will be considered one of those "GOOD" bm. Easily-duped bw who hunger for a friendly-sounding bm would think that this man is their friend, but what exactly is he giving up? He's actually benefiting from being the "good" or "friendly" bm. I hope I'm wrong, but I suspect that if there's even a minimum amount of serious opposition from other bm to his message, he'll change his tune.
Here what key: It's his role as a MAN (since he identifies as a "man") to defend and protect black women simply because he identifies as a black man--just like it's my role as a parent to protect my children! I don't need to or want to be praised for performing my ROLE. That's actually an insult to me!
So when any bw praises a bm for performing his ROLE, they're actually saying that they've subscribed to the notion of low expectations for bm. There is NOTHING stopping lots and lots of AA men these days from performing their role, so I, for one, will never applaud them for doing it when they do because even my father and grandfather who both lived their lives under Jim Crow performed THEIR ROLE.
So it's NOT about bm not making enough money. Please point that out at every opportunity. That's not the reason most bm are not marrying. That old lie is just used to jack whites up for more money or make them feel guilty.
Also, bw, as more bm make more money and get more education or otherwise move on up, it'll only marginally benefit bw because increasingly bm (those who have a wider choice in women) are showing that they're not interested in dating bw (aside from sex), or marrying bw and making families with bw. However, if you resemble a "mixed chick" or are whiter-skinned, your chances are higher of bagging a typical bm, and the "Yellamon87" character in the post below explains why.
With that in mind, YOU have to decide what you want to do with your time, money, other resources, energy, including your sexual energy. Do not expect for other bw in your family or your girlfriends, or the "system" to be the surrogate "father" for your children, as so many bw now do. I know that every single bw reading this knows of several cases where bw (mothers, grandmothers, aunts, sisters, female cousins, girlfriends, etc.) are performing the role or a big chunk of the baby-daddy in a black child's life.
I've noticed this pattern for years. A black woman associate of mine recently became annoyed with me when I refused to help her out financially with an expense for her sons. Why should I do that when the children's father is laying up with another woman, giving that woman money???? I'm not the father of these children! It would be different if the father, through no fault of his own, became unable, but why should I have to help support his children, while he spends his money the way he wants?
I expect for a man of any group to perform his role or else I'm not going to regard him as a man. It won't matter that he's anatomically male or how deep his voice is or what he claims to be.
SMH Bw, I would hope that y'all remember as you read this article and similar others that oppressors--whether sexist or raicsts NEVER give up easily. Oppressors are not FAIR. Bm sexist-oppressors are not going to walk away from the only commodity they even have a semblance of control over. So, it's guaranteed that they'll keep trying with various tactics to keep you asleep, lull you to sleep, or get you to sleep--AGAIN.
Look at all men as INDIVIDUALS and vet them as such. Do NOT downgrade them or upgrade them based on surface characteristics. Base your regard for ANY man on the way he TREATS you.
Okay, without further adieu, here's the link to the ARTICLE and the audio on NPR. LOL!To summarize, PLEASE do not send me any more of these negative or horror articles.
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Darren and Me:
We're planning a short getaway starting tomorrow and through the weekend. Under Roomadoor Press, I'll jot down some of what we do/did during the trip (since we'll take a laptop) or I'll write about it when we get back.
























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