As most of my readers know, I’m a strong believer in marriage and I’m therefore a marrying-well strategist. Darren and I have been together for 14 years and I was with my ex-husband for over 2 decades. Married. Marriage trumps, as is proven by this recent case of the ex-Clipper owner’s wife “revenge.”
http://news.yahoo.com/woman-loses-home-other-gifts-wife-ex-clippers-085123262–spt.html
I’m a curator of life-enhancing cultural practices. It goes without saying that marriage has proven to be “the most” or one of the tiptop, life-enhancing cultural and societal, most evolutionarily-progressive practices of all time, and this is why it has always been supported and put on a pedestal by all societies, governments, and cultures–aside from, of late, the black American collective.
Since I’m black-American by ethnicity, I point out once again that the marriage rate among people from my ethnic background is abysmally low. And all I hear is excuse after excuse from blacks for why black Americans aren’t marrying more. For ex., I most often hear the financial excuse, which is that if black Americans had more money or were closer to being on a financial par with whites, they would get married at much higher rates. SMH
This lie, sponsored, constantly spread and overwhelmingly so by black Americans, is usually aimed at black American women to keep them unmarried, unsupported, and quiet, but as sympathetic sex partners for black American men, while performing all the wifely duties and getting few, if any, benefits. And some black American women help to perpetuate this lie for personal reasons. Naturally the males love these unmarried, uncommitted interactions they have with women because they can easily walk away from a sex-partner girlfriend at his whim.
As a woman who has mingled and been married all of my adult life among other cultural groups and done closeup comparisons, I can say that when compared to the wives I’ve observed in other groups, virtually all of these unmarried black American women who have ongoing relationships with “boyfriends” perform either as many or more “wifely” duties for these boyfriends than the bulk of women in other groups (I’ve observed) perform for their husbands. And I’m including myself. LOL!
This lie that black Americans just can’t marry these days due to lack of money is as illogical as pig slop and due to a bunch of okey-dokes LIES that only women of a certain type are conditioned to swallow, it is only those women who get regular portions of it. The fact is that black Americans had very high rates of marriage–or on a par with white Americans–back in the 1940s-60s, and the overall financial level of black Americans was much lower then than it is today. Look this up if you don’t believe me. This means that black American finances are NOT the reason for plummeted black marriage rates.
Another less obvious fact is that of the black Americans who are married, many are well up in years (ages 50-80+)–NOT in the younger or prime years of their lives.
However, I am NOT saying that black American women should marry or restrict themselves to black American men or vice versa. Marrying each other would only be needed if there were enough black Americans invested in the survival and thriving of the black American collective, and it’s clear to me that there aren’t–despite all the lip-service about the black community. So, I face the present facts and advise women the way I would my own daughter (if I had one), whereas too many black Americans are either magical thinkers, self serving, or both. No one knows what the future has in store. So if these black women today want to marry, the marriage simply needs to be to a CQLL (compatible, quality, loving and lovable) person.
So women, especially, ought to still stress marriage and be getting married–no matter what. Increased wealth and general well-being have been proven by history and by numerous current studies to be highly correlated with marriage for women and men–that is, when a compatible mate is chosen. We see that younger black American women are considerably more impoverished than older black American women for a number of reasons but one of the main reasons is that they are not married and have never been married to mates who (if vetted well) would have helped to improve their financial and overall well-being.
And I’ve said countless times here, that if the bulk of black American women focused their energies and resources on what they (as women) should primarily be focused on, and started at a younger age, they would have many opportunities to marry men from the global village. Period.
So, it mystifies me that I hear so many women and particularly so many black American women sealing their doom, spouting that “financial” excuse okey doke or others for why their (usually) black American male sex partner refuses to marry them, such as “Marriage doesn’t mean anything!” “Cohabiting (shacking up) is just as good as marriage,” “Marriage is just a piece of paper.” It’s logical for a man to say this, but not for a woman.
NO! NO! NO!
If he’s only good enough to shack up with, or if he considers you good enough to only shack up with, then you should not be with him. Do not try to twist his arm to force him to marry you. Do not allow him to impregnate you, thinking this will lock him down. Why would you even want to lock down a man who doesn’t want you? But if you do, you and your child will be very, very sorry for it. Not only will he remind you of this later, numerous times, but he is going to grind your face in it and maybe your child’s too. Or worse.
If you’re a woman who’s allowed men or other women–usually unmarried, jaded, of low intelligence and damaged due to her own bad decisions–to sell you these lies about marriage being pointless, contact me because I want to sell you both the Brooklyn Bridge and the Taj Mahal for the bargain price of $99 total. Just put the money in my tip jar. LOL!
If the other woman in this Clipper owner situation had been married to this man or found a man of her own to fool around with, she wouldn’t have ended up older and now, with a much shorter shelf life holding an empty bag. No matter how you look at it, her shelf life is now much shorter and now she’s penniless. Some people may consider her beautiful, but beauty is way overrated and especially in the absence of brains, either inside your own skull or in that of someone around you who cares for you. This is why many women in some cultures are still chaperoned. Lacking your own savvy about these matters, please make it a line item in your budget to invest in a brain-for-hire.
And where-oh-where was this “other woman’s” Plan B or Plan C?
Remember that if you are dealing with anyone who is much more powerful than you, they can almost always take back anything they “give” you. It’s not yours; it’s only on loan to you. If she had instead used the money to finance a medical school education for herself, that would have been different. She would have been able to keep that forever. Instead, she bought baubles.
So the wife in this case has the last laugh–as she should! Game. Set. Match.
Many of you know me as an uncommon common sense author and living well strategist. So here’s another nugget of uncommon common sense: As a woman, you don’t have to get everything you do in life right. As a matter of fact, there are only a few things you must DO right in order to thrive. One thing I know for sure by now is that how a woman fares in life usually has very little to do with her looks; it has mostly to do with how she thinks and what she does.
Life-enhancing cultural practice: Invest in brains. If not, you’ll not only be sorry, you could become a laughingstock and easily end up homeless.